F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Oct18
Hi, my D is currently IP and I am thinking of the future and how to make progress at home.  At present D does not look at her weight, she used to and it provoked so much anxiety to see even such a small increase as 100g that I suggested she didn't look and see if that was less anxiety provoking.

It has been great - no more meltdowns and far less anxiety about weight in general not just on days when weighing is done. However, the Dr says this is not helpful and that she should be encouraged to look at her weight and be able to deal with it as she is an adult.  I really can't see how this helps if knowing the weight causes such distress but Dr insists it is part of the "therapy".

I am telling my D to carry on doing what she thinks is best for her, but would like to know what you all think?  Is this standard practice?  (We are in England)
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debra18
Trust your own instincts when it comes to your daughter. 
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scaredmom
debra18 wrote:
Trust your own instincts when it comes to your daughter. 


Ditto.
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
Many adults with EDs decide not to know what they are weighing as they feel better with it. I do not remember - was it foodsupports d? or ED dad? - there was a report here last year about an adult recovered d who was pregnant and decided not to know her weight even in pregnancy as it was feeding ED thought to come back.

My d is 19 and legally adult and she decided not to know her weight and she is fine with it.
I see no sense how your d should stand this anxiety if it is really not needed. If the dr finds she needs to know it because she is adult he must accept that she can decide not to want to know it because she is adult!

Listen to your gut and go on with blind weighing. I would never do anything else again with my d. She never new her weight up to age 16 and the moment she got on the scale first and knew it the problems began. No scale at home and no open weighing for a very long time here.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Seashell
My D mega restricts if there has been any weight gain and more determined than ever if has loss. I have felt very strongly she shouldn’t know her weight but they asked her and insisted she should know if she wants to. Just under new lot who are stricter and when I explained what happens they immediately took away her right to know. So thrilled. I’d say my instincts have been proven right.  
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Mamaroo
I am not very keen on open weighing, my d didn't know her weight during refeeding. We don't have a scale at home and even I don't know my weight. When visiting the GP a while ago I was required to get on the scales, and I just told the GP I am going to close my eyes and I do not want to know what I weigh. For centuries we didn't know our weight and that was before the obesity epidemic, so I don't think that it is useful. You can revisit that when your d is 1 year post WR, but since she is still at IP, I don't think she is close to handle that information without it distressing her. Can you convince the dr that "the open weighing part of therapy" could be postpone until her state of mind is a lot better?
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her.
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Kali
Hi Oct18,

Our d. knew her weight when she was in residential treatment as it was part of the program there, while she was being weight restored. However when she came home we went to blind weighing and that seemed to alleviate some anxiety. 

I'm sure she has some idea based on how her clothes fit her, but she still does not like being confronted with the number. 
As long as she maintains a good weight and is doing well I think it is fine, perhaps even better, that she doesn't have to have the stress of knowing. 

Kali
Food=Love
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Foodsupport_AUS
Definitely not my D was pregnant. At least I don't think so ðŸ˜‰  From memory it was Aussieed's daughter who chose not to know. 
We spent a long time with my D not knowing her weight. Like others there was huge melt down's and was an enormous barrier to weight restoration. Now D is older (22) she does know her weight. No melt downs if there is a gain. She does find it useful to know her weight. If stable or going up she is eating enough, if she is losing she knows she needs to put in effort. Mostly she is very good at balancing things but she does like to check in that it is going OK. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Oct18
Thank you everyone for your replies.  I am going to continue to tell D not to look at or ask for weight at this point.  I am really glad that I have the support / experience of all here, it makes me feel more confident in my decisions knowing others agree.
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tina72
Definitely not my D was pregnant. At least I don't think so Ã°Å¸Ëœâ€°  From memory it was Aussieed's daughter who chose not to know. 


I did not want to put rumor into the ATDT world, just only remembered it was somebody from down under.
But I hope you will have nice cute grandchildren some time in future, Foodsupport! Please don´t mind that I thought it was your d.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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