F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Red
I moved these posts from another thread to give Ocean'sd a thread of her own. How can we help you?
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
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oceansdaughter

To Cynthia and all who are here:
I'm scared out of my mind.  My D just shared with me last night just how bad her bingeing and vomiting are.  3 to 4 times a day.  She is so thin, 5'7", 103 pounds.  She cries over a break-up with her first boyfriend and sobs about being fat.  I can feel all her bones when I hug her.  She does not use her fingers, she just is able to vomit at will.  She is so sad, I don't know where to begin to help her.  She snaps at everything I tried to talk to her about.  I am scared for both of us. 

oceansdaughter
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perdido
Oceansdaughter,
Welcome to the forum! We are a wonderful place to strength and support. How can we help you?
Slow and steady
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YogurtParfait_US
Oceansdaughter,

This is such a scary set of disorders. We can't diagnose your daughter here, but clearly she needs help. May I paste my resource list here for you?

What have you begun in terms of treatment? What area do you live in? Folks here may be able to recommend where to take your daughter to get a good start toward recovery. There is hope. (If you want to keep your privacy, you can also check with local connections and contact members in your area, or just mention a general region).

Welcome--this is a good place to get help.

YP

VIDEOS:

Eating Disorders: What Parents & Pediatricians Should Know

Rebecca Peebles, MD. Lecture to Maudsley Parents Conference, 2012.

This is an excellent video, oriented more toward pediatricians than parents, but also useful for parents

Spotting the Tiger

Kartini Foundation

Excellent video produced to train pediatricians and general practitioners: Excellent video (3 parts)

Eating Disorders Meal Support: Helpful Approaches for Families

Vancouver BC, Kelty Mental Health

This is a well-produced and helpful introduction to the nuts and bolts of the parenting skills involved in helping an adolescent with AN to  eat. (one caveat: Depending on where the child is in recovery, involving them in meal planning as presented in the video may or may not be effective).

BOOKS

Give Food a Chance,  by Julia O’Toole, MD

Excellent book. For parents, but written from a strongly medical perspective (she started it as a book for pediatricians, but re-write for a mixed audience of parents and physicians)

Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder, by James Lock MD PhD and Daniel Le Grange PhD

Best evidence-based method of treating Anorexia Nervosa, made accessible to parents. Excellent resource for practitioners guiding parents in how to feed their children suffering from AN.

Brave Girl Eating, by Harriet Brown

Written by a journalist/mother, and their battle to help their daughter with anorexia, the book blends up-to-date research with a compelling family story, and provides an excellent example of how parents can help their child overcome an eating disorder.

Treatment Manual for Anorexia Nervosa, Second Edition: A Family-Based Approach, by

James Lock MD PhD and Daniel Le Grange PhD 

This manual is designed for practitioners doing Family-Based Treatment.

Decoding Anorexia, by Carrie Arnold

Excellent new book on AN by a science writer who blends her own medical history with reviews of research results and interviews with researchers and practitioners who are on the cutting edge of treating eating disorders.

 

SUPPORT GROUPS FOR PARENTS      

Around the Dinner Table online forum (ATDT)

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/

This group is what helped me to hit the ground running and get started fast in helping my daughter to eat. This is where I learned “Magic Plate” and how to feed a child who has anorexia, in the weeks I waited for appointments. They are an amazing group of knowledgeable and supportive parents. Parents, caregivers, and practitioners are welcome on the forum. All messages are available to the public for view, so this is a great place for lurkers also, if parents don’t want to join or post. See Local connections link to find face-to-face meeting opportunities in various areas.

 

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED PROGRAM TO KICK-START TREATMENT AT HOME

UCSD

One-week intensive treatment (for patients) and training (for parents) in FBT for families and patients

http://eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu/patient/ift.shtml

 

 

 

 

"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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Ladybugs_Journey_CAN
Ocean, your story is much the same as mine six weeks ago. The people on this forum are so helpful. Just start asking questions.
- three teens and hubby all with special needs; blended family - D18 is Ladybug; fed at home for three months, then inpatient far away for three months. We lost nine family members in that same year including her step-mom,both grandfathers,four uncles - She now insists on living on own - family falling apart.
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alwaysvigilantCAN
Welcome oceans daughter. You said you don't know where to start-best thing to do is to read and educate yourself as much as possible. See the FEAST-ed.org facts section.  Second thing is to develop a plan-do you have a medical team that is overseeing your D? Third thing is to get 3 meals and 3 snacks into your D, close all loopholes like purging, compulsive exercising, self harm. For purging make sure your D is supervised after meals. Many of us have slept with our kids to prevent nighttime exercising and to keep them safe.
Sounds exhausting, and it is. You are your Ds best chance at recovery. We have all felt like you, so ask lots of questions and tell us your story. 
5 years in active recovery; With many, many days of full nutrition and closed loopholes, insight, life experiences and brain maturity we are slowly loosening the safety net
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perdido
My d also had purging. It is scary and we didn't know it at first. Once we did we out purge prevention measures in force. We did not let her use the bathroom for one hour after meals. We had her use the bathroom before meals and used lots if distraction and car rides post meals. You know no bathroom in the car! Hugs and strength and welcome. Please ask lots of questions. Hugs and strength!
Slow and steady
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alwaysvigilantCAN
Oceansdaughter sent me an email backchannel as she was having trouble posting on the forum. She wanted me to post this for her:

I am not sure how to navigate this forum, but I suppose I will figure it out soon.  I am reading a lot about ED and my D told me she was glad.  I am finding myself questioning her every move and I am making her mad off and on all day, but this is day #1 of our battle.


My D and I live in our apartment alone; I am a single mother. I also have a 20-year-old D who lives away from us.  She is pregnant and I am not fond of the father, but try my best to live and let live regarding my granddaughter-to-be.  I look forward to being a Nana but have mixed feelings.

My D and I often sleep together. Our apartment is a one-bedroom.  I converted the dining room space to a small bedroom for her and she loved decorating it.  She has agreed to sleep with me, and while I am asleep, I realize I have no control over what she does.  It is very hard, finding food missing in huge quantities and smelling the bathroom in the morning.

Today, we made a 'pact' to let each other know the full truth when we 'slip,' - her with food and me with hypervigilance.  I also binge eat, but do not vomit. I am only very slightly overweight.

When the New year's holiday is over, I am going to call my D's pediatrician and find a counselor or therapist; someone who can help her and me with this horrific disorder.

Thank you and everyone for your immediate supportive comments and good best thoughts.  I am not sure who will be able to read this email, but if you wish, I would not mind if you paste it into the forum.

When I have time, I will watch the videos that I found links for.

God bless us, every one!
5 years in active recovery; With many, many days of full nutrition and closed loopholes, insight, life experiences and brain maturity we are slowly loosening the safety net
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oceansdaughter
Red wrote:
I moved these posts from another thread to give Ocean'sd a thread of her own. How can we help you?


Hi Red,
Thank you so much for posting my email.  I'm still digging in deep with all the information and videos regarding ED.  My D searched on Google for books on bingeing and purging and found a few to choose from.  It seems like she wants to get well.  I hid the scale and she said she thought that was a good idea.  I am avoiding overeating myself; I'd say my ED is a complex one.  Now that I am on 'high alert' and extremely anxious and down, I can't stand the thought of eating.  So now I must force myself to eat, along with trying to stay strong and be here for my D.  Talk about exhausting! 

My D did find a workbook for ED.  I looked at it on Amazon and read through the sample pages.  It seems very detailed and requires a lot of homework.  I wonder if you all think it is okay for her to try this.  We are both already SO tired of food being the topic of our conversation 99% of the time since she came out with the disorder to me.

I hope I did this okay. 

Happy new year to everyone, and a healthy one too. 

oceansdaughter
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Colleen
What's the name of the book, Oceansdaughter?
Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
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oceansdaughter
Hi Colleen, here is the name of the book that my D is interested in ordering:

The Overcoming Bulimia Workbook: Your Comprehensive Step-By-step Guide To Recovery (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) [Paperback]
Randi E. McCabe, PhD (Author), Tracy L. McFarlane, PhD (Author), Marion P. Olmsted, PhD (Author)
If anyone has an opinion on this book, I'd be glad to hear/read it. I am going to call my D's pediatrician for an appointment and referral (hopefully as soon as possible) to an ED counselor.
The worst part of this problem for me is that I am now 100% focused on food all day long; it's almost like I am afraid of it - - my own food issues have been triggered and I feel terrible anxiety about trying to be positive and loving and helpful and not too hovering. I need to speak to my own counselor, I realize. Thanks to everyone here for their posts and replies.
Blessings to everyone

 

oceansdaughter
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YogurtParfait_US
Hang in there--there are other moms recovering from ED on this forum, too--Sinkorswim is one who has mentioned that here. I am not in your boat, but I understand that handling your own health and eating an appropriate diet is the most important step in allowing you to be effective in helping your own daughter.

The genetics of ED are pretty clear on this forum--there is a poll about that, and it would be great if everyone participated. The poll asks if there is a history of AN or ED in your family.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/Is-there-a-history-of-ANED-in-your-family-5954489

This is rough even without any others in the household with AN (we adopted our daughter), so my heart goes out to you and I am rooting for you 100%.

YP
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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Colleen
Hi Oceansdaughter,

I had a look through the pages that Amazon would let me see.

My take (and this is only my opinion) is that I don't have an eating disorder and I find it triggering!

It describes a binge as "eating with a feeling of loss of control"--that they can't stop eating no matter what.  Eating a large amount without the loss of control is just overeating.  I kinda agree with that definition.

If you agree with the definition, then how can a workbook help you control something that you can't control?

I don't know if it's a helpful book or not, and if you as a person with disordered eating find it helpful, who am I to judge?  BUT when I read through it, there a lot of what we call "Old School" thinking in there--that the sufferer has to want to get better, that the ED serves a function for the sufferer, that pointing out all the consequences will motivate the sufferer to change, etc.  It doesn't sound very up-to-date on what we know now about EDs and the brain.  It makes me wonder if charting moods and eating habits is helpful in changing behavior (my gut says no).  People with BN tend to be more impulsive, so disciplining oneself to chart emotions seems like an unlikely habit to develop.  If the ED is AN, the idea of charting would take on a life of its own in its own OCD way, I'll bet.  Either way--not headed toward recovery.  That's just how it looks to me.

When you say that you feel 100% focused on food right now, I wonder how this workbook will help with that?  It seems like it would make it worse (can you be 120% focused on food?).

What seems to be helpful in treating EDs--and this is the basis for FBT--is to have the behaviors interrupted from the outside.  That the AN sufferer is required to eat and gain weight.  That regular meals are substituted for binges for the BN sufferer, and purging is prevented.

You have a counselor--has she been helpful?  Will she treat your d?  Can you both work together on normalized nutrition?

I'm very sorry you are having such troubles.  I do hate EDs!!
Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
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PinkMomUSA
Hello Oceans daughter,

You have found the best site to read and ask questions. My d just turned 16 and is 5'7". I have also been scared and cried a lot. My story is under, Living a Parents worst Nightmare.

I searched on Amazon.com and found these books to be very helpful:
HELP YOU TEENAGER BEAT AN EATING DISORDER
THE PARENT'S GUIDE TO EATING DISORDERS

This has been one of the hardest things to deal with because no matter what is going on in your life the illness does not rest. One piece of advice that is on this site a lot is that food is medicine and treatment center UCSD.

My child does not purge so I don't know how that feels as a parent to here your child tell you that.  Be sure to look at the info YP has pasted in her response. Research. I think there are some feeds about treatment options.

Best of luck. We are all here for you.








PinkMom
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