F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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AndyM Show full post »
Enn
And I'm also so happy your D told you what she did. She didn't want to die but needed away from her pain. 

About the Eureka moment -- when someone has suicide on their mind, or worse has a plan, there CAN be that very happy period of time as they've decided what they are going to do and with that comes relief and they are able to "enjoy" things for a bit. . 


I really think what you highlighted here is extremely important. 
Once they have a plan they really seem to be happier. 
i am so glad she is safe .
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Kiwimum03
Hey Andy

I accidentally came across your post just now when looking at the FEAST update on my email. My daughter and yours caught up with each other 2 weeks ago when I brought my daughter out to visit. My heart breaks to see what you and your lovely wife are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I hope that Polly can bring a break through with your daughter as you are all amazing people. If there is anything we can do please call me - Sandi
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Kiwimum03
Hi Andy

Me again. I reiterate what the other parents have said; you guys are fantastic parents. I can say that as I know you a little and have been to your home 🙂
It is no reflection on yourselves or your parenting.

You have a very tough time. grab all the supports on offer (I know that you are doing this already) but there must be something out there that can make a difference. Or perhaps it needs to come from within your D. Which is a lot harder . For my D she decided way before she became ill that she wanted to go on the Spirit of NZ sailing ship - a 10 day voyage! ATM it seems so far off that she could manage her food for 10 days without relapsing. But that's her goal. So she has a lot of smaller goals before she can reach this huge goal. like managing one snack, then one meal then a sleepover, then a weekend etc etc

Also I think having supportive friends has made a big difference for my D. So we are lucky there. But there must be something there that will help your D look at the longer term and want to get well. So hard  to see it when she's this unwell. My thoughts are much with you at this time. Big hugs to you both
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greekdude
AndyM wrote:
Hi, thanks to all for the information and advice. Unfortunately, my D took an overdose of paracetamol on Thursday (30 tablets , 15grams) . Luckily she told us and we managed to get her to hospital and she's recovering. She said it was because she couldn't cope with the eating, she wants to eat but went on a binge and felt bad. Ironically she's eating 'normally' in hospital. So this is the new hell I guess :-( 

She said she'll OD again if she gets a chance, so if she comes out of hospital we'll have to monitor her 24/7 whilst we get help. I just don't understand, she has a good  life and a good family. We've always spent a lot of time with both our children and they've wanted for nothing. True, she's always been a bit odd and had difficulty maintaining friendships, but we thought she'd grow out of it. 

I just want to give up, I'm emotionally drained and don't know how to fix it. 



You are the best Dad. Keep the fight. You will win. Most of the kids I hear have had those ED-"signature" characters. We all share this in common.
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AndyM
Thank you all for your advice and kindness. Our D is now in a new 'respite' unit in Lower Hutt. It's a new week, hopefully it will be better this week than last. We found a suicide note over the weekend and so we need to assimilate that. They may be more and as  deenal responded - they may be the best insight. 

Thank you and my heart and prayers go out to all who are struggling too. 
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AndyM
Kiwimum03 wrote:
Hey Andy

I accidentally came across your post just now when looking at the FEAST update on my email. My daughter and yours caught up with each other 2 weeks ago when I brought my daughter out to visit. My heart breaks to see what you and your lovely wife are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I hope that Polly can bring a break through with your daughter as you are all amazing people. If there is anything we can do please call me - Sandi


Thanks! Good to hear from you. Our D and yours were in touch before the OD attempt and I thought that maybe things had turned around as they we're both supportive of each other. We got hit by the floods this weekend and couldn't get over to Petone to see our D, but we'll see her today and see what the plan is for transitioning her home. 
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Foodsupport_AUS
AndyM, I hope the respite unit means they are keeping her safe. This is such a terrible illness, and suicidal thoughts and behaviours  unfortunately are far too common. Thinking of you as hopefully things steady.  
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Torie
How is it going, Andy?  Thinking of you. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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AndyM
Hi, not sure where we are at. Our D is safe in respite, we've got a CREDs meeting today with our D and the main players in the situation. It's been a blessing having her in respite , as it's give my wife and I sometime to re-connect and re-charge (I guess, respite is for us!)  Hopefully our D will be able to come home today, though I'm no longer sure what I need to do anymore. The anorexia I felt I could do something about as it's about persuading her to eat , now short of keeping her on a baby harness again I'm not sure what I need to do!! But I still want her home. 
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deenl
Hi Andy,

I can imagine how much you want her home, it is hard to have them out of our sight when they are in a difficult emotional state. It goes totally against our parental instincts.

I hope the meeting goes well with kind professionals who are experienced and have a good plan that you can get behind. Whether thats at home or not, I hope the plans include lots of precautions to keep your daughter safe and taking steps towards recovery.

Thinking of you,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Torie
Thanks for the update.  I know what you mean when you write: "The anorexia I felt I could do something about as it's about persuading her to eat."  That is the one good thing about AN - we know what we need to do.  It is so very hard when we do not have that type of goalpost to aim for.

I hope you are able to take a little comfort in knowing that most times we are able to pull them back from the brink.  I am ashamed to say that my non-ED D needed to comfort ME during a particularly tense time.  She said, "Mom, there are a lot of troubled kids here, but there has not been even one actual suicide in our school.  Surely ED-D will not be the first."  I hope you are able to find a similar sentiment that can bring you a bit of comfort.

Hang in there.  Please remember that we're with you in spirit. xx

-Torie

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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AndyM
Hello All, 

I just wanted to share some info that I've found during this particular episode that may help others. My D said that she had been planning on suicide for a couple of weeks , and that was why she had started to eat 'all the things she missed' because it didn't matter if she put on weight as it would all be over soon. 

At the moment she's eating 'normally', no restriction, no binging, and seems to be be engaging. She's been in respite care for the last couple of weeks (for those from NZ: not sure what its called , but its a residential house over in Sea View , Lower Hutt) and we hope she can come home after our CREDS meeting on Thursday. I don't think for a minute that this is over but we've got two weeks over Christmas where we can spend as a family and I'm looking forward to that.

I hope you all have a calm, peaceful, incident free Christmas. 

Thank you all for your support, feedback and suggestions. 

Andy 
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Scaredmom2019
I'm so sorry Andy. I'm also so hopeful you will have some peace and normalcy over the two weeks and moving forward. 

Hindsight tends to be 20/20. It is "easy" to see the "signs" looking back, but we ED parents are frazzled at best. I hard know minute by the minute what is happening next. Your dear D is lucky to have you. Take good care. 
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