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kazi67

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Reply with quote  #26 
Hey Tina
Mongrel can mean unpleasant despicable person, I think I’ve seen you use the word “barstard” before it’s the same as that
We took her home from hospital after 7 hours and I kid you not we only received the 1 cup of orange juice [frown] but was advised to take her into A&E if she was refusing food plus because of her headache and feeling so ill thought it may be refeeding syndrome, Doc cleared that
Doctor just looked at her and said “so what’s happening with you today” and stared when my d said I feel sick
I guess they were discussing with their team what to do but just left to sit there for hours feeling like no one really knows or cares (apart for checking vitals)
Today is better at our house :)
Your d came out of IP last Easter mine is going in, hope we are doing as well this time next year as you seem to be :)
Clem
I agree you can do the feeding without specialists etc but my d can’t get the weight on she lost it all plus more on this relapse but it’s so hard because this time round she seems so sound mentally (well probably ed talk??)
But she is trying to normalise 46kg
Let’s go to the shops, let’s do this let’s do that I’m like no you may faint
Ed tries to trick me coz she seems so “normal” till you look at the physical state of her body
Where was this in the baby books, I don’t remember sighning up for this gig
x
clem

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Reply with quote  #27 
Kazi67,

Glad you are out of the hospital, they sound as useful as chocolate teapots.

I know EXACTLY what you are going through, my story feels very similar, ED makes their brains act in such an altered state and really effects the mind. I have recently learnt a good deal about AN, yet have only scratched the surface and every single person has their own individual personality and genetic makeup traits too. I feel like I have entered a matrix within a matrix, sometime it looks like 'normal' reality, but then it's a bloody messy complex web of tangled thoughts, feelings, emotions and pooey energy. Our ds are in there, but I am just realising that the mental state and the physical state go hand in hand, to get a good balance though....

We are not at IP stage (might not be far off though, only if we can turn this around and turn it around quickly), but your d is going to get the support and fuel she needs and although this must be very dark times for you, stay strong for your d and for yourself and breathe!

Kisses x


 

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D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 48 - 50kg. Don't know, threw out the scales! Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse. In the trenches and tackling FBT.
clem

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Reply with quote  #28 
Honestly,

This is just awful. I have tried to implement the magic plate today, for the first time since Sept 2017 diagnosis and leaving the hospital, D has been too involved in her 'recovery' so far. She has participated in mealtime prep and cooking, as well as ingredients etc.... Now I know she is scared and I expect all of the emotions that come with the magic plate, but it's just been brutal, the shouting screaming and language towards me is terrible, I can just about take this, but she has eaten less today than on a 'pre' magic plate day. She managed 1030cals yesterday, which is 30 cal more than the day before. I know it's not enough folks, but she did this of her own will and it was a massive step for her.

D is 44.6kg this morning, any less and I expect she'll be in the hospital....... she feels extremely unwell, as in lightheaded, faint and not all there. I know this is because she is practically starving.... but goodness me, it scares me... I get that it will get worse before it gets better, but at what cost? I tried 2000 cals today, she has probably had just under 1000, with all the throwing etc.... [bawl] I absolutely hate Anorexia and what it is doing to my sweet girl, it's days like today, that I feel I am loosing her.... I don't want to appear a wet sock, but you know what I mean.

I will keep going, but what do you recommend if she does not eat what I give her and ends up on low cals at the end of the day....?? I'll keep trying of course, but my instincts tell me we are close to something bad happening....

It's just me here by the way, partner is moving out (v long story and not a nice person). My parents are getting on in age and D just does not want to engage with anyone except me. I am going to have to get back to work soon (in a PT capacity, just so I can hold on to my job!). This is SO frustrating!

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D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 48 - 50kg. Don't know, threw out the scales! Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse. In the trenches and tackling FBT.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #29 

Hi Clem,
Yes it is hard. 

The first thing that strikes me is that your D is feeling faint. She may need urgent medical assessment for cardiac compromise ie blood pressure and lab work. 

I would not recommend weighing her every day. That could be torture for her, if she is up ED will punish her and if down, she will feel she has failed you. I wonder if it is torture for her to do the meals herself. I wonder if you taking control actually gives your real D some relief that she does not have to take on ED as you will do it for her. I know she is fighting with you but it is really ED. Your real D needs YOU to take on ED for her. You have shown ED that you are the force to contend with. As Tina said yesterday, fake it until you make it. We all had to do that as it does not come easily 

I do feel she has to eat what you give her- no negotiation. You have a nutritious day planned out and she has to eat it. The goal is not just to eat but to eat enough. Replate the food if needed or give another meal option the same or more calories, supplement with ensure/fortisip etc..

Please get help for yourself if needed, to do this. I know it is you and you alone doing this- and have great respect and empathy for you. If you feel something bad will happen please have a plan for safety for you and your D.

Sending strength,
XXX

scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #30 
Please also remember, that one day does not mean that this will not work. It is the just the  first step in the thousand mile journey. Keep faith, you are a supermom.
I hope that helps. 

kazi67

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Reply with quote  #31 
Clem
Please take your d to the hospital to have her checked, that was our advice for to us if our d was feeling dizzy/faint/pains in chest or refusing to eat
Make sure you take some sandwiches etc as I said we were at the hospital for 7 hours and my d was only given a small glass of orange juice
Since we have left my d is eating but still restricting as the lovely doctor told her to only eat as much as she felt comfortable eating “just a light meal” 3 times a day, so now she argues with me whenever I tell her that’s not enough, she tells me she is doing what the doctor said 🙁
What the heck is wrong with these doctors?
Good idea to throw out the scales we did this on advice at diagnosis
xx
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #32 
This is so normal. As others have said if she is feeling faint she does need medical assessment as it is likely she is having some issues with either her pulse or blood pressure. 

That being said as for the re-feeding, this is normal. If she is fighting you, then it means you are on the right path. Persisting is actually the way through. If she throws food, give her more. If she breaks things give her more. Our job is to outwit and outlast her ED. Try not to be bullied into letting her feed herself as this is exactly what her ED wants. By pushing through this you will get there. 

If she can't eat enough she needs to be hospitalised. You are giving her what she needs. It is reasonable to increase by 200-300 cal per day until she is gaining 1kg per week. 

I also agree, please stop weighing her daily, twice a week at most.  It serves no purpose other than to feed into ED anxiety. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #33 
Quote:
Originally Posted by clem
I will keep going, but what do you recommend if she does not eat what I give her and ends up on low cals at the end of the day....?? I'll keep trying of course, but my instincts tell me we are close to something bad happening....


Ugh.  It's so hard to figure out what works, and each family is different.  Here are a few things that have worked for some:

Try waking her up an hour or two before her regular wake=up time, with smoothie in hand: "Here, drink this."  If she does, she can roll over and go back to sleep.  Many find that ED is weakest in the early morning.

Spoonfeeding.  Yes, really.  It works for some.

LSUYE (Life Stops Until You Eat) with Magic Plate: You plan meals, prepare them, serve - her only job is to eat.  When she has finished, she can go to school, watch the movie, whatever the next thing is.  Until then, there you sit.

Have you seen this video by forum member Eva Musby? I think it's brilliant:



xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
clem

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Reply with quote  #34 
Thanks everyone!

This video is one of my mantras! I am on such a learning curve, very difficult when in this situation with the utmost stubborn ED as well as a sassy teen. Yesterday has passed, today is a new day!

Deep breath and here we go.............

xxx

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D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 48 - 50kg. Don't know, threw out the scales! Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse. In the trenches and tackling FBT.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #35 
Clem,
keep feeding. We have your back.
kazi67,
There was one trick I would do when d would fight on amounts of food. I would tell her that I called the doctor or another person on the team and they told me to do whatever I was doing. She would ask if the dietitian said to add the nuts and I would say yes. Then I called the team and told them Or if I wanted to add a smoothie everday and not just three times per week, I called the team and told them to tell her that was the plan from now on. Now I had a great team and would call one of them almost every week to tell the game plan. Then that person would tell the doctor who told my d. Only once when the doctor knew i was "doctoring" haha, the meals with cream, oil etc she said i should not do that as then d would lose trust in her. She never told d anything , I just nodded and did what I had to anyway.
Hope that helps.
xxx
tina72

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Reply with quote  #36 
Hi clem,
the first explosion is totally normal and shows you that you hit ED at the right place. Whenever you see ED in action, you know you are doing the right thing.
I know it is hard and it is difficult. The first days are the most difficult.
What did you do when she refused to eat what you served her?
Did she get up and went to her room? Follow her with the plate and a spoon. If she locks the door, take the keys away (better do that before meals).
Did she smash the plate? Take a new one and refill it. If you run out of food, replace it with ensure.
Same with spitting food on table or floor. Replace it. If she throws things or furniture, put them away. Be careful that she cannot take scissors or knifes to hurt herself or you.
Your reaction must be like a brick wall. NOT EATING IS NOT POSSIBLE. 3 meals 3 snacks. We sit here until you ate that and if it takes the whole day. Calm and compassionate. You can train that. You need not believe you know what you do, try to be an oscar nominated actor.

Try not to take to your heart what she is yelling and screaming. Think about talking to the neighbors so they know that nobody is been killed in your house.
ED is yelling and screaming and saying these bad words, not your d. My d today doesn´t even know any more what she had said to me. The patients can forget that, parents often not.

If you think she could faint, take her to ER please, her heart could be damaged. That is serious.

Please keep us updated how you are doing. Ask questions. We can help you.
Tina72
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #37 
clem,
I am thinking of you and your D. How is it going? 
XXX
clem

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Reply with quote  #38 
Scaredmom,

Today is not a good day.... D has gained, from 44.9kg yesterday to 45.3kg today (was 45kg the day before yesterday), which is good news in one respect, it's just a tiny increase, but a start. d is absolutely determined that she can 'feel' the difference in the tightness of her clothing, so the anger and fear is unbelievable. The throwing of objects in frustration is now at me, my stomach hurts from the object she threw at me half an hour ago. I was and am calm, I just left the room to give her some space and said this it was not acceptable to hurt people, inside I am screaming in my own fear. She is also absolutely in distress about having to go to CAMHS next week.

She is refusing to go to CAMHS next week, and here is the conflict...... Should I take her? I know what you guys think... but the EDS team leader and my GP both say she HAS to be there (or she might end up getting sectioned if she does not engage, due to her very low weight and health). Apparently it's a 10 week programme to begin WR, next week will be the discussion and plan putting in place. I was told over the phone that no numbers will be mentioned, but of course d will need to gain weight and we'll have to go in once a week for weighing etc... this is as much I know, but was told they will try to make it work for d.

1. I have told d that she needs to go, as calmly as I can and that they are here to support us.
2. She is threatening all sorts (suicide) if she gains any more weight, and here the aggression comes in (out of pure fear). She has threatened suicide before but said when she calmed down that she would never do anything 'stupid' , she is just scared.
3. There is no one but me at home, not sure how the bloody hell to do this and work (I am already clinging onto my job as it is). This is always in the back of my mind, it's a great job and I can't afford to loose it or get less salary. Easter Hols bought me some time, but that is over next Mon, yikes!

We have a poor history with CAMHS, they really let us down and although we have a brand new EDS team, D is so disgusted and let down by them, she does not want to engage. Here is just one reason why CAMHS suck.... back in Sept 2017 when d was discharged from the hospital, CAMHS were to sort out an EDS dietitian to help get D back on track and WR, this never happened, even though I called on numerous occasions..... so today for the first time in 6 months I am finally told by an EDS team leader that d needs to get to 51.9kg for minimum safe weight and then up to 57kg for WR (this actually seems a bit off and low to me). Why the hell was I not given this info before and when I had time off work from Sept to Jan?? I also did not know a thing about ED or AN, my education stated over Xmas and with you guys recently. I am only just grasping sodding magic plates.

So frustrated, part of me wants them all to just go away and part of me really needs the support, because let's face it, if d does not go to CAMHS, they will discharge us an no support will be offered and since discharge from hospital instead of maintaining her then 52kg weight, she has slid down, it's no bloody wonder, no WR was ever put in place and I just did know enough! Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

Aside all of this, d is still eating her 3 meals a day and v mini snacks, drinking plenty. Not taking enough calories overall (that's just going to take time), but she is eating good healthy stuff. I am scared if we don't go with CAMHS, she'll just hover around the weight she is at, feel awful and continue to miss school, her period and her young life. CAMHS might be just what we need, or might make it worse, they did last time. (We went to an assessment end of July 2017, they did not 'feel she had AN, just mild ED thinking and was told that vegetables (this is all she was eating at the time) did not have any nutritional content in them whatsoever (with this comment d did not eat a thing for 48 hours, did not see the point), a month later she was in hospital diagnosed with AN).

When I go food shopping later, will buy myself tequilla! I need just one shot of lovely golden algarve plant stuff to alleviate my twitchy eye.

If I take d to CAMHS next week and hear their plan, I can: A - go with it and stick to it if good and sensible, or B: -if a really pants plan, implement my own (follow the minimum WR plan and then up to the full WR). If I do my own plan, I know initially d will be very thankful that we will not have to deal with CAMHS, but it will still mean increasing the calories with me in full charge and only weigh ins at the GP, or at CAMHS (just to keep registered with them). Either way she will hate it.... and either way, whether or not they are involved, I still have to do this at home with just me and d.

Basically I have no idea what I am talking about (hysterical LOL). I just need to get on with this don't I!

PS: If I really start to increase d's calories on a daily basis, what do I tell her in regard to letting her know what her 'safe' weight is...  nothing? She is not a small child anymore, 15 next week and extremely mature in many senses. She know's current weight is not healthy (when she is in the right frame of mind to listen), so should she be told what the minimum 'safe' weight will be? It's a good 7kg more!

__________________
D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 48 - 50kg. Don't know, threw out the scales! Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse. In the trenches and tackling FBT.
deenl

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Reply with quote  #39 
Hi Clem,

We are in a different country but on the whole the professional support was rubbish. We did remain patients but with me as the unofficial team leader and I accepted things I thought would help and refused supports that didn't suit us. Ususally, I just said that I didn't think it was the right time etc to keep them onside. I do know that I wouldn't have been able to do it entirely alone (although we did about 90%) and the medical checkups we totally essential.

BTW, my son HATED, HATED, HATED everything about it but it was necessary. And remember, nothing is all good or all bad. Try to winkle out the bits CAMHS can offer that do help you.

Best of luck,

D

__________________
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Kali

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Reply with quote  #40 
Hi Clem,

So sorry your daughter is going through this.
Can I suggest that you stop weighing her for the time being and just focus on feeding her?
Hide the scale or give it to a neighbor/friend to hold for you?
My d. has said that it helped her not to know what she weighed for awhile.

Quote:
what do I tell her in regard to letting her know what her 'safe' weight is...  nothing? She is not a small child anymore, 15 next week and extremely mature in many senses. She know's current weight is not healthy (when she is in the right frame of mind to listen), so should she be told what the minimum 'safe' weight will be? It's a good 7kg more! 


You don't need to talk to her about weight at all, because in her state she is not rational about her weight at the moment and it will just cause her distress and anxiety. Just keep focusing on feeding her and increasing her calories. Plan some activities to do together to try and take her mind off the ED. Add some benecalorie to her meals and don't let her find out about that. It is tasteless in soups and sauces. Start making her smoothies for breakfast. 

She is 15 and you are the parent. I too thought that my daughter was "mature" for her age however your daughter is not capable of making mature decisions about her food intake right now and that means she is not actually mature and you need to take over those decisions in a calm, loving, firm and compassionate way, whether she likes it or not.

Quote:
2. She is threatening all sorts (suicide) if she gains any more weight, and here the aggression comes in (out of pure fear). She has threatened suicide before but said when she calmed down that she would never do anything 'stupid' , she is just scared.


If she is expressing thoughts of suicide and is agressive, that is very serious and perhaps she needs to go back to the hospital and be refed under supervision again. Can you call the team you have been offered and let them know about this? That was one of the reasons my d. went into residential since I took her suicidality very seriously and I also work; and didn't feel I could keep her safe at home; she needed 24/7 care. I think that suicidality comes at the top of the pyramid of symptoms to treat. Also if you are a single parent and you need to be able to keep working it will not help her if you lose your job; perhaps she needs a higher level of care in that case where it is not all on you.

As far as getting her to go speak with the team you can try giving her a choice if you think this is appropriate:

She can keep an open mind and try to engage with the team and you and stay home, and eat the food you serve her because you want the very best for her, you love her, etc. 

Or you can call the team and let them know that you think she needs to go back to the hospital because she is resistant and perhaps this can result in her being sectioned. 

And please sit down with a tequila this evening and do not beat yourself up about what you didn't know last fall. Every day is a new opportunity and we can only move ahead. This is a very difficult illness to grapple with and there is a very steep learning curve for caregivers. Can you reach out to friends, family or find a therapist for you to see on your own so that you can increase the support you have on the ground as well as getting support on ATDT?

sending virtual support,

Kali

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clem

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Reply with quote  #41 
Thank you.

I just hid the scales and the battery. Have not told d yet. It will likely cause her to completely loose it.

I called CAMHS to phone me back urgently, I need their advice about next week and what to do in the meantime.

D is in so much distress over the upcoming (next Tues CAMHS visit) that she has had a couple of nasty panic attacks, called me terrible things and ended up hitting me and kicking me in the tummy, which really hurt like hell. We cannot go on like this....... All I can do is daily increase (and I am sneaking in extra calories), but to be honest, she is getting worse and sadly violent. There is NO WAY she can be left alone right now.

She has not been out much a t all in the last few weeks, so has developed a real phobia... so I'll wait for CANHS to call me back and go from there!

xx


__________________
D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 48 - 50kg. Don't know, threw out the scales! Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse. In the trenches and tackling FBT.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #42 

Ok now take a big breath in and slowly release it.AAAAAAH.

Deenl and Kali have given you great, great advice. She HAS to get the help. I actually think getting her sectioned ie forcing treatment on her is a really good thing. That decision then will be out of your hands and then responsibility goes to the team to care for her.

If there is physical violence, would you call the police? You may need to, to keep you both safe. I would not discuss ANY plans that you have next week at all with her. I would just say " I have made the decisions as your mother who loves you and I am doing this to take care of you ". Then drop it. If you say the same thing over and over that may help. I would not tell my D until the day of that we were going to the doctor, as she would fret in the days prior to the appointment. It was still hell to get her there and back but at least it was a for a few hours that day and not for days prior. I also put my D in the back seat and not objects to throw at me, and child locked the doors and windows of the car. When she sat in the front, she would hit me and then open the door while MOVING and try to jump out!!

If she is threatening suicide, maybe you need to take her to the hospital. It may be a way to get help sooner??

As for getting help, she really cannot and should  not dictate whether she goes or not and when she is there, yes she can decide NOT to engage if she wishes. But just by taking her there, and exposing her to the new team it shows ED that "no choice honey, it is time for help".

AS for you saying she is not getting enough calories but that takes time?? Well what are you waiting for? She will never eat more if you are giving her the choice to eat less.   I am being blunt and you can be mad at me,  I am saying it this way as I feel things for you are now at a crisis point. Even when and if she is hospitalised, YOU will have to do this and add more calories. They do not send the patient home fully restored, you will still need to do it - now AND later. And for months or years later.

I am saying this to you very frankly so that it may help to shake things up. What is happening now is not working things need to change immediately. And I am saying this as I have been there and now with more emotional distance, I can see the traps of ED better. Everyone here has learned very important lessons about ED and they are sharing to help you do it better that we did. (ie that you don't fall into the holes like we did- it is not failure, but lessons we can all share on how to make the next child better faster. ) 

As for you plans  to see the team and hear their recommendations, remember YOU ARE THE BOSS. You can hear everyone out and make a decision that you feel best. They are there to help you but if it smells fishy by all means do what you feel best.

As for agoraphobia, could be ED too. Either way the treatment is exposure. She is phobic of food and she has to eat. She has to get out and get help.

Clem, please take heart, get help for both of you.

XXX


 

Torie

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Reply with quote  #43 
Ugh, I'm so sorry this vile illness is wreaking such havoc.  I'm sure your d - your REAL d; not the terrorist that has taken up residence in her brain - is mortified about the violence.  I wonder if you could call the police and let them know your d has a mental health issue and ask how they handle calls when mental health is the cause of the violence.  If you like the answer, then you can tell your d that violence is unacceptable and you will need to call the police if it continues.  Many here have found that just picking up the phone is enough to stop the violence in its tracks.  A few have had sympathetic police departments who have sent an officer to the house in a time of calm to explain to the ED-kid that violence is unacceptable. Just a thought.

It's good that you have disappeared the scale, but I wonder if it can depart altogether.  Perhaps a friend or neighbor could ask to borrow it?  Or maybe throw it away.  I told my d it wasn't doing us any good and I threw it away ... took me a while to actually do the throwing away part, but in the end it was a kindness to get it out of the house for good.

I'm not sure I fully understand your situation at the moment - is this correct?  If your d refuses to attend the meeting, it is (fairly?) likely that they will section her?  That might be a real blessing.

I agree with whoever (Kali?) said that suicidality is the highest priority concern.  I'm assuming you have removed sharps and meds, but I agree the team needs to be made aware of this.

Hang in there!  Please remember that we're with you in spirit. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #44 
Hi clem,
I would not weigh her on daily base, once a week is enough for the start and try to get her blind weighed. Better do that not at home but at the GP for example. No scales at home is the best.
I would not allow violence. She must see that this has consequences. Can you think about phoning the police and ask them for help? In many countries police has a special team for psychological problems and they can be send to your house if she is violent again and have a serious talk with her. In many cases that worked.

"So frustrated, part of me wants them all to just go away and part of me really needs the support, because let's face it, if d does not go to CAMHS, they will discharge us an no support will be offered and since discharge from hospital instead of maintaining her then 52kg weight, she has slid down, it's no bloody wonder, no WR was ever put in place and I just did know enough! Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh."

Try to give the new team a real chance and you decide who goes there and who not. Do not let her (and then ED) decide if she wants to go to the appointment. If you decide that is not helpful that is o.k., but do not let her make that decision.

She should not know her weight. Not now and not later. No discussion about target weight. She is still growing so there is no "real" target weight, she will need to gain some weight until her mid twenties to develop a female figure and to grow. So I would not tell her what targets for short term and long term the team set, because in most cases these target weights are too low and you will have a lot of problems to get over these targets if she knows them.
Keep swimming.

Tina72
Torie

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Reply with quote  #45 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tina72
No discussion about target weight. 


THanks, Tina, I had forgotten to suggest that myself.  I've been on this forum 4 years, and I can't think of one case where it was beneficial to discuss target weight.  And many cases where it made things worse.  I would suggest a brief acknowledgement of her feelings and then change the subject.  For example,  I see this is really frustrating, but there's no way to know how much weight will be enough until we get there.  How do you like my new socks? xx

-Torie

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clem

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Reply with quote  #46 
Thank you and absolutely no offense taken at all. I am out of my depth here and need direction, as well as support. My confidence is very shaky at present.

Spoke to CAMHS, they feel d needs to go in on Tues to put plan in place as well as assess her for potential sectioning etc... or if they think we can do this at home. I will take everything on board and make my own decisions. At least now I know what WR to aim for. I usually find advanced warning helps her anxiety and helps her prepare. She hates going to the GP, but always gets there. I think CAMHS in her mind is the pit of Dante's Inferno.

I am giving d more calories every day for the last few days of new magic plate routine, but she just refuses to eat it all (eats most, but not all). It's a brand new process to her, she has been in control for 6 months, this is new and terrifying to her. Added to this is the thought of going to CAMHS.

Yes, I think ED is controlling EVERYTHING including agoraphobia, although she had anxiety and social anxiety before ED, since being little, I think ED is exacerbating it.

Thank you again, I really do appreciate all of the kind suggestions and support!

xx

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D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 48 - 50kg. Don't know, threw out the scales! Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse. In the trenches and tackling FBT.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #47 
"I usually find advanced warning helps her anxiety and helps her prepare. She hates going to the GP, but always gets there. I think CAMHS in her mind is the pit of Dante's Inferno."
Yes and yes. Warning and telling before what will happen helps. And CAMHS is her hell because ED knows that they will fight against him.

"I am giving d more calories every day for the last few days of new magic plate routine, but she just refuses to eat it all (eats most, but not all)."
Try to work on that. She must finish the plate. If you let her leave one bite it will be two and three the next time and then she will refuse to eat all.
Try to tell her that if she does not finish the plate you will add double amount of what is missing to the next meal. That worked here very well...[wink]

"Yes, I think ED is controlling EVERYTHING including agoraphobia, although she had anxiety and social anxiety before ED, since being little, I think ED is exacerbating it."
Most ED kids have that character before ED. Read Carrie Arnolds great book "Decoding anorexia" if you find time. You will nodd your head on every second page like I did.
Interesting detail: After WR and with brain recovery my d starts to be more social and more confident for the first time in her life. As if surviving ED had changed something in her brain...

Tina72
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Reply with quote  #48 
So sorry it's so awful. My d was also violent and suicidal. I did contact local police, there was a mental health liaison whom I spoke with to explain our situation and find out what would happen if I called them. Then I calmly told d I had contacted police in case I needed to call them to keep us both safe. Next time she got violent I stepped toward the phone and said calmly that I would call police now. She stopped. I think she was relieved that I would not allow her to be so violent. Deep down she was ashamed, and your d is too. 

So save her from that shame, consider bringing in "the authorities" around the violence.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #49 
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Originally Posted by clem
Yes, I think ED is controlling EVERYTHING including agoraphobia, although she had anxiety and social anxiety before ED, since being little, I think ED is exacerbating it.


ED takes their strengths and uses them against them.  And profits from their weaknesses.  Ugh.

No matter how shaken you feel, please try to act confident.  "Fake it til you make it" is a great ATDT motto.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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kt_uk

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Reply with quote  #50 
The problem in our house is how to weather the extreme violence and aggression over and over again around food and exercise
How does anyone not become ill themselves
My daughter has sort of relapsed if she was ever better from 92% height for weight to 85% and withvit totallyclost her mental health so she argues about weight gain and I can’t get control she’s never quite sunk as low as IP treatment but after nearly 4 months of being badly attacked bitten and slapped round the head I think she’d be better off in hospital away from us however I’m not sure she’s sectionable and she won’t consent she’s 16 any ideas

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