F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Sotired Show full post »
HopeNZ
Sotired, your post oozes calm, peace and wisdom. I’m so pleased for you. Enjoy this hard-earned moment of respite as you recover 🌺
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Francie
Sotired, I am thinking of you. I always love to hear your practical wisdom. I am so sorry this journey has been so difficult for you and your family. I am wishing you peace and healing. Thank you for being so helpful to everyone while you are in the midst of such difficult times. I admire you greatly and am sending my prayers. XO

Francie

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Sotired
Thanks everyone for your lovely thoughts and good wishes.
Where are we now?
D has disowned me. Won’t let me visit or talk to her. Not coming to family Xmas.
My h is heartsick , not only that she has made that decision, but also that I am ok with it. That despite everything, I am happy. I am singing. I am enjoying my life.
Three things as I told him
1) I am on antidepressants, they stop me from hurting beyond what I can cope with
2) I won’t be manipulated.
3) it’s ok, if you have done everything in your power to help someone and they return that love with unpleasantness and lies ,to let that person go.
Even if you gave birth to them.
I am not responsible for this, and I will no longer accept that because she is like this that my life has to be miserable.
She has made her decision.
My h wants to keep visiting her, which hurts me greatly as I feel he is supporting her vindictiveness, but three fights later, I have come to accept that my decision is mine and his decision is his.i don’t like it but I understand his need to be seen as the good guy , he’s always been like this. I also understand that it is most likely mean spirited of me to want him to leave her to learn the hard way what it actually means to be without parental support.
I’m not a perfect person, and this situation that I didn’t create, but that arose it would appear because I needed to look after myself and get surgery , it baffles me.
But this is where we are. It’s been over five years. And I have done all I can ever do for my d.
She is still very sick and I don’t see an end in sight.but I’m tired. So very, very tired.
So I’m going to live my life. I am going to choose to be happy.
Sotired42
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Nicstar4
Your strength and considered choices are incredible. You have chosen you. In doing so I hope your d can see the role model that you have presented. In the end we are only responsible for ourselves. I wish you ongoing space for happiness x
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kazi67
My Thoughts are with you so tired
And to your precious girl who didn’t choose this illness and god knows why they can’t seem to treat it properly
We all know what they need to get the weight on and keep it on
So easy but so hard!!! [frown]
Wishing you peace and happiness now and over the festive season that is such a difficult time for us all with ED in our lives
xx
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AUSSIEedfamily
Dear Sotired,

I get it and empathise with you. There was a short time in our journey where we kind of had a similar situation. particularly from my situation. I kind of did what you are doing and just let my wife do what she could but was always ready to be available.

I am very fortunate that eventually things turned around. I do hope that there may be a time where it turns for you.
ED Dad
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melstevUK
Bless you Sotired,

Please know that I support you one hundred percent in what you are doing right now - and yes, I think we share similar brains!  My brain can only cope being on an anti-depressant, otherwise it collapses into a dithering heap leading to tears and no self-esteem.....

I clearly don't have the power to analyse what is happening in d's head right now - but in spite of her severe presentation of illness, in all its complexities, I believe that you are absolutely right in moving away, allowing her to push you away, reject you without trying to 'win her back'.  

You have given a thousand per cent to this girl - and at some point she has to learn that if she lives or dies, she has to make that choice herself independently of what is happening around her.  I do sincerely believe that medically her team can now help her pull through but she has to learn not to sabotage that in any way.  It is about coming to terms with leaving childhood and taking steps to being an adult.  We all have to learn that at some stage.

In the meantime your h is still there for her, you have found peace and you urgently needed to take time for you.  

I feel so sad for the whole of your family - but I see no other way forward and in the end, what will be will be.  We always want a united family but sometimes splits occur.  That is reality versus the ideal.

Sending big hugs.  You have always been strong and I have so much admiration for you. 

Mel xx

Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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