F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Posts: 997
Reply with quote  #51 
Hi kt_uk
A very warm welcome!
I am sorry you need to find yourself here. 
I have  very young D 12yo. I do know it is hard, no matter what. 
Can you tell us more about your situation.
1) where are you located?
2) what treatments have you had to date?
3) What was the journey up to now?
4) Are you doing magic plate- you prepare the meal and her job is only to eat
5) do you  have supports (a  ED specialist team)

Firstly for the violence that should NOT be tolerated in the home. You deserve to be safe in your home. Are there family members to help you? Siblings ?  Have you told her that you may need to call emergency services if you feel the family is unsafe? Some have called the police liaison to tell them what is going on in the home so that if called, a mental health team member may need to come out to talk to your D about the violence. My older nonED D had some issues with violence and I had to call the police and then she knew that when I said I would call that  I would follow through. 
Is there a "safe place" in the home for you and her when she gets violent?  I do know of one FEAST member that had a room that had pillows, and soft things to calm the child down. 
Is she over exercising? That has to stop. We had issues with too much standing and it is hard to stop. Some have had to sleep with their child to stop them from exercising at night. Does she need  stay home if going to school so you can supervise her meals and activities? Some have had to take their child out of school. I had to talk to the school and she was pulled out of gym class and given other projects to do.   Are there incentives for her to eat or can you tell her that she may have her phone, Netflix, other "currency" only AFTER she eats? 
4 months of being badly attacked bitten and slapped round the head 
  This has to stop. Do you have help?

Please let us know how we can help.
We are here, there is real support and great advice here. Please ask all the questions you have.


Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)

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Lead Moderator
Posts: 3,955
Reply with quote  #52 
KT_UK welcome to the forum. Sorry that you have had to find your way here. 

You are right to be concerned about what has happened with your D. Are you getting any help at all at the moment? It is important to set boundaries around your health and safety. Violence is not to be tolerated in any form, but it also important that you are not intimidated into backing down against her ED because of it. There have been a number of parents who has spoken to the police as well as to their child about this. If she is physically abusive, destroying things - call the police. It may be worth pointing out to her that this is your intent if she is violent again. She is capable of controlling the violence, it is nearly always reserved for close family members. Yes she is ill so there is mitigation but you are not a punching bag. 
If you do have support talk to them about your concerns about violence because they may well have some other options for you for treatment. 

D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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