F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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katkin
I am from Perth in Western Australia and I am wondering if anyone else had had this experience. My D17 has been WR for 5months but ED behaviours only subsided 4weeks ago. Great sure but now she has decided she is well, and ready to party! Still on meds. Has no idea how to act socially. Is making v inappropriate friends who lie & drink heavily. I have lost control of her & her delayed maturity from missing 3yrs of life is showing. Any advice??
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. You have done an amazing job, your daughter is weight restored and her ED behaviours are resolving. Great work. As you note sometimes our kids don't mature normally while ill, and then are left playing catch up with their peers. Choosing bad friends is of course a rite of passage of adolescents. We get to decide which way to move with this too. She may think she is better but she is 17, and like all 17 yo she needs boundaries to bounce off and rail against. I know you feel you need a break, unfortunately with teens they don't come very often
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
Hi katkin,
sorry that you have to be here on this place nobody wants t be...but also glad that you found us!
Cheering on you that you got her WR and that ED behaviour subsided! But she is in a very weak state as she is still on meds and everything is still very early so I completely understand your thoughts. My d is in the same age as yours. They are much younger than on paper and that is a big problem for us, too. My d sees that she feels younger and is sad about that.
So if she has bad friends who drink heavily and is still on meds that can be dangerous for her. Does she have an ED team you can talk about that? Do you have any leverage you can use (handy, car etc) to get her separated from these people? Does she have old "normal" friends you can contact and ask for help?
I learned here from parents with young adults that we think we have no control when they are adult but that must not be the case. As long as they live with us and are financially dependend and want to drive our cars etc. we have some power left and we can set rules. You would not give the car key to your husband if he drank heavily, do you? So think about where you can set rules.
We will have a contract with our d when she is 18 soon. We write down what we expect her to do and not to do and how we can support her to achieve her goals in life. She will get a car for her birthday but it will be ours on paper so she has to be well and compliant to drive it. We will pay for living and handy and school/university when she is well and compliant. ED needs rules for a very long time up to the mid twenties.
I hope some parents with young adults will join in soon and help you with more advices.
A warm welcome from Germany!
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
I like Tina's suggestion of trying to help her re-connect with her old friends.  Maybe suggest a specific outing or event ("Hey, why don't you invite A to join us for dinner (or movie or whatever) Friday night?"

In general, it sounds like your d would be safer at your house than wherever else she is hanging, so perhaps you can incent her to have friends come there instead of going out.  

I know some parents who have purchased drug test kits and told their kid they would be using them - gives the kid a way to decline offers by blaming the parent.

Good luck.  Please keep us posted.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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