F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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sdeaves
well after three months home we are weight restored and was told this week at the clinic to stop the overeating.  so hard to go from encouraging extra calories to stop by daughter when she says she is still hungry.  I felt relieved but still stressful as she worries now she is overeating.  so scared that she will slip back and start restricting again.  no period yet so hope that it returns soon.  such an up and down disease and still so much moodiness with constant reassurance needed from me, so exhausting.  grateful though that she is strong again.
Sand
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Enn

Hi sdeaves, 
You have done a great job!

I have a few questions: 
What do you mean by stopping the "Overeating"? Do you mean to decrease calories?

Is she on her growth curve and still growing? The goal weight, many here (ME TOO!) have found to be too low. We had to go 6 kg above the first WR goal (in a specialist ED clinic that I trust) to get better brain recovery. How long ago did she hit WR and has she gained more? Your D is only 13 and will need to grow more over the next decade.  We are at 14 months past the first WR goal (age 11.9 at diagnosis and now 13.5 years old) and  now12 Kg more than the first Wr and keeping on 62% for weight. I have not stopped the calories. She is still at 3500-4500 per day to maintain this growth. I do not add anything anymore, I have increased volume of food and she can eat everything I give her. But still on a very rigid routine 3 meals and 2-3 snacks per day.

There is a saying here: "state not weight" It is about the brain recovery and getting rid of all ED behaviours, thoughts and rules not just a number. Toothfairy has posted that video and it is very helpful. You started here at the end of July and so you are very early into this, I am afraid. I feel that your worry about restricting again is real and please trust it. She is so young and Kartini clinic would recommend that you continue to feed her until age 17, ie a more normal time for them to learn to feed themselves. You say your D is still hungry ,then I would feed her (as long as not bingeing). Periods are one measure of health and not the only one. If she has not had a period yet.... I would still wonder about getting her weight a lot higher.

She is still moody and needing reassurances, is that about food? If so, I will reiterate that she may need more weight. 
I am so glad you are over that very stressful time of refeeding. Well done! Very glad to hear from you.

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mcmum
Hi, well done. Sounds like you're making excellent progress but if your daughter's period hasn't come back yet I wouldn't view feeding as "over eating", just continued re-feeding. Sure there will be others along with much more experience but I'd give yourself a well deserved pat on the back but continue to push the calories and maintain the vigilance. I think most of our kids think they're over eating at the best of times. Is your d on her original centile track??? Also, moodiness could be adolescence but the whole state not weight perspective is a compelling one. I'm no expert. We're new to this too but just a few thoughts xx
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Mcmum
Hey, scared mum beat me to it! You said it so much better!!
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ValentinaGermania
"was told this week at the clinic to stop the overeating.  so hard to go from encouraging extra calories to stop by daughter when she says she is still hungry.  I felt relieved but still stressful as she worries now she is overeating."

That is the biggest b***shit I have heard in the last weeks. Why should you stop her from eating while she is still hungry?
Do not cut back calories or show her in any way that overeating is possible. Keep on feeding 3 meals 2-3 snacks and do not stop that until periods are back on a regular base and until you see NO ED behaviour any more.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sdeaves
thank you everyone.  it was difficult to hear that I have to tell her that she has had enough nutrition.  her weight this week was over what the clinic had estimated her to recover.  It only took a few weeks of her all of a sudden having a huge appetite and me not knowing if I should stop her from eating.  It is such a difficult thing to go from pushing her to eat to getting her to stop.  six weeks ago she was on edge of being put into day treatment.  I just find her anxiety now the opposite as she thinks shes eating too much.  It so confusing as a parent but I do feel relief that she is weight restored and has energy and her mood is better even though lots of anxiety.  She seems to have this hunger that cannot be filled at times.
Sand
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Enn
There is a very significant positive sign if she actually is hungry. My D at 14 months post WR still does not say she is hungry. I think she is, as she will say "when is dinner?" "mom it is time for my snack etc.. " and that she eats all of the food I plate, but alas, does not ask for seconds. 
I would go for it and you can discuss with the team.

For me, no one told me to stop "extra feeding" and no one told me to feed more at all. I just fed more and then got the affirmation that D was on a good growth curve and is growing and maintaining it.

You do what you need to as you see your D's responses. You live with her, you know her best.
XXX


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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