F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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OneToughMomma

We’ve finally done it.  Our girl has left for college.  H and I remarked last night to one another that there were times that we feared she would never make it.  There were times when we thought she would die, or run away from us and never come back.

 

We think she developed ED about a decade ago, at the age of 8.  We found FBT at the end of 2013 (aged 16) and thankfully it worked for us when other treatment paradigms had failed. 

 

So now our happy, excited girl has gone into the big world.

 

Is she ‘cured’? ‘normal’?  Well, none of her classmates waited a year after high school and then had a minimum weight before they could leave home. None saw a doctor (who would email her parents) before they saw their accommodation.  None of those kids had a weigh-in 3 days after arriving. I’m guessing few of them talk to their mothers about carbs and protein, calories and weight in quite the same way we do.

 

She knows that if she loses weight we will fly down and bring her back home.  From the time we began to really understand ED’s, we have always put her heath first above all else.  Money spent, time invested, education be damned.  Nothing is more important than her health.

 

We are filled with hope and confidence, now, however.  She knows that otherwise we never would have let her go.  That gives her the confidence to believe she can do it.  And maybe that gives her the strength to fight any residual ED she might have, knowing that succumbing to his siren call means giving up the exciting future she has ahead.

 

I’m not writing this to brag, though I am immensely proud of her. 

 

I’m writing to let everyone in the trenches to know that it is possible to dig your way out, one meal at a time.

 

And I’m writing to offer suggestions about how to send an ex-ED kid off into the world.  This isn’t the only way, and we don’t yet know if it will work, but things look pretty good right now.

 

xoOTM

 

 

D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
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Torie
Oh yay, OTM! Thanks for the positive post! Good news like this gives the rest of us hope. Well done!

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Psycho_Mom
Yay!!! Congratulations!!

You know our d's have a similar timeline, and we are planning to send our d off to college in Sept also, so your post (as all your previous ones) has extra meaning for me. 

And now you get to stay home, without her. Which I am anticipating is going to be....a huge relief, but also terribly difficult for us parents.

Take care, keep busy, let us know how things are going.

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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trusttheprocessUSA
Ahhhhhhh.....perfect timing. This is just the kind of hope I need to be confident about allowing my son look at universities. Thank you for sharing. Boy howdy did I need to hear your words.
Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
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K63
Hi onetoughmomma , a big well done to you. You must be so happy that she is heading off to college. It must have been a long struggle especially not getting the help which you needed when your d was younger. I am so happy for ye hope college goes well for your d and that you can enjoy your time too. It gives me hope that we too can get to this stage with our d. Thanks for your post.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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claretre
So delighted to hear your news! I hope you can have some much-needed 'me' time. You thoroughly deserve it!
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sk8r31
Doing the 'happy dance' and fist bumping/pumping for you!

It is a wonderful marker of good robust health for your d to be able to set off on this new life adventure.

And huge kudos to you OTM, for all your hard work in getting her to this healthy place.

I also know that you have a good safety net in place, and have done your best to ensure that the transition will be a smooth one.

There may be a bump or two along the way, but that is the nature of life and recovery.  You are all in a really good place now, and I couldn't be happier for you all.

YAY...hope you can celebrate this new stage....
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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alwaysvigilantCAN
[thumb] Hoping all goes well for your family!
5 years in active recovery; With many, many days of full nutrition and closed loopholes, insight, life experiences and brain maturity we are slowly loosening the safety net
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hopefulmama
Wonderful news OTM!!!
Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
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HateEDwithApassion
Congratulations! Tears of joy for you and your D. Your story is precious because it gives all of us who are wondering if things will ever get better/halfway normal a small sliver of hope to hang onto when days are dark. Thank you for that. I'm grateful. Now enjoy!!
19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
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goodenoughmum
Yay!!!!! Such achievement! You have every right to be proud of what has been accomplished!
Also be proud of yourselves! The energy, commitment, the emotional toll ED has on ourselves, our children and our relationships is devastating!
Your positive chapter has reinvigorated our hope!
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Calm_USA
So happy for you all.  GREAT work!  Your comment about confidence, both yours and hers, really resonated with me.  My daughter is now in her second semester at an out of state university.  She will be the first to tell you that it is only because she was in good health with a proven track record of proper eating to maintain that health that we all had the confidence to let her go.  She is thriving and so excited about the educational opportunities she has, including as a research assistant.  What I am most proud of though is her willingness to speak up and seek out help when she needs it.  She noticed an uptick in her anxiety levels (pre-existing to ED) and on her own made an appointment with psychologist and checked in with her psychiatrist.  To see her take charge of her health is an absolute blessing.  Wishing you the same blessing......and you are going to LOVE having the house to yourselves.  It's amazing how much cleaner it stays when they are not there!
Mom of a 19 yr old. RAN diagnosed 1/2014. Residential, PHP, IOP. W/R since late summer 2014. Now in remission and thriving in her second year at university. My Faith remains.
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pipes2406
How happy you must be! Well done to you and your beautiful daughter. That does give me hope that there is light at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel!
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