F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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WorriedMum68 Show full post »
I wonder if I should write, too.  From what I have seen here, open weighing often causes more problems than it solves/prevents.  Open weighing worked better for my d, but I always feel very much in the minority when I say that.  xx

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
I also experienced that most patients do much better with blind weighings. Some need open weighings, like your d Torie, but I also think you are in minority. It would be great if you find the time to write him, too! The more voices we are for that the more they will think about it, I hope. I do not want them to prefer blind weighing now, I just want them to be open to both and to let the parents decide what to do.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
WorriedMum68 wrote:

Kali, yes I shall see a doctor as soon as I can. Have also thought of some sort of medication, didn’t want to go down that route but my stance on that is now softening. Have also developed eczema, so not feeling great.....


Many parents have needed medical support. You cannot help your child if you are suffering too. Some have had to take meds to settle themselves and ready themselves prior to meals to be able to get through the meals.(short acting sedatives) 
As for not wishing to have meds, I would reframe and say, that if your child needed meds for an infection, cancer etc. you would do it without hesitancy and if you need meds to help you  during this period in your life, why not make it easier/better and healthier for you too?
Meds were made to help us not hurt us, and it does not have to be for a long long time, just enough, long enough to help you.

Sending you my support,

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Worriedmum68 yes do please seek help for yourself. This is an extremely difficult time for you. I had my own separate sessions with a psychiatrist to help deal with extreme distress when D was at her most ill. I did not feel I needed medication, rather I felt I needed to have someone who knew D, we had the same psychiatrist, and knew exactly what had been happening.

As for your D and CAMHS, it is normal for them to hate being weighed and also normal for them to hate have an assessment of their ED. My D also hated her appointments, though she did not run away for routine check ups. Having check ups and visits brings the eating disorder thoughts to the fore again but separate from meals. 

We had a lot of trouble with weight restoration, and needed multiple hospitalisations. She would just stop eating and often could not eat anything if food appeared to frightening. We did have to work around that but long term she now eats everything. I think it is OK to leave fear foods if is getting in the way of weight restoration. That is your number one goal. Sometimes avoiding the fear foods though will be a barrier to weight restoration. It depends on what they are avoiding. For my D anything that contained, or she thought contained fats or oils was an issue. Anything that was calorie dense was an issue. Fruit and vegetables no issue  at all but you can't weight restore on those. So the question is will you be able to gain the weight with the foods that she will eat at the moment? Will she be able to eat enough of them? Sometimes volume will become an issue.

As for the medication we did use it for D's severe depression and suicidality. We used both fluoxetine and olanzapine. I don't think and she doesn't think it ever helped her eating, not one bite. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
As Foodsupport_AUS says, Even having someone, a professional, to talk to is really important, even if you don't need/choose meds.  I do see a therapist after all the refeeding trauma and it is traumatic for us too. I have tried EMDR and it is good to help process the trauma. 
Keep on feeding!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Scaredmom and Foodsupport_AUS, thank you both for your helpful replies. You are both right about the need to take care of oneself, something which I have neglected to do. I am going to see a doctor soon to explain the situation and hopefully get some sort of medication. I am also looking for a therapist who knows about eating disorders so I can both let off steam there and discuss practical ideas.

The issue of introducing fear foods has been the thing I have agonised about the most. I tried to give my daughter something new, which wasn’t one of her scariest foods, a couple of weeks ago. She chipmunked the foods both times, and since then her mood has deteriorated and she has had several violent outbursts. She eats a good range of foods, and a decent amount for a normal person, but of course her body needs far more to repair the damage. I think it better to focus on trying to up the amount she eats rather than introducing fear foods, and hope that as her weight slowly improves her thinking will become more rational. I am scared of leaving it too late, though, but I can’t imagine what it would do to her mental state if we were to force them on her now. It’s all very difficult, as everyone on here knows!

Best wishes


I refed my son almost entirely on safe foods which for him was mostly soup. I gradually adapted the recipes to include more and more nutrition especially fats and protein. I gradually introduced more soup varieties so increasing the range of nutrients he was getting.

Increasing both the volume of food and the nutritional density of each mouthful will help your daughter towards health.

Warm wishes

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.