F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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my daughter is weight restored and has started menstruating again after 7 months. She has had terrible outbursts and claims I am letting her binge eat.  She is always hungry and I am having a hard time saying no to foods but the anger and outbursts are terrible.   I feel like our family is being torn apart.  My husband cannot cope and doesn't know how to support her.My son who has his own anxiety issues struggles terribly with these moments.  Im so grateful she is healthy but so exhausted from the last 8 months of turmoil.  Just looking for support and insight into any similar experiences.  
Dear Sand

Extreme hunger is common while on the journey to recovery. The body is craving the energy, protein and micronutrients that are needed to repair the damage done during restriction. Here is a thread with many helpful links. I would suggest that when you understand it yourself that you will be able to calmly respond and reassure your daughter.

It is also common for emotional and mental health to take a backwards step in the last phase of recovery. A last hurray by the ED. Perhaps this is what your daughter is experiencing. IrishUp has a fabulous post on the issue.

If your daughter is experiencing both of these issues it is understandable that she is emotionally dysregulated. I can only suggest the usual coping mechanisms; distraction, patience, distress tolerance skills and faith that food and time will see some improvement.

Wishing you continued stength and courage,

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
You posted on another thread a month ago that D was eating less during the day and more at night. Have you managed to resolve this and she is still genuinely binging, or is it more that she is frightened by her ED still about gaining to much and fearful of her hunger?

It is indeed really common for people to have extreme hunger in recovery. Many patients who have recovered recommend going with it, even though it is scary, and after a while the urge to eat settles down. It is common of course to be fearful of this. 
I would work with something along the lines of - that she is responding to her body's hunger cues and help her to keep these even through the day. I would really try to steer away from reassurance that you won't let her gain too much, it implies there is too much to gain. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
sdeaves wrote:
  I feel like our family is being torn apart.  My husband cannot cope and doesn't know how to support her.My son who has his own anxiety issues struggles terribly with these moments.  Im so grateful she is healthy but so exhausted from the last 8 months of turmoil.  Just looking for support and insight into any similar experiences.  

I want you to know that many of us have felt that too. It is really hard on the family relationships, all of them. ED really takes a toll on the family.  Does your family see a FBT therapist? If so, would it be helpful for you and H to see them together to help find ways for you and he to support the whole family? Would H see a therapist on his own to discuss his feelings about the upheaval in the home? I am just wondering if they could have some strategies. 
I can say we were where you are now. And I found it took time and I got a therapist and sometimes I just called the FBT therapist to vent. 
I also found that after things settled with D ie WR and eating well etc.. That is when I let go and all those feelings, the yucky ones surfaced. The anxiety and felling lost were overwhelming. I am not sure if that is what you are feeling.
And I can tell you after re-feeding and D getting better our family is changed. There are things none of us take for granted and I know it affected my other two kids, and not in a positive way, either. But we are getting through and I am aware of the other two kids' issues. They and their relationship with ED D is really so much better now. 
I hope your son is getting support. 
Sending warm thoughts to you,
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Here is a link frtom Kartini Clinic on hyper palatable foods.

They recommend restricting foods which could lead to binging. I did that during refeeding and only slowly reintroduced them after she was WR. In my experience, she would not binge on food or treats I made, but rather on store bought food. My children would both binge on fruit or vegetables like apples and celery, so I would also limit those as too many apples or celery could make their stomachs feel uncomfortable .

Sorry about the rages, it's hard living with ED. Have some time away from ED where you and your hubby can have some together time without ED, like a stroll after dinner or just a peaceful moment with a cup of coffee. Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww