F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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MaggieMamie
Does anyone have experience with them?  My 19 year old son has an appointment there this week.  Sophomore in college. Purging again, poor intake, weight loss in the three weeks since he returned to school.  Had attendend partial at Cambridge Eating Disorders for about week and a half.  They cleared him to return to school.  Went to Walden IOP and Partial for a couple of days before quitting both earlier in the summer.  Preparing for another disappointment frankly.
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Kali

Hi MaggieMamie,

Welcome to ATDT. I hope you will find answers to your questions. I cannot give you any feedback about that particular center, however I can tell you a little bit about what we did for our daughter, then a freshman in college, when she had the symptoms you are describing in your son. 

I poked around a little on their website and saw that they encourage family involvement and have had Dr. Laura Hill speak at an event they organized. Dr. Hill is very well respected in the field and helped set up a week long family program in Ohio which has been highly spoken of. Both of those things seem like positives to me.

When our d. was very ill her freshman year, she also attended an IOP while in college. But it really was not enough to stop the purging and the weight loss and in fact she grew worse while she was in the program. She also became exhausted because it was very difficult to be at a low weight trying to keep up with schoolwork and the program and we ended up taking her out of school on a medical leave and she went into residential treatment and then stepped down gradually after that and lived at home with good meal support. She was out of school for a year before going back and trying again. Before she went back to her university which was 4 hours away, we had her take some part time college courses locally for a semester while living at home to see how she would handle the stress. 

The medical leave was easy enough to arrange for. She had to contact the medical center, sign the paperwork and then on reentry she had to agree to remain in treatment. She will be graduating this December and was able to go back and successfully navigate the rest of her college experience (not without a few blips though)

The purging was interrupted by a 3 month stay in residential where she was not able to use the bathroom after eating and she was on a locked ward so she couldn't go anywhere.

If possible, get him to sign the HIPPA forms so that you can be involved in the process. We made that a condition of being able to be away at college when our daughter went back. 

I looked on the provider part of the ATDT board and did a search for the program, but nothing came up. Perhaps after your son has been there you might like to leave a review of the center there for other families who might be interested in the future?

I wish you and your son all the best and hope that he will get the help he needs so that he can move forward with his life free from the disorder.

warmly,

Kali

Food=Love
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MaggieMamie
I am so grateful for your response and the gift of information. It gives me strength.Unyeds is 7 hours from our home. Not sure how anything is going to work but at least I know that we’re not completely alone with this experience. Filled with gratitude for the  connection to other parents like you!
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sk8r31
Welcome MaggieMamie, though sorry you have a need to be here.  Kali has given you some great insight into her journey with her d at a similar age to your s, and with some similar behaviors.  Hopefully, others will be along shortly to share their thoughts and experiences.

We were able to navigate the college years with my d with a contract in place, and a strong safety net.  She had been nutritionally rehabilitated for about a year when she went out of state to university.  I can't stress enough that going away to school is a huge transition, and nearly impossible for one who is struggling with an ED.  Being in robust recovery is a necessity in my view for attending college or university.  Times of transition are extra stressful, and going away to university is one of the biggest.  As Kali needed to do with her d, sometimes a medical leave is necessary to work on recovery.

Here is a blog post by Lauren Muhlheim (on the F.E.A.S.T. Advisory Panel)  regarding when a young person who's had an ED may be ready for university.  

Sending warm support to you.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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MaggieMamie
This is very helpful. The answer to each question on the checklist is no. We went along with the case manager’s recommendation that he return to school although we had doubts. We are now realizing, thanks to the parents on this forum, that we need to trust our own judgment. We are girding for battle strengthened by the support we have received in the last few hours from the forum. 
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deenl
Hi MaggieMarnie and welcome,

While the health care systems in your son's school may not be able to share information with you (unless HIPPA forms have been signed by your son) there is nothing to stop you sharing information with them if needs be. Once it has been made clear to them how ill some of our children can be, many school's have been eager to move forward with medical leave. They do not want to be held responsible for an ill person on their premises.

Wishing you strength and courage,

D

PS In my opinion, gaining enough knowledge about the illness to challenge professionals who may not be 100% focused on your child and who may be out of date is one of the very best tools that we have for supporting our children. Please feel free to use the search button to research how other parents have dealt with this issue and ask any questions at all.
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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MaggieMamie
My son was amazingly, miraculously receptive to having us accompany him to his appointment. As I’ve shared on the FB forum, the RD was very matter of fact which he found refreshing. She demonstrated that she understood him and how he operates. The results of the metabolic testing and her explanation really shifted his thinking. She recommended residential but knew he wasn’t ready   So she immediately set him up with a therapist, dietician at their Ithaca location, meal plan and screening for IOP. She wanted to let him find out for himself how hard this would be. Within 24 hours, with support from his angelic friends, he decided that he needed residential care. He came home yesterday from college on a medical leave of absence. We’re waiting for assistance from the center where they offered to help with referrals. Waiting to hear what insurance company is willing to do. He’s trying hard to eat and follow the plan until then. We’re in a good place but somehow I’m still sick with worry. Don’t mean to be ungrateful because I never thought we’d get to this point as easily. 
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scaredmom
I am pleased to read your post. It sounds like things will be heading in a good direction, and 
of course you would still be concerned. This is a journey that is most difficult. We have sick kids, it is hard to get good help
and support and the illness itself can make it harder still with the issues of denial etc..
I sometimes have to remind myself to relax a bit as things are moving forward and the worry is there to help me stay vigilant. It is both emotions of relief of moving forward and anxiety about slipping back, all at the same time. This may be a time you can exhale a bit as he is seeking help. Please take care of yourself too. I don’t want you to burn out.
So glad he is willing to get treatment. 
Sending a big hug.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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MaggieMamie
I read your note over and over before going to sleep last night. It gave me such comfort. Then I had a wonderful dream that I went to “anorexia camp” where they wanted me to prove I had a healthy relationship with chocolate by offering me all my favorite treats 😄!
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scaredmom
Well I hope you ate a lot of chocolate in that dream!! Lovely!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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