F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

Hi ,am grateful that this year is finally over my d has finished her final year before college it has been very stressful and we had to fully supervise all meals and I am now handing back some responsibility. As my d due to being ill with anoxeria for the last 2 1/2 years she has missed out on that much of her life. The relief of having the exams finished is obvious and thankfully she is getting back to life as it should be interest in friends clothes make up and boys. We went on holidays to visit my son so there was lots of challenges with different types of food and times and overall except for a few blips she did extremely well. I was thinking of updating and last night out of the blue she had a complete meltdown over having a snack a bag of popcorn. She had been out the previous night and stayed over with her friends . She missed breakfast but said she would make up for it during the day which she did. There was a bit of stuff going on like messaging a boy who she had met and not wanting to meet him again , I think she felt bad over that. She was tired after previous night and overwhelmed with changes in food plan. It really scared me as she said sometimes she missed being in a cocoon in her room in hospital and not having stuff going on . She was in hospital for 4 months 19 months ago. She is eating following plan and did go out with friends today but the change in mood and crying and upset really unsettled me. I know we have come a long ways but I also see it's such a long journey through recovery.i This forum has been such a support to me as I often feel so alone and know that every one here going through this understands fully how it feels.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
I think when our kids get sick at such a critical age they miss out on so much that helps them mature and develop not only intelligence but social and emotional intelligence too.  My daughter used to really like being inpatient because things were so controlled.  The more experiences she has even the hard ones help her to see that there is life outside a hospital and makes that safe cocoon seem less desirable.  When everything is disease related, I think we sometimes forget that anxiety and emotional ups and downs are just all part of life and each is a learning experience.
It's great to read of the progress your d is making. Sometimes there are blips--just try to learn from them, encourage her to learn from them, and go on. Perhaps note and point out to her that skipping breakfast is a bad idea. The word "breakfast" means breaking the long fast of sleep, and extending that fast by 3-4 hours more until lunch can seriously lower blood sugar levels and affect mood. For my d, we also have found that having a good big breakfast sets her up to feel hungrier and more used to eating fully for the whole rest of the day. Making it up later in the day is of course better than not, but it's not the same at all, we found. 

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
I think mjkz makes a good point, too. It's hard with our kiddos and their issues to know remember sometimes that not everything is related to the ED or the comorbids that go with it. I'm guilty of literally forgetting that my D is a teenager who has the regular anxiety and worries that all teens have, but piled on more with the other concerns. 

I also can understand how scary it is to see that behavior again when you haven't had to deal with it for quite a while. I wonder if it triggers our own PTSD in some ways - we just don't want to go back there and don't remember how!  

However, see how tomorrow goes. She may very well wake up much happier and calmer having a good night sleep. I know that's happened with us, and I always breathe a sigh of relief.
19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Hi , mijz I have to keep reminding myself about normal teenage behaviour as I do think at times its all ed related but it's not thanks for that reminder. Psycho mom I think not missing breakfast is key as you said. I can see how quickly missing a meal can be the start of a slippery slope. . Hate ed with a passion. , every time I see ed behaviours I find myself feeling I can't do this again thankfully my d did continue to eat but it took a few days for her to recover in how she was feeling . She felt low for about 2 days not sure why . Kali thanks also for advice about not missing breakfast she does seem to realise it didn't work on that day as trying to make up for it in a shorter day is difficult. We are still working on the line weight isn't maintained during holidays with a lot of support and having some meals with friends then college won't be happening .
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary.