F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Scaredmom
Friday was my daughter's full assessment. She had lost more weight, sitting at 89 lbs. That was a 3 pound weight loss in 12 days. Low heart rate. Low blood pressure. She was able to come home on the terms that if she didn't eat well before the weekend ended, she would need to be admitted. 

Saturday, the day after her appt, went bad. She refused the food and became hysterical after drinking about an oz or so of a milkshake. She ran out barefoot into -40 celcius weather, snowstorm was going on. I quickly decided she needed to go back to the hospital so we went to emergency. We waited approx. 8 hours there before she was admitted and got a room in the children's hospital. She was calm until we got to her room and when I had to leave around midnight it was non stop crying and one of the most painful things for a mother to watch happen. My heart broke into pieces with how much pain she was going through emotionally and mentally and I cried all the way home. Next day I went to see her. She cried and cried to come home and how sorry she was and that she promised she would eat. Of course that wasn't an option. They made her sit down with a meal with a supervisor, parents not allowed and I cried more because I know how scared she was. She ate all her meals that day so she wouldn't have to get a feeding tube. But more crying and screaming and kicking happened until they said she would have to take a pill to calm. She ended up calming down so she didn't need a pill. Today was much better. She seems a bit happier and color returning to face. She will be there recovering for a few weeks and will be in there for her 15th birthday, to which she may get a day pass so I can take her out. 

I miss her Incredibly and find it hard to sleep but I am burnt out. Please send prayers for all of is. We text all day though and can call eachother. She will be ok. But a long road ahead.
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Enn

Aww scaredmom,
She is in the right place and you did the most loving thing you could do. You got your d the help she needed. This hopefully will kick start the eating and the gaining and the healing ! We needed admission one week after diagnosis and it was absolutely needed . I have no regrets.
Hold on. 

🤗🌺

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Torie
Oh dang, my heart goes out to you and your d.  I know this is a terrible, traumatic time, but I hope you can take comfort in knowing that she is receiving the care she needs.  As awful as it must be to think of her spending her birthday in this condition, please know that you are giving her the best, most important gift she will ever receive.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Enn

For you , remember she is safe. If you can learn from the ward and do some meals in hospital with your d that can be useful when you get home. 

Also it may make life a bit easier when she gets home if you make some meals and freeze them. 


Please rest and sleep and take good care of yourself. 

If you need help to sleep please talk to your doctor. Some have tried melatonin, with good effects. 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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MKR
Sending prayers to you all ❤❤❤.

Heartbreaking to hear but thank you so much for the update. 

Please try to get some rest so you can be strong for when you see your baby again.  May the recovery be steady and solid. 

❤❤❤
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Scaredmom2019
Sending hugs. Being a carer is the hardest thing I've ever faced. She is safe and getting the care she needs. You can try your best to recharge yourself. It's exhausting. When my D 17 started treatment I cried and cried and hated it. She has slowly stepped down to outpatient intensive and it is almost over. I am actually sad! The break to recharge myself and not be on the constant firing line was nice, once I accepted she was where she needed to be. Now I am nervous about taking over again. Use this time to nurture yourself and build your strength. If she wasnt crying -i would be worried. She will be ok!!!
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Scaredmom
Thank you all. She has have a sitter with her all day and night, during bathroom as well. That has now been lifted so no more sitter except when she uses bathroom. She is now allowed to go around the hospital in a wheelchair. So she is happy about that. I am happy too as I can push her around and get her out of the room. But she is still on bed rest for a while. 
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Scaredmom
Sending hugs. Being a carer is the hardest thing I've ever faced. She is safe and getting the care she needs. You can try your best to recharge yourself. It's exhausting. When my D 17 started treatment I cried and cried and hated it. She has slowly stepped down to outpatient intensive and it is almost over. I am actually sad! The break to recharge myself and not be on the constant firing line was nice, once I accepted she was where she needed to be. Now I am nervous about taking over again. Use this time to nurture yourself and build your strength. If she wasnt crying -i would be worried. She will be ok!!!


Oh wow sending hugs!!! It is indeed very hard and I can relate to needing to recharge! But that won't happen until I stop worrying about her so much right now. I know it will come. Best of luck for you and your daughter and I hope she completely recovers!! 
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needhelp
Sending you hugs.  It seems unfair that doing the right thing is often so painful - but your daughter is very fortunate that you are so determined to get rid of ED and have her back whole.
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Enn

Scaredmom wrote:
Thank you all. She has have a sitter with her all day and night, during bathroom as well. That has now been lifted so no more sitter except when she uses bathroom. She is now allowed to go around the hospital in a wheelchair. So she is happy about that. I am happy too as I can push her around and get her out of the room. But she is still on bed rest for a while. 


This team sounds really Educated! 
They are feeding her and not allowing unnecessary caloric expenditure!
My d earned her 'wheelchair walks" in the hospital.  I could take her off the ward and we would zoom around. 
Although she was so ill those were times when we reconnected and they are very dear memories for me. That is when I could see that she was really there. 
XX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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mnmomUSA
You've got this.  I know EXACTLY where you are.  I was there 7 years ago...leaving my baby behind in a hospital room, crying and begging me to take her home.  But, she was where she needed to be, and your daughter is too.  Think of this as the beginning of the end...although, not lying...it's a long road.  There will be bumps and hurdles along the way.  But, you can get there.  Persistent focus on the goal.  You will get there.  Sending love and light.
D, age 18, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)  D at college and doing great!
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Barberton
Sending hugs from Australia. It sounds like you got your d into a safe place. Be strong and tell yourself it will not be like this forever. Do what you need to now to get to where you need to be. My thoughts are with you.
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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ValentinaGermania
She seems to be in a good place and she is safe now. Try to reload your batteries now, you will need all your power when she comes home again. Do something nice for yourself now, that is really important.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn
Hi scaredmom,
Just thinking of you. How is it going?
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Scaredmom
Enn wrote:
Hi scaredmom,
Just thinking of you. How is it going?


Oh I'm a mess haha. I miss my daughter terribly. Just want her home with me. And she still cries to come home and hates it there. But she does seem in better spirits at times and I catch a glimpse of the real her coming back...how she used to joke and be silly. Been months and months since I seen that girl! She had lost 3 lbs since Saturday, which puts her at 86 lbs. I am scared her body is hyper metabolizing. Or is this normal? She is eating all her meals and snacks. Today was rough for me and just wanted to cry all day. But I get to see her again this weekend which I can't wait for!
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Enn

The weight loss is concerning . The goal is weight gain ASAP. Do they discuss their plans for her with you? The data does suggest that quick weight gain is good for getting her better faster. I do hope they talk to you regularly. Is there an ED specialist on the team? 
i hope with the weight loss they increase the calories, at least 200 cal per day every few days to get the weight up. 

l am sorry you are hurting . It is so tough. It really stinks.
Sending a hug 🤗 and some flowers .
💐

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Scaredmom
Enn wrote:

The weight loss is concerning . The goal is weight gain ASAP. Do they discuss their plans for her with you? The data does suggest that quick weight gain is good for getting her better faster. I do hope they talk to you regularly. Is there an ED specialist on the team? 
i hope with the weight loss they increase the calories, at least 200 cal per day every few days to get the weight up. 

l am sorry you are hurting . It is so tough. It really stinks.
Sending a hug 🤗 and some flowers .
💐

Thank you. Yes there is an ED specialist. And so far the plan is just food increase as I guess they start her off lower and build up. I pray so hard she doesn't have any more weight loss. I am not sure when the next update from her doctor is. But her heart has returned to a safe rate. It blood pressure still low. And she is still in wheelchair but I am now allowed to supervise her meals when I can!

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ValentinaGermania
No kid should lose weight in an IP setting and this can be hyper metablism or loopholes that are not closed already.
I go with ENN, please talk to the team about that. Weight gain is most important now, the faster the better.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Scaredmom
No kid should lose weight in an IP setting and this can be hyper metablism or loopholes that are not closed already.
I go with ENN, please talk to the team about that. Weight gain is most important now, the faster the better.


Just been told she is at 91 lbs now!!! ☺️☺️☺️
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ValentinaGermania
So is it gain now or was the information wrong? I hope it is gain!!!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Scaredmom
So is it gain now or was the information wrong? I hope it is gain!!!


Yes it is gain now!! 
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Enn
Aah that is amazing!!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Scaredmom
Enn wrote:
Aah that is amazing!!


Yes it is!! My heart just felt so full hearing that she gained weight! It's a good start
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Foodsupport_AUS
No kid should lose weight in an IP setting and this can be hyper metablism or loopholes that are not closed already.
I go with ENN, please talk to the team about that. Weight gain is most important now, the faster the better.


Interestingly we had this numerous times whilst hospitalised for instability. Each time due to hypermetabolism. The protocol was twice weekly weigh ins with a weight gain expectation of 1kg or more per week. Meal plans jumped by 500cal per day for each level. My D consistently would start on a meal plan and gain weight well initially. If the gain was less than 500g per weigh in they moved up a meal plan.  Around day 10 (we had 10 admissions) she would either lose weight or stay the same. Each and every time. She then moved up a meal plan and would gain again. She would sometimes have to move up one more level but it seems as though with good feeding it would take her 10 days to kick into hypermetabolism. 

The most important part of lack of gain is that this is feedback - whether inpatient or outpatient. As mentioned there are only two options - loopholes -hiding food, purging, exercise -or hypermetabolism. The safest bet is to assume the latter and look for the former. The worst that can happen is they gain weight faster.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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