F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

nindels3
Hello Everyone,  I read this forum every morning for inspiration! Thank you to all who have posted their experiences with this perplexing and insidious illness.  My 14 year old  d is currently in Phase One, and has been for about 2 months.  She will be "fine" most of the day (eating all she should), then suddenly, this rage erupts.  Its unstoppable and uncontrollable.  I have tried ignoring it, but she follows me around the house screaming and cussing at me.  I have seen Off the Cuff mentioned several times...but can't seem to get my hands on it.  Does anyone know where I can find a copy?  Or have a copy they don't need anymore?  Thanks so much!
Lori - taking lots of deep breaths!
Quote
MarcellaUK

we had a week by week discussion of this and SOMEWHERE there's a resume of it all. Here is the first thread http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/duke-off-the-cuff-2807644?highlight=cuff
I personally found both the work book and the discussion very helpful, although I know that others disliked the approach intenseley.
I had to order my copy from Duke University, and it's VERY tattered and worn now so you wouldn't want it! It appears to be possible still to order it from Duke - this is the order form http://www.dukehealth.org/repository/dukehealth/2011/01/04/15/34/02/8660/Off%20the%20CUFF%20order%20form.pdf

There are other books that many have found helpful too. Some of them are reviewed here http://feast-ed.org/Services/BookReviewsbyParents.aspx
At a quick glance I don't think my latest favourite is yet in it - Throwing Starfish by Laura Collins and Charlotte Bevan - it's so accessible, easy to read, funny and concise. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19151525-throwing-starfish-across-the-sea

Fiona Marcella UK
Quote
MidWestMom
I have a copy...  and have found it to be a helpful resource. 

A Parent Skills Book for the Management of Disordered Eating by Nancy Zucker at Duke University Medical Center.

http://books.google.com/books/about/Off_the_C_U_F_F.html?id=8hH6OQAACAAJ

C=Clear 
U=Undisturbed
F=Firm
F=Funny
17 yr old d dx RAN in June 2013.   W/R in Jan. 2014; as of May 2014- independently and doing well.  Read more at Paula-Ponders.com
Quote
nindels3
Thank you both very much!  It would be a welcomed relief to read something with a little humor.  Sometimes, when the raging demon is hurling profanities, my instinct is to laugh.  My 14 year old d can be so theatrical its like I am watching some incredible over-acting!  It would be funny in a Lifetime movie but...not that funny when it is real. [confused][smile]
Lori - taking lots of deep breaths!
Quote
Red
I waded through off the cuff but didn't notice much in the way of a sense of humour. I know exactly what you mean about the high drama - we had to work hard not to smile at some of the patently ridiculous things that ed had to say
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
Quote
nindels3
Hi Red,  Thanks for your reply.  Did you find the book helpful?  Some say it is, and some...not so much.  
Thanks!
Lori - taking lots of deep breaths!
Quote
Red
I loathed most of it, although found a couple of images very useful. I would not, however, want this to put you off, as I know many have found it to be really useful.
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
Quote
nindels3
Hi, thanks for the input...maybe Ican stop bustin my a** trying to find it!
Lori - taking lots of deep breaths!
Quote
Red
As others have said, you can purchase it straight from the website, but it is pretty spendy! Perhaps have a look at the discussion thread first - Marcella posted links above.
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
Quote
Colleen
We had an online discussion about this ATDT a few years ago, and you can find chapter-by-chapter in the Hall of Fame under Book Discussions.

I'm with Red: couldn't stand it.  I found it patronizing.  I am already a good parent, thanks anyway; I don't need to be told how to parent.  I needed skills for treating ED.  There were some useful constructs in the book, like ED being like a toddler having a tantrum in your child's head, and the notion of the emotional wave.

It got off on the wrong foot with me by starting out with Chapter 1: Self Care.  Not because I don't think self care isn't important, but when your hair is on fire and your child is at high risk of cardiac arrest, do I really think a bubble bath will calm me down?

What books do you have?  IMHO, every parent needs Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder.  There are several other books that I find helpful--Brave Girl Eating, Eating with Your Anorexic, Decoding Anorexia, Throwing Starfish and the first half of Give Food a Chance.
Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
Quote
torontoMomCAN
Colleen wrote:
 but when your hair is on fire and your child is at high risk of cardiac arrest, do I really think a bubble bath will calm me down?


Thank you for that one - I think I will use it.  I also get that self-care is important but really, sometimes you have to put out the fire first...
torontoMom, D was on her way to full blown RAN in June 2013. Refeeding now. Return of periods in October 2013, and looking for that sweet spot where her body stabilizes...and she keeps gaining like a normal teen would.
Quote
Colleen
I should have said, "When your hair is on fire, will a bubble bath put it out?"
Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
Quote
EB
Maybe just because the conversation seems to be a little weighted in favour of those who didn't like it and I want to balance the scales a bit, but I will put my head above the parapet and say that those chapters on the emotional wave alone were worth the weight of the book in gold as far as I remember.  I am, of course, liable to be an unreliable witness - when I bought the book I was desperate for help and inclined to treat everything that was useful as a bit of a bible (and, will 'fess up, am still an unreformed perfectionist in trying to do things "by the book" when I have decided that the book in question is coming from the right place) but I still keep that ugly, expensive, badly made manual in a special place on my bookshelf.

I was a part of those earlier discussions and there are, as you can pick up there if you choose to read through them, chapters that I found at the least confusing if not just not applicable in my own situation (the one about setting tables for dinner and sitting eating as a family springs to mind - we had been doing that "forever" and it hadn't stopped us from falling down this ginormous rabbit hole).

I gained a lot from Off the C.U.F.F. - it was more readily accessible than Janet Treasure's first book (I wasted a lot of time there working out where everyone might be on the "readiness ruler"!) although it is patronising in patches, and I do think, instead of working through it in an orderly fashion, week by week, as it is intended, it helps if you find the chapters that speak to you and focus on those first - read, inwardly digest and take or reject the rest as you will, the emotional wave is still something that I relate to and am thankful to have been introduced to as a concept.
Erica, UK
Quote
nindels3
I want to thank everyone for their great input here!  I will probably try to get Off The Cuff and give it a shot.  Even if I can glean some helpful snippet...it would be worth it.  I have read How to Help Your Teenager, Brave Girl Eating, and Life Without Ed, and most recently, Please Eat, which I loved!

Thanks again, it feels like I am not alone here!
Lori - taking lots of deep breaths!
Quote
Red
You're not.
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
Quote

        

WTadmin