F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019
Juat taking a moment to vent. 17 RAN D. Shes home on weekends from treatment and they are the worst. Literally choking down bites. Spitting them out or will puke etc etc.
My days are filled with dread and gloom. I'm on my own so no respite. Sunday's are the worst. Today I threw a wineglass across the room as I had lost it over waiting and waiting for her to eat. I failed today. In honesty I wanted to throw 15 wineglasses so maybe I did well - I only threw one. I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. 
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Mamaroo
I know exactly how you're feeling, while my d was in school during the week, we had some respite, but we just dreaded weekends or school holidays. My d would cry and cry the whole time.

It's sadly part of the process and I promise you, it will get better. You did not fail, here we have a saying "feedback, not failure". My d also took so long to eat. Our treatment team suggested we give her 15-20 minutes and if she hasn't started, she got bed rest and we would try again in 15 minutes. Ask her to take just one bite to get started, sometimes the first bite is the hardest. You can also tell her that all spitted food would be replaced double. Can you ask your treatment team what they do with not eating or spitted? If you can repeat what they're doing, it would help.

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Torie
Awww, this vile illness is the worst!

I have a suggestion for you, though, about the 14 wine glasses you did not break (yet).  You could put one wine glass in a pillow case, take it outside, and smash it on the driveway.  Over and over.  And all the mess stays in the pilllow case.  (Voice of experience, that.)

Hang in there! xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Enn
I found weekends tough too. There was no structure and everyone was in everyone’s way. 
How about planning a short outing? Pottery painting? Walking the mall window shopping? Museum, art gallery ,movies? Go to a  bath and beauty store? Get some bath bombs and make her a bath or make yourself one? 
The upset is real. 
It is still just one month I think since she started with treatment. It takes awhile until you find your sea legs. No not failure, just EDucation. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Stella
I remember one evening sitting at least 3 h with S in front of a small glass of juice.
This day he had finished all meals ok but tried to spit out a very small bit of food during our small walk after dinner. We had the rule "if he spits out anything he has to compensate with at least a small glass of juice" so there we were, sitting, he tired and fighting with ED and me longing for any other place than the kitchen. After some time I started to read on my mobile because I couldn't stand it any longer. Simply ignored him, unlessed he tried to get up or tried to sleep on the table which I interfered. Felt very, very mean this evening, but after 3h he finally drank, I think it was short to midnight.
Afterwards he asked me several times "would you really have made me sit even longer?" and he needed to hear "Yes, sure." Then indeed he smiled. Never after had to sit that long again (yet, hopefully).

@Torie: I love the glass in the pillow case thing. Will surely remember...
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Scaredmom2019
Love the smashing wine glass idea!!
Ive never intentionally broke anything so my rage last night was bad. Really upset the D. Shes screaming: I dont want to be here! And I screamed back: I dont either! 
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ValentinaGermania
Stella wrote:
I remember one evening sitting at least 3 h with S in front of a small glass of juice.
This day he had finished all meals ok but tried to spit out a very small bit of food during our small walk after dinner. We had the rule "if he spits out anything he has to compensate with at least a small glass of juice" so there we were, sitting, he tired and fighting with ED and me longing for any other place than the kitchen. After some time I started to read on my mobile because I couldn't stand it any longer. Simply ignored him, unlessed he tried to get up or tried to sleep on the table which I interfered. Felt very, very mean this evening, but after 3h he finally drank, I think it was short to midnight.
Afterwards he asked me several times "would you really have made me sit even longer?" and he needed to hear "Yes, sure." Then indeed he smiled. Never after had to sit that long again (yet, hopefully).

@Torie: I love the glass in the pillow case thing. Will surely remember...
 

We had exactly the same thing here! With more meals and a whole day at the table but we stayed strict until 4 a.m. and woke her up for breakfast at 8 a.m. the next morning and she NEVER did that again! You are doing great!!!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
Juat taking a moment to vent. 17 RAN D. Shes home on weekends from treatment and they are the worst. Literally choking down bites. Spitting them out or will puke etc etc.
My days are filled with dread and gloom. I'm on my own so no respite. Sunday's are the worst. Today I threw a wineglass across the room as I had lost it over waiting and waiting for her to eat. I failed today. In honesty I wanted to throw 15 wineglasses so maybe I did well - I only threw one. I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. 


Weekends are hard. Try to have as much structure and distraction as possible. Are you eating on front of TV? It helped my d to watch funny shows like 2 and a half men to learn to finish within one episode.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
You are not alone!  Weekends are probably seen by the ED as an opportunity to undo the weight gain during the week. 

I also think that deep down your daughter is looking forward to seeing you at the weekend because she loves you and misses you. So try to make the time as enjoyable as possible to show the ED there is love and it cannot hijack your daughter. It sounds hard I know, if the child also calls you names etc. I would say, "Yes, I  have heard your insults but you now need to finish what's on your plate so we can watch this movie you might like/ go for a ride to this pretty place etc".

Boundaries like "Whatever you spit/ drop on the ground/ hide in the napkin etc will be replaced by double" is a good way.  You have the opportunity to stock up on extra meals during the week. I wish I had time to myself to do that because my D was at home, at school and I was at work during the day.

Another thing I noticed: she woul do well, but struggle over the last mouthful. It's like ED demanded she leave something out, like a tax.  So I'd try to encourage her first with "You are nearly there, it's easy, easier to finish that than me dishing you more."

For me, the first 30 minutes after the meal were the most violent. D's tantrum would build like a volcano, yes there were things thrown (by her) and regretted words said (by me). But the food stayed down. 

With every pound of weight, the moods improved, tantrums were shorter and further apart.  Unbelievable! Just the food.

Keep up the good work! Remember your child would always rather be with you than at the clinic ❤❤.

All the best, 

N



Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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