F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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joanne34 Show full post »
Foodsupport_AUS
It is so hard to watch but so, so normal. She is clearly feeling more distressed as the pressure is on to increase her intake. Her distress is real. Unfortunately the best things we can do is often sit with that distress. Offer her warmth, company, distraction. Let her know that as wretched as she feels that the feeling will pass, and one day it will get better. At this stage, medication is not a lot of help. Keeping her safe is important, as self injury can escalate. What we mustn't do is back off on the food. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Enn
Joanne34, 
What you are experiencing is normal and expected and hard for them and really hard for us to witness.
BUT: it is part of the process of healing. I heard that here on the forum at the beginning and I must say it felt weird and uncomfortable to think 'Really, my d has to go through horrible time... REALLY?!". And yes on the other side, I now know it is true, true, true. If ED is happy then ED has found a loophole I think of this distress as ED coming to the surface, now we can see it, we can acknowledge that it is ED and now we treat him.

Here is a site I find helpful to put things into perspective.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
joanne34 wrote:
Our major concern today is whether we need to contact 111 or the children's A and E as she is highly distressed (appears mentally ill) howling when she wakes up and before she goes to sleep, rocking, trying to scratch her arms and twitching her legs. Also very shut down, not wanting to communicate or look at people. Not wanting to wash etc.


This is basically what they nearly all do in that state, some refuse to shower and some even to brush their teeth. Try to ignore it, she will not die from dirt.
Try to supervise her as much as possible so she cannot harm herself and try to distract her. Can you put her in front of TV the whole day?
She does not need to communicate or look at you. She only needs to eat.
It is hard to get through that but a normal episode. It will get better when she gains more.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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joanne34
We've decided to keep her off school tomorrow.  She had calmed down and engaged with things early afternoon but then I gave her a cereal bar she hadn't had before and she lost it. I'm making tea which I know she'll eat as she always does but she is screaming 'I don't want to gain weight/get better etc'. We are trying to stay calm and taking it in turns to deal with her. I'll contact the eating disorder clinic in case they have any further advice. It is definitely a marked change in her behaviour and I hope it is a positive and a sign that she is having to face up to change. It is so hard though!
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Kali

HI Joanne34

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How did you know you were on the road to recovery and did it still take ages once it occurred or did the recovery pace pick up once you got to a certain stage?

It was really very simple but extraordinarily complicated and difficult to get there at the same time.

She ate.
She weighed enough.
She became interested in her life and relationships again.

Not to dishearten you but It took years. A step forward, a step backward, two steps forward, 4 steps backward. Vigilance on my part. Trying my best to keep her weight restored. Sometimes she lost weight. It wasn't a straight line. Urging her to stay the course and stay in treatment. Feeding Feeding Feeding. 

Your daughter is at too low a weight right now and she can't get better until she gains. And gaining will be torture for her. The only way out of this is through. The sooner she gets the weight back on the better for her recovery. I know it is the most frustrating thing in the world as a parent to watch this and feel like you can't get the weight back on but take a deep breath and feed one meal at a time. It doesn't matter if she wants to get better. What matters is that the food goes in. One day at a time.

I hope that tomorrow will be better for her, and you.

warmly,

Kali



 

Food=Love
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Torie
It is so hard.  I remember those terrible days of knowing that requiring full nutrition was akin to torture while also knowing that the only way out was to soldier on through the pain and darkness.  Try to project confidence, whether you feel confident or not.  That will help her, although it is difficult or impossible to see if anything is helping when the leg of the journey is so hard.  "Fake it til you make it."

A few days ago, you said, "I was thinking of adding another fortisip at breakfast maybe."  It is always fine and good to add more fortisip.  Nutritionally, there is no such thing as too much of that.

Please remember that we are with you in spirit as you make your way through the day (hour, minute).  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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MKR
Good that you are taking turns calming her down/ distracting. You get to each have a break to focus on getting the food ready + you are a united front against ED. I would say Family: 2, ED: 0 in this case!
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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joanne34
Thank you everyone. The last two days have been calm after such a distressing weekend, we've even had some smiles.  This gives us a bit of time to regroup/re-energise etc ready for the next episode. 
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MKR
OK, Family: 3, ED: 0 then!

Please mark your calendar. There ara many more smiles to come 😀.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Torie
Yay for smiles!  Thanks for letting us know. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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sandie
Good to have a chance to rest and breathe. Xx
Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
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ValentinaGermania
Smiles are definitivly a sign for recovery!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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EASL

Joanne, when my daughter was turning the corner the distress was at its highest. If you can, try to write down exactly what happened before during and after the episode so you can identify what is upsetting her  


if it is primarily about the meal - maybe see it as her only means of quieting the AN by showing it she’s trying to resist eating. Compassion for her distress and continue feeding. 


the no showering/scratching her arms/shutting down - it is HORRIBLE for you, I was there and I feel really sorry that you’re faced with that. However, these too could be signs that she’s tired of fighting AN, overwhelmed by her emotions but has no outlet or ability to communicate what she’s feeling. For us, it was feeding and quiet. Some ‘guidelines’ we followed, no one talked about food - we just ate and discussed other things, if my D was struggling we encouraged but did not make her join in the conversation, we invited her friends around and/or took them places - to continually reinforce that there were people who wanted to be with her and caused her to try to be like other teens - eg wash. When the twitching/harming happens - take a step back and just be quiet. You’re still there but you’re giving her time to relax. Our D used the word annoying a lot - and was mean to me. Now I think that was the only way she could work through all the tough/terrible feelings and voices. 

keep feeding. More butter, more cream, omelettes instead of weetabix, egg fried rice for dinner, pesto- you can use1/2 a jar for one serving esp on tortellini. 

keep feeding. You can do it. 

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joanne34
I'm adding where I can.   She doesn't like omelettes unfortunately and I'm just happy I can get breakfast into her.  The egg fried rice and the pesto are good ideas which I'll definitely take on board.   I have been making a 'mexican' rice dish each week which is quite rich after various additions.   The calm is clearing and I think she is building up to another fall out, a contributing factor is probably that she is at CAMHs tomorrow so will be weighed etc.   Her mood has definitely dropped tonight and she is definitely more anxious. She has told me she feels trapped etc etc.   
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EASL

Good luck at CAMHS. Go for the blind weighing. If you know what you’ve been feeding her and if she’s eaten it in front of you then you and your team need to discuss what’s happening to prevent weight loss. 


If you can sense a storm brewing do your best to be neutral - strong in your belief she will get better, understanding that today is just one day in her life - it’s difficult but try to pretend it’s not too important, let her know you’re still committed to good health and that you love her. 


if weight is down - why? Does she need more food? To reduce activities? I know my daughter used to say she felt more like a failure when her weight went down so she hid weights in her clothing to try and keep me from being disappointed. 

Good luck. Be the Dolphin. It’s just one day and you keep trying. Let us know how you are after the appointment. 

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