F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

sunny6
So whole we have seen steps forward and they are wr, what do you do with an increased desire to become a vegetarian?

They have made comments that they know we wouldn't approve and that we believed it is part of the ED, but they claim that they hate meat.

Most times, the comments are ignored, but is there anything else we should be saying or doing?  They ate meat all of their life and have loved it and we haven't engaged in discussing that we would allow this.  It did dawn on me this morning, that with their current safe foods, 4 of the 5 meals/snacks don't currently have meat.  They have cheese and eggs.  The other day, they did do a meat sandwich for a meal in addition to their one meal, but otherwise no meat.

This desire has just surfaced really in the last month and we are about 3 years since diagnosis.  Are we inadvertently allowing it to evolve with allowing the safe foods as we tackle exercise and purging?
Quote
Enn
Interesting comment about inadvertently allowing it. I don't know. Maybe it is time to add in more meat and see how it goes? That would be my thinking at this time.
 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote
Foodsupport_AUS
It is such a delicate balancing act isn't it? There are so many things going on at the same time, that it is hard to work out which ones take priority. 

My D when first ill refused all red meat and chicken. She would eat fish or vegetarian, and even then not a lot of fish. There was so much trouble getting her to eat, and when hospitalised no one could get her to eat these either. She would take a supplement of significantly greater calories to "prove" this was not about ED. In the the end getting weight on, and managing other things such as purging and exercise probably should be prioritised above the types of foods. It may be all ED, but the desire to not eat meat is much more complex in thought and behaviour than the other ED behaviours. 

The good news is that my D now eats meat again, but in limited quantities. It only took around seven years for her to slowly start to add it in, initially on occasion and as part of travelling, and now much more regularly. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Quote
MKR
Hi @Sunny,

While exercise and purging are still going on I would be reluctant to allow further restricting.  Perhaps this can be used as motivation? Ie., after two weeks of NO exercise and NO purging, you can maybe discuss alternatives to meat.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
Quote
melstevUK
Sunny6,

While our children are growing they never are truly weight restored. They may be wr for a short period but then the target weight will shift again. 
At this point I would tell your d that her brain needs animal protein, that you will not support a vegetarian diet and that she needs good sources of protein during her recovery. Tell her that when she is fully recovered and an adult she can make her own lifestyle choices based on her beliefs but that right now it is not sensible. 
If you feel that standpoint is too harsh then you could use MKR's suggestion above. I think allowing her to restrict in any way at this point is setting you back too much and is not worth the risk. 
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
Quote
sunny6
Yes, they understand that it isn't an option and have even said to us "you believe this is the ED that wants it".  They recognize that it could be a part of it and understand we are holding firm to it.  Weight was added recently and we have seen a positive shift in attitude some days as well as them willing eating items in addition to what is plated.  We also have a set of guidelines over the summer for working on their independence while maintaining their weight.  They have been cooperative since we did that as they understand that our goal is the same as theirs.  

However, ED is still around.  It beat our child up pretty badly the other night with sad thoughts and so a comment like this might just be the ED popping up.  We try to ignore the comments or simply state that you need meat in your diet for the protein and while nuts, etc can provide some, it won't be enough for you.
Quote
MKR
sunny6 wrote:
Weight was added recently and we have seen a positive shift in attitude some days as well as them willing eating items in addition to what is plated.  We also have a set of guidelines over the summer for working on their independence while maintaining their weight.  They have been cooperative since we did that as they understand that our goal is the same as theirs.  

However, ED is still around.  It beat our child up pretty badly the other night with sad thoughts and so a comment like this might just be the ED popping up.  We try to ignore the comments or simply state that you need meat in your diet for the protein and while nuts, etc can provide some, it won't be enough for you.


Sounds like you have a good overall control of the situation! Well done on weight gain, keep going.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
Quote

        

WTadmin