F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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mamabear

I was reading my journal today. 4 months ago toady, my D was banging her head against the window and screaming that she wanted to die. "The voice" telling her the only way out was through death. OCD through the roof, had not sat down in months and months. Weight had dropped to a 15.2BMI. Today, 4 months later, my D is 25 lbs heavier, OCD gone, excelling in school, whole new group of friends, having a birthday party, sleepovers,  eating out and fear foods all gone. We still have some issues....tummy troubles some days, still sleeping in our room, but heck- 4 months ago I had a severly mentally ill, physically dying child in front of me. The D that I knew was gone, buried inside of the monster that comsumed her. She is back. We are so very proud of her and of ourselves and our two other  kids. Please do not give up. It is possible to do this and to beat this. The days can last forver, but it is worth it........weeping tears of joy. D asked for ravioli for dinner and bread. TAKE THAT ED. Sometimes we all need to hear happy stories.... I hope to God to never be back here again with anything but.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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Harmony

have tears in my eyes, that is incredible and gives me hope...well done!

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Dreamer

Thank you so much mamabear, fantastic to read. Dream.

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AnnieK_USA
Keep that happy story coming, mamabear. Everyone needs to see it, early and often, especially the new posters. Everytime I think about how your journey is turning out, I smile and give a mental fist pump!
Daughter age 28, restrictive anorexia (RAN) age 11-18, then alternating RAN with binge eating disorder and bulimia with laxatives, is in remission from EDs for 3 years after finally finding effective individual therapy. Treatment continues for comorbid disorders of anxiety, ADD and depression. "Perseverance, secret of all triumphs." Victor Hugo
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Keepers

We DO need to hear happy recovery stories, thanks for keeping us up to date mamabear you do give me hope.

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Stubbornmum
Mama bear, this is the greatest gift.

Thank you for posting this a brave thing you do, the strength you have shown is inspirational to others who come seeking assistance.

It's tough love, and love can be tough, you cannot walk away.

You Rock!!!
Courage is being afraid, but going on anyhow ( Dan Rather)
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RachaelC

I love hearing about your success story mamabear!

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Louie
Momentous work. Heroic.
I am in awe.
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mamabear

This disease is so frustrating. Although D is doing great and the progress has been fast and furious, the past few days we noticed little changes in her face and in behavior. She has been asking more about food and not as excited about eating. Sure enough- weighed and measured her this am and she has grown 1 inch and lost 3 lbs. Our guts were right- this is good news though- her body is finally growing again........she has been the same height for a long time........she literally grew an inch in the past 2 weeks..........but now we need to up the cals again. It just proves again to follow your gut and to make sure there is extra weight for growth. We had a few extra lbs but her body used it all up in a hurry! OK- off to the grocery store to replenish the butter and cream supplies.  

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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1997mom_CAN
Mamabear,
I remember being where you are last year. My d, too, got so much better with w/r and started growing like a weed. It was really hard to keep ahead of it and we had a few times like you where it seems like she grew an inch overnight and I'd start to see subtle behavior changes. (Plus puberty!) Kudos you're so tuned in to her that it's not getting ahead of you.
For us, this was a problem for about 9 months while she grew about 4" in total. She's still growing now, but not so rapidly, and for the first time ever I'm seeing her fill out a bit before she grows upward. She seems to have a better sense of her body now and recently said to me "Mama, I think I'm growing again because I'm extra hungry. I need a really big snack tonight." I almost cried because I never thought I'd hear that! I don't know whether it's easier now because massive growth is done, or because she's been at a healthy weight for over a year now and her brain has had time to heal ... probably a combination of both. Just wanted to let you know that there is hope that you won't be dealing with this frustration forever!
You are doing a fantastic job.
1997mom Ontario, Canada
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mamabear

Thanks 1997 mom. I am weeping. I feel like I let her down. I cannot beleive that we let this sneak up on us like this. We should have kept pushing the high calories...I got complacent. I am so tired.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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LauraCollins_US
Mamabear,

Pace yourself. This is not an illness you beat and then walk into the sunset. This is an illness that can beat you (not advised), or you beat it by not just reaching a milestone but re-framing the future. She has this predisposition and it means a different lifestyle. Your dear one will need ordered, supported upbringing and oversight to make sure she stays on the path of wellness and that ED doesn't get a chance to get his grubby fingers back in the door. I don't meant that she'll be ill, just that without monitoring and guidance the door will be wide open for ED. You are just very early into stabilization.

The good news is you turned it around and GOT to stabilization. Most families don't, frankly. They get bossed around by ed, don't get clinical support or good information, and limp into young adulthood with a chronically ill person who they think is their real child. You got the right information and did the right things and no longer have an ongoing nightmare and no direction. That is absolute success. Now you enter the phase of retaining that success with a moving target. It gets easier, but it is important not to set your sights on letting go and living as if it didn't - and couldn't - happen. The second and third phases of FBT are just as important as the first!
Laura (Collins) Lyster-Mensh
F.E.A.S.T. Executive Director
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mamabear

Thanks Laura- I could not agree more. She just suddenly grew so insanely fast as if overnight. We are on top of it. It will not come back into my house again.......I realize this is a marathon and not a sprint. thank God for my husband and support of this forum.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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Charlotte_UK
Mamabear

Every sympathy from here.  I have walked in your shoes - we did 5 inches in a year and it was utterly exhausting.  It sounds as if you are on top of it but boy, is it a blow.  Just think of FEEDBACK NOT FAILURE.  Next time you will know.

Keep on keeping on, my friend.

xx
Mother, wife, farmer, C of C and M Productions
http://www.youtube.com/user/CandMedPRODUCTIONS#p/u
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mamabear

Thank you thank you thank you........for all of the kind words and encouragment. D is playing with a friend downstairs- having a milkshake. I handed them each a chocolate shake and her friend said "Hooray! Yummy!". It was perfect! We have come so far. Even 2 months ago she could not have had a shake with a friend. Dinner in the oven, cherry bars made, chicken salad made for tomorrow. I will keep up the fight- forever.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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mamabear

3500 cals in yesterday. Had a friend over and had fun, although D had an accident and pooped her pasnts.  We discretely took care of it- the friend never knew. D held it together. The med she is on for her constipations ometimes hits her really fast. We had a good night and she ate what was asked of her and slept hard. This am her tummy hurt and she did not want to go to school. I told her she could stay home but that she would have breakfast now and I would wake her up for a snack at 10am. Eating does not stop, even with a tummyache. She ate it and about 15 mins later said she thought she could go to school. I packed her a lunch and snack and she went. I have had no calls so I am assuming she is doing OK. Thank God it is Friday. It is time for summer. She is growing so fast that her legs ache and she needs more sleep. It will be interesting to see what she looks like a year from now. Time to leap from kid to young woman in an instant. This is hard but we have made so much progress. She knows that food is the medicine she needs. She sees her kitten growing and gaining wieght- from2 to 7 lbs in 3 months. She knows that her body needs fuel to grow to her potential.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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cheryls
Mamabear, it is so wonderful to be able to bask in the recovery of our children.  Your D sounds like she is doing absolutely great and you should enjoy the Heck out of it.  Of course, like the experienced parents on the site have said, and you seem to understand, stay on your toes, stay vigilant and don't jump off a cliff if suddenly, or slowly, things don't stay sunny.  Enjoy the good days, and be prepared for the bad ones.  Just like life, I suppose.  You will always know that you have gained the tools to fight this thing head-on, no matter what the future brings.  I am truly happy for you and your family...Good for you all!!!
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mamabear

Today we got tons of cals in again. D had a pretty bad tummy again tonight. She laid on my lap and I just sang to her and rubber her. It SUCKS to have to force your child to eat when you know they are in pain and full. She was on me like a toddler today. She wanted met to design wither her, play basketball with her, hottub with her, watch the new Justin Bieber movie with her etc. If I even went to pee she was trying to find me. I think once my H gets home and has a nap tomorrow (he works 24 hr shifts), I am going to get out of here for e few hours. It is so funny how D says things like "I want privacy and I do not want to talk about food" and then will not leave me alone for 2 seconds and wants to know what I had for lunch.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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Keepers

I think it is so great you got the kitten and your d can see and understand "a body needs fuel to grow to it's potential". My d was like a sunburn with me last summer - now she can't handle it if I touch her when handing over her meds! I give the meds to her now in a 2 ounce cup, she gingerly takes the cup from the upper rim so she doesn't have to touch me then after taking them tosses the empty 2 ounce cup back to me - sometimes I actually miss the sunburn period of last summer! You are amazing and your d is so so lucky to have you. I hope you do get a chance to get away for a few hours after your h gets home and has a rest.

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mamabear

I am really sick of "playing" with my kids. How horrible does that sound? It is like she is 3 again and trying to keep her 7 year old bro and her happy is dirivng me nuts right now. Rainy and cold outside. Nobody likes any of my suggestions.......legos, playdough, games etc. Today I wish I had a relative nearby so we could get out of here.  Sorry- just needed to whine.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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IdgieThreadgood7USA
Hey Mamabear, I hear you. I remember times when my daughters Ed voice was so draining. I actually felt sorry for myself! I had to form a mental mantra to keep from saying what iwas thinking. My once seemingly strong hard driving daughter was reduced to a clingy, insecure crying mess and my attempt at calm therapeutic intervention wore thin and was sometimes seemingly marginally helpful. It was definitely those times that I needed some space. Not necessarily hours( although I dreamed of those but even one hour to myself was a reliief. I remember feeling badly for wishing if she could just listen and get it but when we had our calm away from each other time I was much better at coping. This is the long haul. You are one amazing family! You have researched and jumped in and stood by your daughter through all the crap and pain and suffering. The reward is a great one but its an up and down road, a long one at that. I remember hating hearing that, even somehow thinking that we would be different. This is a learning and growing process for the whole family. sometimes what seems to be a setback becomes a great force in forward movement and change. Ive experienced this with my daughter.
Hang in there my friend, and whine all you want. Sometimes you need to blow it off!
"Sometimes you just have to be your own hero"
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mamabear

Yeah- it is just unatural that I am her best friend- being that she is entering middle school. She is doing so great- but not ready to just full on knock on the neighborhood kids doors and ask to play ball. I am just sick of not getting to be a grown up.........at the same time sick of being a grown up and having this huge responsibility on my shoulders. I just wnat a day to dress up, put in heels, go out on the town, have a drink or two, etc. Not going to happen for a long long time. Ugh.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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mamabear

Third day back at 3500 cals plus and her face looks different already and her butt. Amazing what food can do. Just wish I was not the one who had to make it all.........sick of it. Sorry- one of those days.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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creamlady
Hey mama bear- I can completely relate to everything you say. My 12 year old d is doing everything that yours is doing. As puberty comes along the nutrition requirements are in high gear. I think we parents of the younger ones (my d is in 6thgrade) have some things easier but the amount of food required is much more. In that respect we have to work more to get the higher calories in and it stays that way for a long time. My d starting restricting a year ago in 5th grade. I haven't really relaxed during this entire year so I get it when you say you just want your life back. I know it will happen - keep going. We can do this!
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mamabear

So very very hard to make a kid eat when they feel so crappy. My heart was breaking today. D had not pooped again in 3 days- tummy rolling. Got extra meds on board and had a little progress. But even with 4 days of high cals again- we can physically see a difference and even though she had a tummy ache, she understands that food is the only way out of this mess. I pray to God that the tummy aches stop. It is brutal.

Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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