F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Rayney
Hi We are just in the process of weight restoring my d and she has approximately a stone to go, she lost 33 lbs very quickly, however I have read that we should consider her target weight at 10% higher, what are everyone's views? also she still has a lot of fear foods when is it best to try and introduce one a week is it after she has maintained her correct weight for a few weeks/months? Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated as only 8 weeks in and whilst I have CAMHS early days and did speak to a dietitian early on I feel we did this on our own and its our decision to set a target? (may be wrong, all new).
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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skechers
As far as a target weight, if you have her historically growth charts that would be a great place to start. Before you she was ill (a year or so before) where was her weight percentile? If you have these and can put her back on her normal weight curve that is what many say should be done. Of course, if she is still growing the target always moves until she is fully grown.

As far as fear foods, I began introducing them very early on, about the time she was weight restored. I know there are different approaches to this, but I found that once my d's anxiety was down a bit because of her weight gain (and medication) adding fear foods was not that bad. My view was that ED was telling my d not to eat certain foods and I wanted to battle ED head on by getting my d eating fear foods as soon as possible.
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Iaminspired
Hi Rayney

There are many stories here about target weights being set to low, which can keep our kids sick longer.  I have taken my DD above the hospital set goal, which was a BMI of 19, 45th percentile, even though she was historically higher that that.

The best piece of advice I even heard on the topic of target weights came from Dr. Peebles in answer to a question I posted on this forum - there is no point of keeping a growing teenager at the low end of their target weight.  I agree completely.  Trust your gut and if she still has lots of symptoms, consider going higher.  I do believe a few pounds above hospital set goal is what triggered the beginning of the quieting of the ED voice for my D.

Sorry I can't answer you about fear foods.  We are very blessed that we never had that issue.  But lots here have and they will be along to answer your question soon.

Colleen
Colleen in Ontario

Single Mom to DD#1 (20), Autism Spectrum Disorder (diagnosed at 16 1/2), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder
and DD#2 (17), In solid recovery from Restrictive AN, Managing Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, ASD, finished with IP and FBT, successfully managing school and life

If, at the end of my days, I can say I saved the life of not only my child, but helped to save the life of someone else's child as well, then I have lived a good life.
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trusttheprocessUSA
My son lost 33 lbs so quickly as well. It was a terrifying time. The first key to recovery is accurate weight restoration for your child. It can be confusing to be sure. Your D must eat enough food to restore her starved body, bones, brain, muscles, heart and other organs, fuel her normal life and fuel her growth into a woman. This chart posted by YP

https://mygrowthcharts.com

Find her historical growth and plot it on the chart. It will give you the specifics of where she is tracking. You need to get her back to her individual growth chart weight.

For example my son has always tracked in the 90% for height and 95% for weight. (The chart will give you that number based on age and data.)
When refeeding him we needed to have him regain the 33 lbs he lost AND stay on his growth chart track while I kept feeding him. This chart was so important for me. I would have allowed my son to stay at a lower weight assuming it was "good enough".....he would not be recovered if I had done that.

There area many hormones that turn girls into women and boys into men - these are damaged due to starvation it takes accurate weight restoration and staying there to allow the endocrine system to recover.

I know it is HARD but once there she has the chance to become the woman she is meant to be.
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
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sk8r31
There is really 'no one size fits all' in terms of tackling fear foods.  Some have gone with the bandaid approach...just rip it off, and keep going.

Others have used 'laddering', starting with the fear foods that are 'least fearful' and working up from there.

I can only speak from my own experience, which was to start tackling the fear foods even before our d was at full WR.  My d had a list as long as my arm of foods which were fearful....we managed to whittle it down to a 'Top 10', and then introduced at least 1 per day.

We also had a contract in place, which stated that for each fear food that could be stricken off her list, there would be compensation.  In d's case, it was monetary.  Once all the fear foods were off the list, then she could get an iPad.  Not 'normal parenting' for sure, but then there is nothing normal about battling an ED.  Having a contract was very, very helpful in our d's case.  In order to be successful with contracting though, you need something that is very motivating for your d, and also consequences for not achieving both short term/longer term goals.

For a food to be off the list, meant that it was eaten without fuss anytime it was presented, and at least 5x in a row...

Obviously, however you decide to tackle fear foods, it will depend on your d's personality, probably whether there are co-morbids (anxiety/depression or other things prior to ED), your own comfort level.  Go with your gut.

I'm sure there will be others along shortly with more suggestions.

Best of luck to you!

Warmly,
sk8r31

It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Rayney
Thank you all so much for the advice, it has been horrible to have to deal with this and we have only been at it 8 weeks.  I think I will go with the fact that she was 75th percentile before anorexia and aim for a bit more.  I think I will also talk to her about fear foods and aim to tackle these early as of now, its really useful to use rewards as I am sure my d will respond to this as she really wants to please and this has worked in the past.  At the moment I am feeling a bit weak because everything is going well and need to motivate and gain the courage to tackle fear foods as don't want to rock the boat but know I have too.  Thanks everyone for the support.
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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Rayney
Thanks I feel that our clinician is not advising us about food etc just talking to my d.  However she has just been weighed and lost a pound, I am gutted and feel I had best be firmer and take the reigns again and this time include some fear foods. we go tomorrow to see camhs and I will ask her about this and hopefully be advised. I really appreciate everyone's comments.
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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Torie
Hi Rayney - Sorry the news was not what we like to hear, but as someone recently reminded me, it's feedback, not failure.  Have you read any of the threads about packing as much nutrition (and especially fats) into the smallest possible footprint?  There's a lot of great information about that on this site.  Otherwise it is be really difficult to get enough in them.  Also, are you monitoring bathroom use for an hour after meals?  I tell my d to use the bathroom before the meal so she won't need to use the facilities after.

Hang in there - you can do this!!

Hugs
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Rayney
Hi Torie,
To be honest I have been trying to work with her such as she knows she has to have a set amount of calories but because she only wants to eat healthy snacks, I have been working with this, I do her meals (but I am still avoiding some fear foods i.e burgers etc) and her snacks are made up of yogurts, raisins and flapjack (not the diet ones) but she just knows she has to eat more. However I think I may be feeding into her fears this way and that I may need to push her more.  Thanks for the advice and i will keep at it.x
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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Torie
For example, you can use full fat yogurt and stir in canola oil - hard to believe but lots of foods can magically make canola oil disappear - just pour into household dish and stir vigorously.  Also, many here avoid any discussion of calories with out ed-kids.

Your job is to plan meals, shop, prepare.  Her only job it to eat. it. all.
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Rayney
Hi Torie,
Thanks I have spoken to my husband and agree with you too much discussion and negotiation has been going on in our house, I will speak to camhs tomorrow and will just take a firm approach again.  Really appreciate the input.x
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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