F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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KP Show full post »
Mamaroo
I'm  glad to hear she was admitted. She is now at a safe place where they can feed and monitor  her. Try and recharge your batteries and doing something non ED.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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deenl
Hi KP,

Very glad to hear that your daughter is in a safe place

Our son was in hospital 5 min away, my husband and I were very involved in supervising his meals. In fact, we were much better than the nurses/attendants who are not aware of how much the ED anxiety drives our kids to be sneaky and hide food in napkins, sleeves, laps, cheeks for spitting out later etc. It was absolutely helpful practice for when we got home.

I have found it completely useless to talk to my son in any way about food. It increases his stress and anxiety and he focuses on any little thing which later becomes a big fight. In the beginning he did find it upsetting but when he brought it up, I would keep repeating something along the lines of 'This conversation is not helpful to you at the moment. Did you hear on the radio that ...? (or some other distraction)

I have a warm, open and affectionate relationship with all my kids. I was still warm and affectionate with my son while he was ill but the emotional dysregulation caused by malnutrition meant that he could not respond. In fact, as his health improved, his reaction to me deterioriated. It was almost as if all the fear, anxiety, disguist became focused on me. It was very unpleasant and painful but I was glad that he wasn't focusing it all on himself - I could take it. And you will be glad to hear that as we came out the other side, our relationship improved again. 

I find this video an excellent explanation of how our kids are feeling underneath.

And this blog post helped me a lot with my own emotions.

When my son was in-patient, I found it very helpful to learn as much as I could about the illness and to stock the freezer with nutritionally dense food so I always had something to serve.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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KP
Also, did you eat in front of them at this stage? how did you manage whether to talk about food? I hadn’t realised how often it comes up in stories until now!! 
Thanks xx
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KP
Thanks Deenl. That is so helpful to hear some of the strategies you used. She has already started trying to bargain with me about what she eats when she gets home. I will certainly use the phrase you did and change topic. 
She was restrained and ng Fed this morning, but ate her lunch and evening meal, including puddings, which she has always disliked. It has been a hard and emotional day, but massive progress made and we saw the psychiatrist from the Ed team too. 
Thanks all for your support :-)) It is absolutely invaluable right now! 
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deenl
There is a very steep and emotional learning curve, that's for sure.

Might I recommend a book that is very easy to dip into and will give you a great framework for when you get home? It is When Your Teen has an Eating Disorder by Lauren Muhlheim. I think that you will get wonderful insight, support and tips there. 

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Enn
When my d was in IP I was encouraged by the team to sit with d and feed her. The hospital was 1 hr drive one way. When I was there I was to sit with her and watch her eat. My d was very compliant in IP. Over time the graduated the meals so that I brought a meal or two from home (lasagna) and ate with her. Then we moved to the Ronald McDonald room on the floor and I bought a cafeteria meal for us. 
When she got home, well,that is when the violence and screaming and refusing of food started. 
We did not talk about food and or weight.
We have always eaten as a family and that is what they wanted us to do. The older siblings were to distract her. 
We found that we had to be silent when she ate. We even had to avert our eyes from her.
they are all so different.
you will figure it out. It just takes time.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
Also the video Eating Disorder Meal Support on YouTube was very helpful. My daughter needed to know in advance what she had to eat and than at meal time it was not negotiable. She still has the same basic meal plan. Other people use magic plate and serve the food without telling their child in advance. You have to figure out what will work for you and your child. You can just tell your daughter she will eat at home the same as in the hospital (I hope they are feeding her enough). Maybe you can make sure she is up to an adequate general meal plan while she is there and keep that routine at home.
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KP
Deenl - someone else recommended that book too and it has been delivered at home, waiting for me. You’re right, it’s such a hard steep learning curve. 

Scared mom - that sounds so hard. I am dreading the transition to home when we get to that stage. Sounds so Bloomin hard for you. The ward staff sat with her today, but we are going to take over tomorrow. She has just asked for some milk though and declared earlier that “it’s kind of nice to eat food again”. Probably hoping too much, but this was amazing to hear. 

debra - thank you. I have watched that video and will definitely be using that approach if the Ed team agree. We’ll see. They said there would be a transition period and as long as she sticks to the plan, that can move quite fast (they said 1-2 weeks, as long as she is medically stable). 

Thank you all again xx
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Ortho7
Hi Kp
i was just wondering how your daughter is getting on. 
Is she still in hospital?
luckily my daughter never got admitted into hospital although we were extremely close to that point so I can't answer any of your questions about their refeeding regime. 
Yes we ate all meals together at home and we eat the same food. I even snack when she does.
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KP
Hi
Thabk you for thinking of us 
We are still in hospital, but hoping to be home tomorrow. Have had several meals at home, which have been okay, but lots of anxiety and anger after eating. 
She is having lots of tummy pain, but I gather that is to be expected and should decrease over time. For now, I feel we are making progress and have good support from the local ED team ready to start on discharge. 
Feeling in such a better place than we were just a week ago. 
Now the hard work of feeding at home starts! 
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deenl
Hi KP,

Wishing you all the best on the transition home. 

Just remember that ED may try to challenge you when your daughter gets home. I found that if I said in a light tone 'Nope, sorry, you did/ate it in hospital/on holidays/in grannys, you can here too' and moved on as if fully expecting that he would comply was enough to stop the challenges. Although it didn't work all the time and I was luckier than some who's kids push back more strongly.

Have the team done some scenario planning with you for the most common issues; food refusal, refusal to go to appointments or violence, for example? I am afraid that my motto is expect the best but prepare for the worst. I did find that I felt on firmer ground when I knew my options. I used to say that we had a Plan A, B and C but given the surprises ED can throw at us often used Plan WTF and FFS! But the planning achieved it's purpose of calming me, having my husband and I on the same page ahead of time, liasing with the team organised and the WTF and FFS usually consisted of bits of al the other plans.

Hoping that it goes well,


D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Quote

        

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