F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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smileymum
 
1. Just how many I’m fat/need to be slimmer/i’m on the xxx diet/ooh I ought to be good and not eat that.... type conversations there are in everyday communication
 
2. Very skinny people - like you are on ‘possible anorexic person' alert
 
3. Calories. I notice them in everything. I think I count them in my sleep instead of sheep
 
4. That only those with ED in their family can ever really get it

5. That the rest of the world seems to continue on normally - and you marvel at how

Feel free to add your observations....


Smileymum
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WorriedMum68
I agree with all these! Also, whenever I switch the radio on in the car with my AN daughter beside me, there is either an advert about the dangers of obesity or a slimming club advert. I just put my own music on now....

WM68
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Ellesmum
Oh yes, TV and radio adverts, they seem to constantly mention sugar or obesity. I also notice how often the word fat is said randomly by people and it makes me wince.

Any time I hear or read a parent talk about their fussy eater my spider senses tingle, especially when coupled with poor appetite and high activity levels.

Damn calorie counts everywhere, Every menu. Dammit, we know Burger King is not for every meal and should be a now and then thing.

How we censor every word we speak and hold our breath in case it’s the wrong thing that will cause a volcanic eruption.

Just how many brave parents there are fighting for their kids, how patient, strong and tough we are.

Ellesmum
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debra18
I went to my friend. My daughter was talking about how she feeds her fish 3 bread crumbs a day. My friend said "we should all eat like that. Than we would be thin and beautiful".
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scaredmom

OH debra!!! I hope you set them straight!

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
smileymum,

I notice that almost everyone seems to have a poor relationship with food. And Ed is more common than I ever thought!
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mcmum
How many of the kids I teach skip meals.
How many are tiny - so much smaller and thinner than their peers.
How much our lives and self esteem is tied up with body image
How many pounds I've put on since refeeding my son and how little I care anymore!!
How many cooking programmes there are on TV
How many people still trot out the line about AN being "a control thing"
How you never know what's around the corner....
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debra18
Scaredmom I wish I could. That's the other thing, people think I am over sensitive now. Yes, most people have "disordered eating"
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smileymum
Wow McMum and Debra18
Scary stuff to hear and see....clearly so much more prevalent than I ever thought in youngsters

Scaredmom
yes to poor relationship with food everywhere. CAHMS ED therapist said: most of us have some kind of emotional relationship with food ....from reaching for a choc bar around PMT to stocking up on carbs when we feel low to restricting the day after 'blowing out' so we feel better about ourselves. I kind of remember my mum and many of her friends being on permanent diets all their adult lives that never worked as they wanted to....Of course it doesn't matter so much if it's not intefering with everyday life but being on a diet in my experience in my younger days just made me obsess about food/my next meal and whether I'd been good (cue elation for limited time) or bad (cue feelings of self-blame). It's not freedom, certainly and it's not psychologically healthy. Stopped dieting years ago as a result (cue relief.)

Ellesmum
Yes to all of that (although have found the calories on menus out a little helpful in ensuring D getting enough when eating out to begin with) and yes, I forgot to mention the important thing that you picked up on and have noticed:  just how many brave, fighting parents there are battling for their kids. I never knew until this forum. Glad not to be alone in this journey.

All power to you xx


Smileymum
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mrh74
All of the above!  Plus, I will now call out things which might be triggering/risky - someone at work set up a weight loss challenge, based on who could reduce their BMI the most over 6 weeks or so.  I was very worried about not only the concept but also the fact that many of those who signed up didn't even appear over-weight.  I felt morally obliged to speak up and it was quietly cancelled by HR (it helped that I'm the lawyer and could object on data protection grounds too!) but I was very keen that the organisers (who were completely well meaning) understood the dangers of this sort of contest.... x
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tina72
Great that you could stop that, mfh74!

My gynecologist asked me this week how my d is. I told her that she is fine but still needs to eat a lot just to maintain her weight.

She said "I wish I could eat that much!"

I answered: "NO, you do not wish that. Not one day." She was silent then.

I notice that we have a lot to do with giving more informations...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mid73
I think I feel the same as everybody who has posted. If there is one positive thing that has come out of my D having AN is that I no longer worry about what I’m eating or my weight. We have no scales anymore and I don’t miss them! I really worry that because of the anti obesity, clean eating and healthy eating messages that are all around s us parents may not realise how much food and calories healthy children need to eat to grow and stay strong.
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tina72
mimi321 wrote:
When I dropped in the following week with my son all posters were gone! She got it. I was quite relieved.


It was great that you spoke to her about that and that she took that off!!! So we seem to be able to change something. Tiny little steps, but changes!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ocras68
My youngest daughter’s prep school (private primary school in the U.K.) has a poster up outside the dining hall “All about pears” or similar title. It tells you about the vitamins and minerals in a pear, then compares the calorie content of a pear to that of an apple. Really? Really? A “normal” child won’t be remotely interested in this, but for someone like my ED middle daughter it would be a disaster. I wanted to scream. I haven’t been on this road long enough to be able to raise my concerns without bursting into tears, and I don’t want to “out” my daughter (who left two years ago) as it’s a small school where all the teachers remember every child. It’s not brave, but I’m trying to protect her.

All these triggers. The awful traffic-light calorie/fat listing on the front of food packaging.

How women constantly say “oh, I shouldn’t” about cake, or “I’ve been so good today” about “resisting” a biscuit.

Being hyper-alert to a certain look in teenagers. I saw a teenage girl with her mum in the supermarket this week and the daughter had thin legs and long skinny fingers like my daughter. She was putting a bag of salad in their trolley. I wanted to go up to the mum and say “Stop. Oh please stop. You can save her”. But that’s crazy talk, so I finished my shopping (full of high calorie options), went home, and cried in my kitchen instead.
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