F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

day_by_day
My daughter is 17, almost 18 and has been discharged from CAMHS for two years now. She has managed to stay bang on her discharge weight of 47kg and is (roughly) the same height at around 162cm tall.

But, although we are doing well weight wise, the ED behaviours persist. She is extremely rigid, weighs and counts every calorie and will NOT eat anything if she doesn't know its calorie content. The result is that her breakfasts, lunches and snacks are identical every day. She eats dinner with the family but we are restricted to a very limited number of dishes because she will not eat a dinner contains over 450 calories and insists on weighing each ingredient I use. She also has to eat at certain times and gets very upset if these aren't kept to.

I was told that after being WR for a few months these behaviours would start to diminish. But if anything, they have intensified. I don't feel as though I can challenge her without risking her stopping eating and becoming underweight again. However, I am afraid that if she doesn't start to loosen up now, she will never be able to eat "normally" again.
Quote
Torie
Hi Day_By_ Day - Welcome to the club no one wants to join. Actually, you may also have joined the large subset of this club - a club within a club if you will - that consists of members who have been given bad advice by "professionals" who tell us our Ed-kids have gained enough weight, at a time when more weight is still badly needed (raises hand). The Ed habits will never go away unless the weight is high enough.

It's a tough choice, I know. You're making a good start by seeing that this IS a choice and continuing tomorrow the same as yesterday in fact is making a choice. You're right of course that that is a bad option for your d. The alternative - requiring her to change her eating habits - is scary and involves trauma to everyone. So which is the better - or rather, least awful - choice? What might the alternative look like? A number of the good folks here have faced a similar choice and can tell you about their experiences. 

It's great that you have found this forum. It provides information, support, and HOPE. Please let us know how we can help. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote
day_by_day
Hi Torie, thank you for your kind reply. I'm sorry but I'm not quite sure what you mean regarding her weight. I have checked and she is within the healthy range for her age, gender and height and physically she looks well, gets her period etc. She is a good 13kg over her lowest weight and I wouldn't like to do anything rash that might push her back down there. Really, it's her mental attitude and behaviours I am concerned about. It's as though she has the body of a healthy person but the mind of an AN patient still!
Quote
day_by_day
Hi Mousy, thanks for your reply. She is not seeing a therapist, nor is she on any medication and she has never engaged in over exercising or purging, even at her worst. None of the therapy she did receive from CAMHS seemed to target food anxiety, it was mostly based around family relationships and I'm afraid to say wasn't very helpful.

I do feel as though her rigidity goes beyond "normal" routine. For example, she will not try different brands. And obviously, it's not normal to weigh and measure all your food!

She is still able to function, attend school, hang out with friends... And to most people would seem to be an ordinary teen. It's because she outwardly seems so "well" that I'm conflicted. She is worlds away from the girl of two years ago who refused to leave the house, eat in front of others, and was too sick to attend school. We have come so far that it almost seems unreasonable to push further and rusk a regression.
Quote
Torie
Sorry my first reply wasn't clear. Maybe it will help if I tell you a little about my experience with my d.

My d fell ill at 14 (almost 15 years old), and thank heavens her friends were quickly worried so I started getting phone calls from their parents and was able to step in very early. She hadn't yet lost all that much weight and was still in the "healthy" BMI range, by standard thinking. She never lost her period. And yet, mentally she was very, very ill.  (Physically, she was fine.)

Like your d, she was at the very bottom of what is reported as "healthy" in standard BMI calculations. Her doctor said her weight was fine. IT WAS NOT FINE!! She was having obsessive thoughts about being fat (and stupid, ugly, worthless, all the typical ED head noise), hated eating, and no way no how would she have eaten anything not "required." Although a BMI in the lowest 10% for age might be healthy for 10% of girls that age, it sure as heck wasn't healthy for HER. When we took her to a TRUE ED expert (the wonderful Dr. Peebles at Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia), she confirmed that my d needed to increase her weight. A healthy weight for my d is AT LEAST middle of the "healthy" range - at least 5 kg more than the original doc had thought. Once she got to a healthy weight FOR HER (not for the lowest 10%), she began to improve. It has taken a long time at that healthy weight - a year and a half so far - but she now eats like a normal teen, which is the way she ate before falling ill. (Well, not EXACTLY the way she used to eat, but almost there.)

And, it was explained to us that teens are designed to keep gaining a little each year through the teen and young adult years - although she was a healthy weight at 15 1/2, that wasn't a healthy weight a year later. She needed to keep gaining each additional year.

Your d is still very thin. Lowest 8% BMI for age, I think. Very few are truly weight restored / healthy at that BMI. I'm not a doctor, but as a mom of a fellow sufferer, I can tell you I'm very skeptical that the lowest 8% is where your d is meant to be.  

I'm sorry if this seems unsympathetic and harsh.  I'm trying to pass along the same advice I needed to hear when my d was in a place that sounds similar to yours. I know that they are all different and you have much MUCH more information about your d than the brief sketch I have.  But that's my two cents - worth just what you paid for it. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote
Kali
Hi Day_by_Day

My d. is a few months older than your d. and the same height as your d and has been undergoing weight restoration since december. 
I did a conversion from kg and cm to inches and lbs.

My d. is what one might consider small boned, and based on her IBW I would say that your d. needs at the very least another 15 lbs in order to start to be truly weight restored. At the weight your d. is now, 103lbs, my d. was VERY ill. She is still depressed after weight restoration to somewhere around 54kg, but I am also seeing an increased willingness to eat, much less rigidity about trying more variety in foods and situations that I did not see when she weighed what your daughter did last year. In fact I saw many of the exact symptoms you are describing, and like you, I was really concerned but telling myself that she was at some sort of "acceptable" weight. She was not. 

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation and hope for the best for your d, but think she needs some help and support to gain more weight. It sounds like they may have released her at too low a weight or that she should have gained over the past two years as part of normal growing as a teen. The numbers you are describing do put your d. at the low borderline of the BMI which "might" be considered adequate for her height however.....her behaviors around food are not healthy so that might indicate that she needs more weight. 

As far as calories go for her height: weight gain protocol would indicate around 3000-3500 a day until weight is gained. Maintenance of the higher weight would then be around 2200 or so a day. 

ED sucks.

Kali
Food=Love
Quote
day_by_day
Thank you Torie, no you don't sound harsh at all. Looking at d's growth charts, she was at around 20% BMI until the year ED came along when she rocketed up to 50%. I'm pretty sure that is what triggered her dieting, so no way do I want her up there again. However, I do realise that the ideal weight for her is probably higher than she is now. It's just so difficult and I'm not sure that I dare risk the health that she has. I probably sound like a wimp but I still have nightmares of the bad days where she was completely skeletal. I don't think I could forgive myself if she ended up back there again.

I do worry about the behaviours though as I'm not sure how she is going to cope at university next year. She is only able to maintain her weight by strictly counting calories and keeping to the exact same foods. Otherwise, she just wouldn't be able to eat and would lose weight rapidly again. I suppose that is what has prompted me to try and fix this now, but it's probably going to be easier said than done. Is there any correlation between better mental health and higher weight? I feel that if D gained, it might trigger her into restricting again.
Quote
day_by_day
Hi Kali, that is worrying. I'm really unsure of what to do here... It was being 50kg that triggered her into dieting which led to ED in the first place, so I'm afraid that getting her up to 54kg would be impossible. I'm also not sure how I could persuade her to put anything on. As far as she is concerned, she is a healthy weight, gets her period, and has fulfilled her half of the "bargain" by maintaining. It was difficult enough to get her to gain when we were with CAMHS, I'm not sure how I could do it by myself.
Quote
Torie
Maybe someone else knows of some studies; for me, what has been striking is seeing over and over and OVER here on the forum, a mom/mum will say, "My Ed-kid is weight restored, but ... (insert your experience or mine or a bajillion other similar ones)."  And a bunch of ATDT veterans chime in to say if your ED-kid isn't showing improvement after a few months at ___ weight, it's worth trying another 3 - 5 kg.  Putting on those last 3-5 kg can be traumatic for all, but in the end, it often makes a huge difference. Over and over and over you will see this same saga play out here, with my d among them. Maybe I will start an ATDT survey - totally non-scientific of course, but the anecdotal experiences here have made a huge impact on how I think about this. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote
day_by_day
That's interesting to hear. And putting in those 3-5kg doesn't cause resentment or renewed attempts at restriction? How do you go about persuading d/s that putting on the additional weight us necessary?
Quote
Torie
P.S. I understand your reluctance because among other things this all started for your family when your d had a quick gain to 50th percentile BMI. No teen girl that I know of enjoys putting on weight.

But 

The normal growth pattern in adolescence is to put on weight first, often to the point of looking a bit chubby. Only AFTER that do they shoot up in height - they put on weight first in order to fuel increase in height. My d fell ill after increasing both weight and then a bit later, height, so the weight increase didn't appear to have been the trigger. But had she happened to have fallen ill a while earlier, it would have looked suspiciously like the increase in weight is what caused it all. I don't know whether the chicken caused the egg with your d or the egg caused the chicken. Or neither. I just know that adolescence is a time when so many things happen - BMI soars up and then drops back down, hormones rage, many brain changes occur, EDs tend to strike during this same time. So there's a decent chance the timing was just a coincidence. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote
Kali
Hi Day_by_Day

Yes it is worrying, and the thing that is also worrying is that even the weight gain does not actually seem to "solve" the problem or seem to "cure" the disorder. (Although there is lived experience on this board that sometimes this will come with time for some but it is not always a given) D. is still depressed. Of course she has only been weight restored for a month and eating normally since late December, so this may improve. But right now it seems like 6 of one thing or half a dozen of another as the expression goes. Either d. is underweight and ill because of that, or like now, she is weight restored and depressed as she is adapting to her new body. I've come to believe that intensive therapy PLUS weight gain is the best thing to try to help our teenagers around 17-18 in addition to family support. And maybe a low dose of an antidepressant to try to help the depression, anxiety around weight gain and fear of food...and trying to nurture those dreams and hopes that they can look forward to plan on doing in their lives when they are well. 

I do think that you are right to be concerned and maybe it is time to start thinking about possible plans in order to try to support her to get into a better place with her weight and eating habits.

This board is a great place, you could try reading some other threads about how families have handled weight gain in 17-18 year olds, and see if there is anything helpful there for your situation. I could not do it for my d. myself—I totally understand your fear. She is in residential care right now. 

Can you inspire your d. somehow to go speak with a therapist and maybe have some family therapy and voice your concerns and try to work for change? And try at home to increase the calories at the same time, little by little?

Kali
Food=Love
Quote
day_by_day
I'm probably being cynical here but it seems to me that if weight gain won't solve the disordered behaviours I have two options here:

A) Don't push the weight gain, keep d at a low but healthy weight at which she is able to participate in society but still retains some disordered behaviour.
Or
B) Push the weight gain, still retain the disordered behaviour, but also return to the nightmare of refeeding with risk that she will go back to restricting afterwards and end up lower than before.

She isn't yet 18 but she will be soon. Would it be worth trying to get her referred back to CAMHS? I'm actually not sure that they would take her at this weight.

During refeeding, my relationship with her was almost completely shattered. Aft two years, it is finally starting to mend and she (almost) trusts me again, though she won't let me physically touch her even now. I think if I pushed refeeding it might push her away for good. She might even move out actually.
Quote
Kali
Hi Day by Day

Sorry maybe I wasn't clear about what I've been observing.

The disordered behaviors around eating actually HAVE been improving with the weight gain however depression has now come to the forefront in the case of my d. I guess I'll have more to say on this topic when she comes home in a few weeks—I'll let you know! 

But I do think that full nutrition and the breaking of ED habitual behaviors around food seems to be the key element and the best foundation—it is supported by research. Without that piece there will not even be the possibility of remission and recovery. However I am a realist and also do not think that just eating and gaining the weight is going to cure the disorder without therapy and in the case of young adults, that they learn to really practice positive and adequate self care.

Does that make sense to you? 

Kali
Food=Love
Quote
day_by_day
Yes, that does make sense, thanks. D is definitely getting full nutrition, so I don't think that upping her diet would improve the behaviours on that front. I suppose it would be equally possible to challenge them without trying for weight gain, but Im not sure how to motivate her.
Quote
Sotired
Oh dear.i understand how hard this is,believe me.and obviously you have seen your d at truly terrifying weights if what she weighs now seems normal to you.and the fear that she will slip back to that terrifying weight is understandable.BUT.at the moment your d is firmly entrenched in her anorexia.she truly is.your camhs team let you down-sadly as torie has said-an all too common experience here.just because your d went from close to death to less close to death,they felt that was acceptable.in the real world,to function your d needs to weigh much more -probably at least another 7kg.
7kg.oh god.another mountain to climb.how am I supposed to do that when she barely eats enough now.what if she hurts herself.what if she hurts me.what if she stops eating anything.
All the thoughts in your head yeah?at the moment you have the power to get her into hospital if she stops eating.not only that but you have the knowledge that it's 24 hours if it's complete refusal of food and fluid,48 if it's food.throw away the scales.just tell her that if she is well you shouldn't need them anymore.its immensely boring to measure stuff-I barely do it for baking,let alone every meal.ed won't thank you for it,but your real d will.again,if she stops eating-off to. Hospital she goes.no negotiation,no talk,just the harsh reality that that is where sick people go.
I'm not sure which part of the world you are in,but if you have access to residential treatment,look into it.talk about it with your daughter.particularly if you feel that this is a battle you can't win,that you can't fight,which again is completely understandable.i don't know what else is going on in your life,no one can.but there will be no lessening of these behaviours at 47kg,that much I can tell you.the voice in your ds head is still there and still ruling her.
So maybe it's time to lay it on the line.to say that it's awesome that she has fought back from the brink of death ,but now there is more work to be done.that more food is needed,the scales are getting binned so food can't be measured as you know this adds to her stress.that you know how hard this is,but you also know more weight is needed,would it be easier to do this at home,or in a programme at residential?where would work best?because you know she is trying,but you also know the wrong weight was set and more needs to go on.so now the question is how to get that done.
Be as matter of fact as you can.come from a place of confidence that you know you are right in this.she will argue.eh,that's what they do.she will threaten.thats why now you have a plan for that.you are presenting the options.at least give it a go.good luck,
Sotired42
Quote
Kali
Hi Day by Day

I am not sure that 450 calories is really full nutrition for a dinner, and as you say she will not eat more than that. Have you tried getting an idea of how many calories she is consuming in a typical day? Below are the calories she would need to just maintain the weight of 103lbs at her height. Can you try to get her up more? If you read the boards here there are all sorts of ways parents have devised to slip higher calorie items into food if you can keep her out of the kitchen while you are preparing dinner. I think SoTired has a good idea about trying to ban the scales. Can you try doing that and not tell her that you want her to gain weight? And then increase her calories? And try to encourage her to see a therapist?

You need 1,893 Calories/day to maintain your weight. 
You need 2,393 Calories/day to gain 1 lb per week. 
 
You need 2,893 Calories/day to gain 2 lb per week. 
 
  


Kali
Food=Love
Quote
Kali
Also, Day by Day my d. went into residential treatment at 1.3kg lower than your d. is now. I saw no reason to let her continue like she was—she was so clearly completely in the grips of serious ED brain. Was she somewhat functional? Perhaps. Was she functioning optimally and was she happy and was she living a good life? Not by any stretch of the imagination. 

Kali



Food=Love
Quote
OneToughMomma
Dear Day by day,

You say, 'D is definitely getting full nutrition', and I would argue she is not.  I'm sorry, but what you describe in terms of behavior and weight/height does not scream full nutrition to me.

At that same age and height/weight my d was fully under the care of an FBT and was expected to be gaining at each of her weekly weigh-ins.  She continued for about 6 months from that point, to 51kg, before she was discharged. When the nutrition kicked in, she also grew a cm, which added another kg to her minimum healthy weight.

At 51+ kg and 18 years old she eats out with friends, eats greasy pastries, lives out of home and cooks for herself, and manages her own health.  She talks to me if she is worried about her weight (she worries she might lose weight and get sick and have to move back home and start over again). She takes herself to regular weigh ins with a GP, as she is expected to continue gain (healthy young women continue to put on weight until they reach their early 20's, see chart next post).

My d was much like your d.  She was afraid of the number 50, too.  She didn't want to gain weight, she said she was fine, she had her period, she was almost an adult, she was eating enough....  We had to push through that to get her well.  At about 50 kg she is okay with her weight and acknowledges the need to gain.  Less than that you just can't talk to her.

For my d, her mental state is directly and immediately connected to her weight.  If she loses more than a kg she becomes anxious, irrational, and argumentative, not just around food but around all aspects of life.  She is very difficult to live with.  Once the kg goes back on we see our happy, only-a-little-bit-anxious girl come back.

Looking at that chart alone, your d has maintained her weight at the lowest point.  If she had been a healthy 47kg at 15 (I'm guessing that's when CHAMS discharged her), then she should be a healthy 51 at age 18.  This means that she is definitely underweight.  There is no way she will lose the ED thinking and behaviours at this weight. Unfortunately you are right when you say, 'I am afraid that if she doesn't start to loosen up now, she will never be able to eat "normally" again.

This is distressing news, believe me, I know.  My d fell apart when we told her she needed to gain more because of her age.  (She was already underweight and had ED thinking.) $!it hit the fan.  We stayed as calm as possible and just reiterated that we would not support her in leaving home until we were reasonably sure she could maintain her health.  Our leverage was university.

You have very few years with your d in your house.  I'm afraid you need to make a move soon.  Putting weight on an older kid is hard, I know.  It's one of the hardest things we have ever done. 

The rewards are great, though.  ED's are genetic, and I see adults in h's family in their 50's who are ill.  It's just the saddest, loneliest existence to live with your mother and drink the water left over from steaming veggies. Our d's deserve more.

If you want to do this we will help you.

Sending a big cyber hug cause I know it's awful.

xoOTM



http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/set1clinical/cj41c022.pdf


D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
Quote
OneToughMomma
Screen_Shot_2016-02-28_at_7.27.50_am_copy.jpg 
D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
Quote
Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. I can fully understand why you are frightened of challenging your D's eating disorder. There is no doubt that it is alive and well. There is a common term for those stuck at this stage: functional anorexia. Many of the ED behaviours are still there but there is not the constant drive to lose weight, and they are able to keep up with school etc.
There are many on here that have found that with higher weights there has been a marked improvement in ED thinking. We have not found that to be completely the case with my D, though it appears to me that your D is underweight as well. She should have gained since discharge, because this is what normal teens do. What has helped in our case was challenging the thinking and behaviours. Your D is no where near well. Can she go overseas on a holiday? Can she go away for a weekend? What happens at parties and sleepovers? Her eating disorder is still controlling the household meals. This needs to be challenged. If she is living under your roof, you should not be controlled by her behaviours. Stop weighing. Increase the diet and variety of foods. Throw out the calorie apps (she may well have these in her head anyway unfortunately). There is significant evidence that with a much broader variety in foods there is an improvement in thinking processes too, better gut flora to help the brain.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Quote
day_by_day
Ok, I feel as though I am learning more here. From what I am hearing, if she gains weight, the ed behaviours will go, yes?

The reason I said she was getting full nutrition is because she eats 1900-2000 calories a day which is normal for a teen of her age and the foods she eats are giving her a healthy balanced diet.

She hasn't got much taller since discharge - probably half a centimetre at most, and has kept her period which was the main method used by CAMHS to determine when she was fully wr.

We haven't been abroad on holiday but we have been on holiday in the UK and she does go to sleepovers. She has always coped well with both of these although she admittedly this is because she has had access to foods she is comfortable with and can easily count.

If she is not healthy then yes, of course I want her to become so. I feel like a really negligent mother. However, I can't think of anything in the world that could persuade her to eat more. I can't use university because, given the choice, I'm 100% sure she would decide not to go rather than put on weight. Food and weight is still so important to her which itself is wrong I know. Maybe I'm just trying to persuade myself everything is ok because I'm scared of turning her into that raging ed monster again. I feel as though at least I have half of my daughter back now, whereas before I didn't have any of her.

Looking at the posts here, you people are all so strong. I don't know how you do it. I'm ashamed of how little I have achieved these past two years.
Quote
AUSSIEedfamily
Dear day_by_day,

Welcome here. Others have provided you with great information. I know for our D the ed behaviours took some time to become a thing of the past. While weight restoration restores a whole heap of brain function & reasoning capability for many of our offspring once weight restoration is achieved they need to work on changing their behaviours & habits that were learned during the time of undernourishment/starvation. For some this requires professional help & I know with our D she needed professional/clinical help to make the leap from her ed learned habits/behaviours to what she now has as healthy or normal non-ed habits/behaviours.

I believe that your D would benefit from seeing a  ed clinician that can help her learn new habits & behavious.
ED Dad
Quote
AUSSIEedfamily
Dear day_by_day,

I just read this line of your post


I'm ashamed of how little I have achieved these past two years

Now that one statement that all of us here have felt at some point in time but as we have learn here we need to ditch those thoughts completely.

""Do Not Be Ashamed"" be proud of what you have achieved your D is alive & on the journey to recovery & that's heaps down to you.

You have found a place of huge experience & knowledge from across the world & its stuff the clinicians mostly will never experience or feel first hand you can now drawn on it free of charge 24 hours a day 365 days a year.

I am now amongst those who are able to give back as our D has achieved a health state without an ed.
ED Dad
Quote
Torie
day_by_day wrote:
Ok, I feel as though I am learning more here. From what I am hearing, if she gains weight, the ed behaviours will go, yes?


If she gains enough weight and keeps it on, while not establishing compensatory behaviors (e.g, purging, exercise compulsion), then hopefully the behaviours will go. What is even more certain is that if she DOESN'T gain the weight, the behaviours will remain.

day_by_day wrote:
I feel like a really negligent mother.
 

Oh no no no, you are not a negligent mother!!! You are one of the many mothers who was let down by the "professionals" who apparently were negligent as so many, unfortunately, are. I is not your fault that they gave you and your d bad advice - they bill themselves as experts. Ugh. They are the ones who should feel bad about this - not you. Here's the important thing, though: Feeling guilty doesn't help your precious d. Quite the opposite, it plays into the ED. The best way to help your d is to project calm, compassionate, courageous - that's how to fight ED. Guilty, angry, sad, depressed ... if she sees those in you, that just helps the  ED maintain its grip. So, whether you feel calm, confident, courageous, and compassionate or not, the best thing to do is act like you do.

day_by_day wrote:
However, I can't think of anything in the world that could persuade her to eat more. I can't use university because, given the choice, I'm 100% sure she would decide not to go rather than put on weight. 


That is a sure sign that she is firmly in the grips of ED. Others who have older ED-kids can help with suggestions.

day_by_day wrote:
Food and weight is still so important to her which itself is wrong I know.


Wrong? It's not a value judgment thing - it's a symptom.

day_by_day wrote:
Maybe I'm just trying to persuade myself everything is ok because I'm scared of turning her into that raging ed monster again. I feel as though at least I have half of my daughter back now, whereas before I didn't have any of her.


I'm so sorry. It's terrifying, isn't it. But I'm confident you can do it.

day_by_day wrote:
Looking at the posts here, you people are all so strong. I don't know how you do it.


I'll let you in on a secret - some of us (raises hand) are pretty sure we're not as strong as many of the warriors here. BUT when the chips are down, it's amazing how much heroic work we can do. And it is indeed hero's work that we're called upon to do - I always knew I'd walk into fire for my kids if I needed to, but I never expected to be called upon to tackle THIS monster. The whole thing really sucks.

day_by_day wrote:
I'm ashamed of how little I have achieved these past two years.


Oh no no no! Please don't be ashamed! You will find good folks here - awesome strong, smart heroic people - who fell into exactly the same trap you fell into. It's not your fault!!! If we had a ticket back in time, we all would do things differently. But that's not an option - the only direction we can go is forward. It's a hard journey, but you've come to the best place to help you through. So sorry you needed to join us here ... so sorry we can't tell you what you want to hear ... but glad you have found this place of support and HOPE. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote

        

WTadmin