F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Francie
Hi Everyone, it has been a long time since I posted any updates. Over the last couple of years our D has engaged in PHP for about 6 months (made some progress in weight gain and curbing the binge/purge cycle), and has engaged and left other rounds of PHP and IOP treatment. Another trip to residential at Monte Nido Laurel Hill (where she was symptom free and ate everything they put in front of her). Is now engaged with a new OP therapist and APRN, who my H and I think are good. She will tomorrow engage with a new Dietician. She needs another trip to residential but she is not accepting of that at this time. We are all doing our best to encourage recovery.

Over this time the things that have been helpful are that we have learned a lot about Boundaries (for us, they're not brick walls with a pack of guard dogs on the other side, more like a picket fence with a gate), Encouragement (thank you for all the loving advice I've received here, you know who you are ÃƒÆ’°Å¸ËœËœ). One new thing we are doing is I am waking my daughter early in the morning to give her a bowl of loaded oatmeal. She keeps this meal (doesn't purge), and it makes me feel like we are getting somewhere and that she is accepting of nourishment and help.

Things that have been important to us in this journey is: 
  1. keeping the lines of communication open with our D, being loving and telling her every day that we love her.
  2. Insisting on treatment, at least OP.
  3. Letting our D feel the consequences of her actions.
  4. It has taken me since 2012 but I am finally not afraid of ED. I think that was a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE barrier in my being able to have any success at home. If you are afraid of ED please talk about it here or on one of the FB groups because if you are like me that will be a huge barrier to your success. Other barriers to success are GUILT and SHAME. These are things to work on if you are feeling any of these feelings.  
  5. Also, what has been helpful is getting on the same page with my H. This has meant that I have to go along with him at times even though I feel I am more knowledgeable about ED, because I've read more. But my H is more knowledgeable about what makes my daughter tick so I must work with him. We have found a good way of working together, finally.
  6. Having gratitude on a daily basis. I am grateful my daughter is alive and lives with us. I am grateful for this forum and the FB groups (which I spend more time on now).  I am grateful for my Alanon sponsor, friends, and meetings and readings.
I haven't posted here for awhile but I have not forgotten this group at all. I am hopeful that you are all doing well with your situations.

I feel a sense of optimism that perhaps I have no right to feel as my D is still very symptomatic, but we all are doing the best we can and I believe in her ability to recover.   


---  With much love and appreciation for all of you. XO

Francie

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sandie

Thank you so much for your thoughtful update Francie. I am glad that your D is accepting your loving help and your sense of hope and optimism is energising, and in my humble opinion, yes you do absolutely have the right to feel. 

Thank you so much for sharing the things you have learnt on your journey. What a wonderful list- I need to reflect on for the New Year. As definitely more work needed here to eliminate fear of ED and get on same page as H anyway. 

I wonder what you mean by letting your D experience the consequences of her actions?

Sending you a big hug. Xxx

 

Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
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Francie
Hi Sandie, Thank you for your response. Here are some examples of what I mean by letting our D experience the consequences of her actions:
  • She sometimes binges and purges food meant to be enjoyed and eaten by the family. She has to reimburse us for that food.
  • If she spends time bingeing and purging during the day we consider her not healthy enough to be driving our car so she needs to find her own ride to work.
  • She had to drop college courses because drug use and ED were preventing her from completing courses. She pays us back on a monthly basis for the tuition we lost for those dropped courses.
  • She cleans up any messes from purging.

Francie

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Kookaburra
Hi Francie,
thank you for sharing your tips, I really appreciate them, as I’m sure other newbies do too. (We are only 6 months into our nightmare). You sound so calm after such a long and still ongoing battle, I hope I can start to emulate that soon. Thanks again,
Kookaburra
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PurpleRain
Hi Francie, I have read some of your older posts, so nice to hear from you. I'm grateful that you shared with us what you've find useful. I also find my Alanon group so so helpful. I am a long time member of Alanon, before I married and had kids, it has always been helpful and a great source of support and even though I don't specifically talk about ED in the meetings I feel it helps me with my feelings about it. 
Thanks for your post, I hope that 2020 would be a better year for you and your family. 
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Thank you for sharing Francie. You have been a tireless supporter of your D over the years. I trust that with your help she will surely get to a state that leads to health and happiness. Your tips to what is working for you are really helpful. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Lexi123
Francie,

I’m new here (but not new to ED) and wanted to say thank you for posting this update along with some of what has worked for you. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, do you have any advice on how to stop my D from bingeing and purging? Right now she isn’t bingeing so much but will eat an amount that she thinks is too much and then purge. She isn’t living with me, but I do know she is purging when she’s visiting us at home. The needing to pay back the money for bingeing and purging on food meant for the family is a good idea. Anything that has helped her not purge? I’m so glad your d is accepting the nourishment along with your help. Sending a big hug!
D is 23 with restrictive anorexia since age 13. Purging tendencies shortly there after. Currently underweight and struggling with restricting as well as purging. 
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Francie
Hi Lexi,
Unfortunately, I have not been successful in stopping my daughter from purging. If my daughter has it in her mind to purge she is going to do it. I can't stop it. What we have been able to do is to reduce the frequency, severity, and length of time spent purging, and it is through the things I mentioned in my post above. Boundaries, Consequences, Support. And also feeding her the loaded oatmeal (loaded with nuts, nut butters) means she wakes up not so hungry and not so inclined to binge and purge first thing in the morning. We are also having her bloods monitored by her pediatrician on a regular basis. My d doesn't want to see her blood potassium dip down so that is helping her curb her behaviors.

One thing we tried in the past which curbed purging for awhile was take her to the emergency room if she purged. Another thing that helped for awhile was a prescription for Naltrexone, which curbed it for a few weeks. My daughter's liver enzymes became elevated so the Naltrexone was stopped. For awhile our D was compliant with waiting an hour to use the bathroom.

Perhaps you might post that question as a topic and some wiser carers will have answers for you.

One wise carer on this forum mentioned that the binge/purge cycle is self perpetuating. If my D were fully nourished and weight-restored, that would take hunger out of the equation and would reduce binge/purge urges. My daughter is about 15 lbs. underweight so she has a long way to go before eliminating hunger as a reason to binge and purge.

Here are some resources that you might find helpful in reducing or eliminating purging for your daughter:
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/how-to-prevent-purging-6245550?trail=25#gsc.tab=0
http://canped.ca/resources/documents/module4.pdf (go straight to page 20 for tips on preventing purging)
https://www.guilford.com/books/Treating-Bulimia-in-Adolescents/Grange-Lock/9781606233511/reviews



I am sorry I couldn't be of more help. I am hopeful that you will find what works for you and your daughter. Keep posting, Keep Hoping!! Recovery is possible! XO

Francie

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Lexi123
Thank you for much for all this important Francie. I took a look at the links you posted and they’re really helpful. My daughter is also a decent amount underweight so I think it’s related to the restriction and not being at her WR weight. Everything you’ve said is really helpful and I am appreciate of you! I will make a new post to hopefully get some other ideas and hear experiences from others. Best of luck!! XO
D is 23 with restrictive anorexia since age 13. Purging tendencies shortly there after. Currently underweight and struggling with restricting as well as purging. 
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Francie
Hi Lexi, You are so welcome. I forgot to add that regular meals/snacks every 2-3 hours helps keep the binge monster at bay. I wish you the best! XO

Francie

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Lexi123
francie you are the best. Thank you!
D is 23 with restrictive anorexia since age 13. Purging tendencies shortly there after. Currently underweight and struggling with restricting as well as purging. 
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melstevUK
Hi Francie,

What a wonderful update.  I am really happy that you are finding out what works for you in your particular situation.  I honestly believe that your d will recover one day, even if you still have a few years to battle on.

You sound so calm and that is a blessing as I know you have had some really traumatic experiences along this journey.

Your update is testimony to what everyone needs to hear - that we all have to find out WHAT WORKS FOR US, and that may be radically different to methods other people have used.  Every parent or carer's advice and suggestions are useful and valid but we must all be careful that what worked for us may not work for other families.  I know that my long wait and cooperative approach with my d were often seen as the wrong way of going about things - but we did not have access to FBT in the early years and were undermined by many clinicians along the way and I simply could not enforce weight gain in any shape or form throughout her illness, once 'control' was lost.  Yet she recovered - your unfailing support and love and determination will see your d through.  

Big hugs to you.

Mel xxx

Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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Francie

Hi Melstev, Kookaburra, Purple Rain, Foodsupport_AUA, Lexi, Sandie, Thank you for responding to my posting. I feel validated!! ðŸ˜˜

I honestly believe my daughter will recover, eventually, and her dad and I tell her that often.

I am hopeful for full recovery and joy for each and every one of you. Thank you again for your positive feedback. It means a lot. XO

Francie

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MKR
Keep filling your daughter's ears with recovery! That may become her default  thinking. And the ED voice is being drowned out, doesn't have much chance 😉.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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