F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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day_by_day Show full post »
Hi day_by_day,

I was at my wits end too. My kid was so difficult to treat that after 6 weeks on a closed ward they sent him home 2 kgs less! They literally didn't know what to do with him. We managed to keep him ticking over for 3 months while we all tried to figure out what to do (other than sedate him 24/7 to keep a ng tube in but his weight was actually too dangerously low for that!) I couldn't see a path forward. We eventually worked out a plan and he has put on 2kgs so far.

But please, keep at it. Keep yourself and loved ones well but also keep reading, keep investigating, let her KNOW you will NEVER stop trying to find a way to help her. One of the strongest tools we had was that he knew we loved him, no matter what, and we really worked to keep his relationships with his brothers loving. You will find strengths in your situation too and figure some little thing out and then maybe so other little thing. Those were my thoughts anyway - if I can't make him better then I will keep changing tiny things and maybe they will all add up.

Hey, it's a really tough situation and I wish you strength,

Best wishes,

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Maybe you could use that to your advantage?if she doesn't eat for 24 hours because you have thrown out the scales,you can then take her to hospital and get her properly checked out.whilst I understand being paralysed by fear that if you change anything your d will not eat....you are in hell anyway.watching your d being controlled by a voice in her head still must be awful.so that's why I will just keep saying throw away the scales.say that 'that's ed behaviour and we don't need them for you to eat.i can dish up what you need.not what your illness lets you have.what you NEED.'
And then if she threatens not eating (and I have been in this situation a lot) I start my mental clock ticking about when 24 hours is up and even if she has eaten a biscuit to try and stave off hospital I have taken her there.food is not a bargaining tool for ed.she eats or its hospital.and she has to eat enough.
If you throw out the scales you may find that she is grateful,that's the flip side.she may be wanting you to do this but unable to tell you.then you dish up a normal serving.
These are just options I'm presenting to you.but just because your d lives in fear,you don't have to.you still have some things you can do.ive been at this a couple of years and have had to use whatever I could to keep my d alive and healthy.i have utilised the MHA,residential,thrown out scales,done FBT...you need to find your workaround.throw out the scales and have your mental clock ticking for hospital if food isn't eaten.
You can do this.one small change at a time,with a natural consequence attached if you need it.
Hi day-by day , don't give up on getting your d back , she still has ed behaviours. Can you suggest changes, each week challenge a behaviour tell your d you are in charge of meals it's not normal to weigh all food and eat same each day . We changed foods gradually sometimes she refused sometimes she took it on board . Maybe you could start with breakfast and change that first .
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Day by Day,

If you tell her she will get better, then she will believe she can get better.

If you tell her you will never give up on her, then she won't give up on herself.

And if you tell her that you will be there for her to help her change her disordered thoughts and behaviors, it may just be the motivation she needs to change.

And please know that even when it seems our kids are totally self-absorbed and only care about themselves, they are still very much tuned into our moods.  And ED will take advantage of any perceived weakness.

That means your job is to show that you are stronger than ED and will not accept the status quo.  Never give up! [smile]

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  


15 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and pushing our way through puberty and rapid growth.