F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019
Me again! You are such lovely, smart and amazing people!!

So today we went to lunch together (no program today) and before lunch she said "I'm so hungry can we go eat?". Well OF COURSE we can!! Music to my ears. 

Anyway I picked most of the meal for her with her input. It was a hefty meal with a cookie and fruit roll up at completion. There was no need for prompting, she finished before me! It was like my old girl!! We got home from lunch and she went to fridge and I asked if she was still hungry. She said yes I kind of want more sweets but then she said no never mind I'm okay. 

What should I be doing when I can see she wants more food (it really was a big lunch at least 1300 calories)? Should I let her decide? Or should I be taking the FBT stance and picking more food for her? I think at these moments she is still restricting over guilt about too much food... she wanted more sweets but resisted and I let it go based on her large lunch already consumed. She does need WR of about 15 lbs yet so she certainly CAN eat all she wants...just wanted sure to push more on her when I think she wanted it or to let it go..any thoughts?
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Enn
So I say feed her more and when she wants it. Then if you see she needs more in the day increase the meals and snacks to accommodate. As she still needs more weight and is asking for more, do it.
You can help her assuage her guilt by saying that it is normal to want sweets and more food. That helped my d. 
There is always a seesaw in my head with ED. You try one thing and see how it goes and if you need to go ‘up’ when ‘down’ you can do that too. 
All is fair and in flux with ED.
i think her wanting more sweets is wonderful. When she said ‘never mind’ I wonder if that was EDs voice but your d’s voice really wanted more. Ed speaks in riddles. Learning the language for the Ed in your home comes with experience and time. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Barberton
Tabitha Farrar talks about this really well (look at her YouTube and Podcasts). She explains that in recovery they can get really, really hungry and that it is super important to help them listen to that hunger. When your d opened the fridge and then closed it again it was probably because the ED was telling her that she already ate a big lunch AND that she couldn't decided what to eat, so gave in to restriction rather than listening to her hunger. So, if I was in that situation (and boy do I wish I was!) I would probably say, "Let me get you something to eat. You sit down and (fill in with some distracting activity like picking out a song or looking for a dress on line)." Then I would get a reasonable snack and cut it into small portions so that she wasn't overwhelmed and could pick off small chunks, but hopefully eat the whole thing.
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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Scaredmom2019
Great ideas!! I know what to do next time. She often goes in kitchen and looks around without taking anything. In fact, this is what really clued me in to ED. I could see she was hungry and "chosing" not to eat. 

Thank you!!
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EASL
Barberton's advice is really great! 

Scaredmom2019 your daughter is showing important signs of recovery - I found/find this stage so tricky because we are 'gun-shy' of comments around hunger and our D's don't want or can't say they are still hungry. My D has an ENORMOUS sweet tooth and I pretty much let this go unmonitored - she supplements what I feed her with cookies and chocolate - sometimes she tells me and sometimes she doesn't. We still do 3 meals and a snack each day and she adds to that. I think it might be helpful to make sure you've got fresh fruit out - on the counter - at all times. In addition, I purchased some clear canisters into which I put things like yogurt covered raisins, dried mango and apricots and snacks like Japanese rice crackers - these too are sitting out on the counter - right above the glasses so its easy to grab a handful whenever. If you daughter takes one - join her. My waistline has grown but its all worth it. I think helping her give in to the hunger is your job now - and the only way to do that is to make it really easy - over time it won't have to be so easy. 

Hey - GREAT JOB getting to this point!
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