F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Yogi13
I am very new to re-feeding, but my d does eat what I give her (and for this I am grateful).  At first, it was a terrible struggle, but now it seems to be getting easier.  However, if I didn't call her for each meal, I know she wouldn't eat (she has told me this).  My question is:  Does their taste for food come back gradually, or is there some sort of magical moment where they suddenly enjoy eating once again?  I hope my question doesn't sound silly; I am curious to hear all of your experiences.   
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Ronson
Hi 

My daughter has recently - so almost a year since relapse and refeeding beginning - started to comment favourably about food. She definitely has preferences and will comment something was tasty or nice. 

Although I’m not convinced she would eat without my persistence on this 

R
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Yogi13
Ronson,

Thank you.  So there is a light at the end of this, at times, very dark tunnel.  It seems that this is a long and rough road.  I remain hopeful and positive.
xx
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scaredmom
Hi 
my d started to articulate that she liked certain foods at about one year after diagnosis and then she was about 3-5 month WR. 
Her first thing was ‘the peas taste great with butter’ I almost missed hearing it and then it dawned on me hours later! That is when I started the gold star moment thread- to celebrate these precious moments.
i also thin my d felt guilty liking food for awhile and then that popped out.
😊
it just takes time
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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smileymum
Hi there Yogi13
Well done on getting your D to this point.

It varies as you can see. My D is about 1 year post IP. I think about 6 months she started to feel hunger cues more regularly.
She rarely says yummy while eating but she does express delight at the thought of 1 food over another when I offer her a choice. I'm not sure she really enjoys food like most people do but get it fuels life and she'll take a few sweets or an ice-lolly after a meal so, she likes certain tastes. If dinner gets pushed back, she might wander down and say: when's food? which is music to my ears of course.

I'd love her to say yummy but I'm not sure she ever will. We've got a year before uni so I'll be working on getting her to feed herself reliably over the next year. For me, as long as she can do this, it's fine. That's just us. I love your ambition, though. Good for you : )
Smileymum
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Yogi13
I will check out the gold star thread for sure.  All of your posts are inspiring.  You have all come so far yourselves and should be proud.  This disease is terrifying and life altering for all of us.  One day at a time, one meal at a time, one mouthful at a time is my new mantra.  The few people who I have told this to don't get it.  I am thankful to have found all of you.

Yogi13
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scaredmom
Yogi13,
You are doing so well! And your attitude is so great! 
Many don’t understand ED unless they live with it like us, 😔.
We are glad you are here and hope you get what you need!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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workingthrough
Ronson wrote:
Hi 

My daughter has recently - so almost a year since relapse and refeeding beginning - started to comment favourably about food. She definitely has preferences and will comment something was tasty or nice. 

Although I’m not convinced she would eat without my persistence on this 

R


This is us exactly as well. Very similar time line also, ~a year.

S expressed just this weekend that he really liked a new kind of yogurt. He also reminded us/asked if he’d be having dessert (We do desserts M-Sat, but typically not Sundays). He asked what he’d be having and if he could have licorice (also asked for one piece less than a “typical dessert”, sigh) . . . but he did ask. 

We feel the same in that he’d probably cut corners if we didn’t keep pushing/plating/watching. It is much easier than before, however.

Those first four-six months are a blur. Dark, dark days where we only survived minute to minute. Please take care of yourself. Schedule free time just for you. Take deep breaths. I wish I knew you in person and could help more. It’s SO hard. You’re doing it and doing wonderfully - progress will come!! Thinking of you. 
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Yogi13
Wow.  So it appears that this is a long haul.  A very long haul.  


Those first four-six months are a blur. Dark, dark days where we only survived minute to minute. Please take care of yourself. Schedule free time just for you. Take deep breaths. I wish I knew you in person and could help more. It’s SO hard. You’re doing it and doing wonderfully - progress will come!! Thinking of you. 

workingthrough

I can see how the first few months are a blur.  My daughter informed me that we are beginning week 6, not 5 tomorrow, and it seems like an eternity.  We have had some pretty trying days where all I did was attempt to feed her and cry.  She is currently more accepting of her meals, as I am persistent.  I agree that self-preservation is important.  I continue to do the things I like when time allows (you know-your entire schedule revolves around meal time).  I have also taken off from work this summer to feed her.  She is starting high school in September, and I hope things are better.  We will see.  
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workingthrough
You’re doing amazing!!! I promise it does get better!! 

We had no idea what a trek (and I’m thankful, in some ways, that we didn’t). We caught s’s restricting very quickly, had a great team in place, support, but yes . . . it just takes time. I was sure it would be a couple weeks and all would be better; sadly, just not the case for us. 

I promise it gets better. We eventually went minutes, hours, meals, days, weekends, etc. without significant pushback or troubles. There’s a great post on timelines that is so true, I’ll find it and post it. It’s helped us a lot. 

It will get better though! Just know that each completed meal, snack, each fear food, etc. is progress. It will come, it will! 

Take care of yourself and post here also. I think you’ll see a lot of progress before school starts again. Do you have other kids? How are they doing? It’s just the hardest thing - ever. Please know we’re here and cheering you on. You’re doing amazing!

eta this link,  https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/stages-and-timelines-and-how-they-set-us-all-up-to-fail-7917698?highlight=timelines&trail=25

I found it very helpful 
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workingthrough
We have had some pretty trying days where all I did was attempt to feed her and cry. 

Don’t feel silly or wrong to reach out for help for yourself, either. Truly. If you’re crying and can’t stop, struggling a lot, it’s not wrong/bad to find help or medication for some time for yourself. 

I had days (most days in the beginning) that I did the same - just cried any chance I had. The forums, finding other families going through similar things, has been a huge support to me. Please message anytime. She’s blessed to have you.  
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debra18
I had a very good experience with zinc. My daughter did not know what she was taking it for and after two weeks she started saying food tasted good. (This was only at a healthy weight and 6 months after beginning of refeeding.) She now says yum all the time.
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tina72
Zinc deficiency is very common with AN, also B 12 deficiency. Both cause depression and low appetite. Worth to check that. I heard "yummy" the first time after having these values on good levels (about 9 months after WR).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30959831
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mamaroo
She started to say the food tastes yummy around WR plus 6 months. Same experience with the zinc. I gave her zinc supplements for a long time. Hang in there, it does get better!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Yogi13
ZInc and B12-I will try them both. Thanks for the tip.  

You’re doing amazing!!! I promise it does get better!! 

Thank you for your encouraging words.  She went to her dance last night, and had a great time.  One month ago, I didn't think this was possible, so yes, she is making progress.  


We had no idea what a trek (and I’m thankful, in some ways, that we didn’t). We caught s’s restricting very quickly, had a great team in place, support, but yes . . . it just takes time. I was sure it would be a couple weeks and all would be better; sadly, just not the case for us. 

Sort of the same situation for us-caught fairly early, etc.  I am beginning to realize how long a journey this will be.


It will get better though! Just know that each completed meal, snack, each fear food, etc. is progress. It will come, it will! 

She is pretty compliant with her meals, but talks about how she hates that "her mommy" has to feed her.  She wants to be independent again.  


Take care of yourself and post here also. I think you’ll see a lot of progress before school starts again. Do you have other kids? How are they doing? It’s just the hardest thing - ever. Please know we’re here and cheering you on. You’re doing amazing!

I love having this resource.  Everyone is so informative and welcoming.  I am hoping for progress before school begins.  I took off from work this summer to ensure she eats.  We have another d who is going to be 17 soon.  She's pretty independent and busy with her own life.  I think she feels badly that her sister is going through this, but she is also very involved in her own life (typical teenager).  



Although our lives have drastically changed, I make sure I do something each day that I enjoy.  I am a big believer in self-preservation.  I am also back seeing a therapist.  I have put tings for me in order so that I can take care of her.  So far, so good.  As hard as this is, I remain positive, hopeful and strong.  There is no other way for me to be.  I want to lead my daughter by example and show her that she has the strength to recover from this.  

I march on.  

xx
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scaredmom
Just a precaution and I will find the article when I have time. Check the b12 levels first. High b12 levels in AN can be a marker of liver disease from AN. It does not harm to give but you want to be sure it is required.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Yogi13
scaredmom,

I am going to her ped this week, so I will be sure to check her bloodwork (she had bloodwork within the last month) before I embark on giving her any supplements.  Thank you in advance for posting the article.  
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scaredmom
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25446249

This was shared by a wise forum member and it has stuck with me.
Just FYI
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Yogi13
A follow up story to this thread-at dinner tonight, I gave d chocolate oat milk (just to give her belly a little rest from the milk-has lactose issues), and she looked at me and said the milk was “YUMMY”.  I was so happy.  I know we have a long road, but I’ll take it! 
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scaredmom
That is a gold star moment!! Wonderful to hear that. 
It does mean so much to us to hear those words, doesn't it? 
That makes me smile.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mamaroo
"Yummy" is my new favourite word. Doing the happy dance for you 💃
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Yogi13
Thank you!  I’ll take the gold star, the smile and the happy dance!  Thank you for being so supportive.  🥰
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