F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Hebrides
Hi everyone,

I hope you have all got through Christmas as best you could and that there have been good moments even though it can be a hugely difficult time for families with an ED in their midst...

Our d was allowed home for 24 hours on Christmas Eve, with a clear plan in place for managing her SH. Sadly she didn't feel able to implement her alternative coping strategies (sitting in a particular place so we would know she needed support, filling in a "crisis" sheet, ice cubes, distractions etc etc) and despite being with us for pretty much every minute of her stay, she did cut her arms - but didn't tell us. She said she was so scared we would take her to A&E and she didn't want to ruin Christmas...

She is coming home again this evening, this time for 2 nights, so we are all trying to keep a lid on our anxiety.

It is clear that her current unit will be looking to set a discharge date at her next review in mid-Jan - they feel there is not much more they can offer to treat the depression etc. D says she does not feel ready to be discharged - from someone who has always been desperate to get home, this feels important. So it seems likely that she will transfer to a new unit (CAMHS general adolescent psychiatric unit). Not sure how I feel about this - it is so hard to discern what is the "right" course of action that will help her most - crystal ball would be so helpful!

We all know that she will need to continue to practise being in the real world after so long IP (since May), and prolonging her stay in IP may reinforce her becoming institutionalised. But I still feel she needs more help with the severe depression than we can offer alone, much as we will support her as much as we can.

Hoping this move will make a difference...

Sending love and good wishes to all of you for the New Year to be a turning point for all our loved ones' struggles.

xx
Mum to 17 year old daughter with AN,1 year IP from Feb 2015, discharged Feb 2016, WR but mentally nowhere near where she needs to be. Remained stable but rapid weight loss again leading to admission to specialist ED unit Sept 2016. Back round the circle...
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NELLY_UK
Take as much help as you can. Our d was discharged and we have never managed to get her back in. I wish now she had stayed and transferred units.
I don't think there is ever a perfect solution but if I was weighing up the risks of discharging her with that level of SH I would say she isn't safe to be home yet.
What do I know though!
Happy new year Hebrides xxx
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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HillBilly
Hebrides,
Is there a day programme your d could go to? Is there a particular time of day she self harms? If nights are difficult can she stay in the unit where she can be watched and supported through the night while you rest? Try and find some kind of transition option to ease your d back in to living full time in the real world. I don't think I'd worry too much about becoming institutionalised after 7 months. It's more important to ease back in than transition too rapidly. Just my thoughts!
Take care!
HillBilly (formerly registered June 2012 under another name)
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Sotired
Hi Hebrides,
My d spent 9 months away from us in total,three in the hospital,six at residential.this was the safest option for her at the time due to Sh issues as well as anorexia.she didn't become institutionalised,rather it made her determination to come home stronger.if you have a 'stepping stone' where your d can transition from where she is now to a day programme like hillbilly suggested that is great.but nelly is right too,that while there is help offered ,take it.the camhs psych unit would still give her some leave so she can use that time to practise coping at home with self harming.
We actually bribed our d re self harm-I know,sounds ridiculous,but it worked.we said if she didn't self harm for six months she could get a tattoo.she really wanted one to cover some self harm scars.with this goal in mind she managed to find other ways to cope(knitting of all things)?and we gave her permission for her tattoo.it worked,she has her tattoo,she has not harmed herself since,but is instead thinking of her next tattoo.we had to think outside the box for this one but I'm a 'whatever works' kind of woman so that's just my thought.
Sotired42
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Foodsupport_AUS
Hopefully you can find your way through this. You know you daughter best, and I think this is one of those situations where there is no right answer. My D did come home at a time when she was deeply suicidal and she was regularly self harming. She had a brief stint in a general psych. unit but found that she was getting zero support for her ED thoughts. She felt it exacerbated her misery. She knew she needed to keep on eating, and ED wise was well enough for being at home. She did require 24/7 hour supervision at home which was hard to organise. We got a new puppy, which she was responsible caring for. I organised someone to care for her when I went to work, and taking her with me even for five minutes at the shops. Just like a baby really. She did still self harm while home, on occasions daily. She has many, many scars from this. Too many to count. The depression did slowly lift, a combination of medication, weekly therapy, ongoing feeding, and working on building a life back focussing on things she had traditionally enjoyed. She spent a lot of time cuddling, and playing with the puppy, his dependence on her I felt kept her tethered to life for some time. In the end like sotired it was the desire not to have everyone see the scarring that helped her to use all of the tools she had been given to stop cutting. She has not self harmed for three years now. She has spent the last 12 months having laser therapy the worst of her scars, they are much less visible than they were (she gets keloid scarring). 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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NELLY_UK
In the uk now it is so so hard to get treatment and in the south there is only inpatient or a very very poor outpatient service.
I would say here in the uk take the best and keep hold of it once you are. Under outpatients you will be looking at a maximum of weekly therapy for an hour if that.
Then that could be cancelled due to illness or leave and it is not always good therapy.
As for treatment providers - it's the NHS so there is no choice to be made. Different geographical areas have different treatments and clinicians but it's hard to be referred out of area.
Scotland is supposed to be slightly better than Southern UK.
Take the best that's on offer. Persevere at home when she is on home leave. Good luck! X
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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Hebrides
Thanks everyone for your advice and support. D is spending her last night in the ED unit tonight and will transfer tomorrow to the CAMHS IP unit. I am reassured by responses from another FEASTIE whose D was in the same unit a year ago, and also our family therapist at CAMHS, who works closely with the new unit as it is more local (only an hour or so away! Woohoo!!)

She had 2 nights' leave this week - bad SH on the first night within an hour of getting home (this time I was better prepared with steristrips and dressings) but at least she came and told me, and she also got through the second day without SH, although she said she still felt a strong urge to cut.

Tomorrow is the start of a new phase in her recovery, so while we feel a little apprehensive of a fresh start in a new unit, we also feel a tiny bit of extremely cautious optimism that this place may be able to help her depression and SH, while still being mindful of her AN.

Fingers crossed...

xx 
Mum to 17 year old daughter with AN,1 year IP from Feb 2015, discharged Feb 2016, WR but mentally nowhere near where she needs to be. Remained stable but rapid weight loss again leading to admission to specialist ED unit Sept 2016. Back round the circle...
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OneToughMomma
Dear Hebrides,

Here's hoping you all get the support and respite that you need. Sending your family all the best for this next chapter.

xoOTM
D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
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Foodsupport_AUS
Good luck for the transition, I hope it goes well for your D and she gets the help that she needs. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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K63
Hi Hebrides , thinking of you today hope transition to new unit will be ok for your d . It will probably take her time to settle and get to know staff but that's to be expected. Hope this will be a continuation of her recovery .
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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