F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Hi everyone,
It's been awhile since I last posted, mainly because D has been reading my posts and because we've been in limbo and because I don't really have much advice to offer! However I have been reading and crying and cheering and of course learning.

D has come along way in the last month or so in so many ways and yet still no progress in others. BUT I'm learning to let go a little and being ok with letting her stumble and catching her when she does and each day is a little easier than the one before it.

Mentally there is good and bad with increased suicidal idealations to the point where I took her to the ED department for an evaluation. Therapy was bought forward and adjusted to be more about her than the family. The session was beneficial to her for the first time and she has some coping tools now. Perhaps it's because she's thinking more rationally now?
The severe body dysmorphia is slowly but surely disappearing for longer periods of time. She still thinks she weighs too much but it doesn't distress her uncontrollably.

She still will choose the lowest calorie option if given a choice but doesn't argue when I correct her or override the choice. She tells me if she's hungry or full and I'm finding that more and more often they appear to make sense so sometimes I'll adjust what I want her to eat with that in mind. We'll know in a couple of weeks if it's working - her weight will let us know.

I start a new job in a couple of weeks so once I start she'll be unsupervised while I'm at work until school starts back up which scares the crap out of me. But between friends and her coming to have lunch with me sometimes it's not all day everyday. It's an opportunity to test the waters for giving phase two another go. We don't have a choice! And it's really only for a couple of weeks so we'll be able to fix any backwards momentum.

Dealing with normal teenage stuff at moment. She snuck out of house at night to meet a boy...Me finding out prompted to meltdown that led us to ED. All settled down a bit now. Won't go into details but I'm focusing on the fact that most of what we are seeing is perfectly normal for her age! Having an eating disorder just complicates things I'm terms of her reaction to consequences and the consequences I can give.

Weight is right where it should be and today she's started her first ever period!! Much excitement for so many reasons. It's an important step in our daughter's lives but has so much more meaning for us than it would under different circumstances.

Thanks for listening and I hope you are all well and moving forward...no matter how slow or small the steps. Never forget you are all super heroes with super powers beyond belief.


ps. Here's my very first post..it was actually really hard reading it

Failure is NOT an option.....
Congratulations on the period!!! Still waiting here, and trying to figure out ideal BMI.
That's all, just wanted to say that's great news...

D 13.5yo, WR in Sept but keeps growing and struggling to keep enough calories in! Down 3lb in Earky Dec, been doing magic plate 90% of time for past couple weeks.
Praying we can figure out best long term eating and activity plan....
Seekingsunshine, found many rays of hope in the last year of treatment. D 14yr old- restricted since about age 9-10, dx at 13 when I felt she wasn't growing, FBT/maudsley summer 2015, WR Sept 2015, but have to keep chasing moving target. Not ready for eating independence.
Good to hear from you again. I had been wondering how things were for you. Sounds like a mixed bag like ourselves. We are in a similar spot, WR, but still ED talk and behaviours some of the time, and at last she is getting more from her sessions with therapist. We've been able to hand back some control over her eating to her, and just keep a close eye on her weight. I managed to go back to work (part time) last term and it seemed to work OK, just a fair amount of planning. We are also dealing with normal-ish teenage issues, our d just always has to push the envelope!

I'm glad that things have been progressing for you.  Keep up with the great job you have done! 
Thanks sunshine and Elena.

Sometimes I think I don't post much as we are doing really well and I feel so bad for those who are doing it so hard. Some of the stories and epic battles make our experience seem like child's play. I know that's not how it...but still.

We find ourselves in a weird position right now. We are doing maudsley...but also not maudsley! D is weight restored and we attempted phase 2 by the book and it failed spectacularly. As of yesterday's Fbt session we are now doing phase 3 and 2 concurrently. D will use the school counsellor for individual work when she goes back in late January and H and myself are writing our own rules in terms of giving control back. T told me that there isn't really much they can offer us as a family anymore as we have all the skills and ability to get D to independent eating on our own. So we'll make appointments if necessary but no set structure anymore. The team are there as a resource for us and to coordinate medical and mental state observations but we've basically been told to keep doing whatever it is we've been doing because it's working and if we need assistance they are there. Kicked out but not kicked out?!

It was a little empowering to be told that he's learnt a lot from us and that we've got this. He's moving somewhere else in January so it will be last time we deal with him. I apologised for being high maintenance and he said he wished more parents questioned the process and adjusted it suit their situation. There have been a few moments of disagreement with him but I always stuck to my guns because when I didn't things went wrong.

I guess what I finally realised is that us mums need to trust our instincts and take all the information we have and use the bits that work for us and our family and discard the bits that don't. Don't assume that professionals know what's best because we are professionals regarding our children. Every recovery journey is as individual as the ED sufferer and therefore what is needed is different for everyone too. Heck I'm writing our own manual day by day!

We have a long way to go but I can see the end of the road and I feel like we have definitely turned a corner. There is most definitely hope when once upon a time I had trouble seeing it.
Failure is NOT an option.....
Excellent news mrs franks.good on you for making the system work for you and changing the bits that didn't.have a merry Xmas and a happy new year [smile][smile]