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makeherwell

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Reply with quote  #1 
I have been reading all the words of wisdom here for a couple of months but first post. I can’t tell you how much inspiration, comfort and guidance I get from you all. Our story - D16, diagnosed exactly at year ago with RAN and was admitted to hospital for 2 weeks with low heart rate. After lot of ups and downs (including some time where my sister stepped in to help), my D almost got to goal weight set by the paediatrician at end of Jan 2018. In hindsight, we let go of the reins to quickly and she went back to school after holidays with unsupervised snack and lunch and some physical activity (I hadn’t found this forum then!). Long story short, she ended up back in hospital in July again for low heart rate. We thought she had only dropped a couple of kgs but she had been masking a much bigger weight loss (I think through water loading). My h and I reset when she came home in July but I feel things slowly slipping again. She is weighed weekly by CAMHS and they are not concerned but I know she is losing weight and feel she must be ‘faking’ it again. What should I do? Being weighed absolutely terrifies her but I think I need to do a surprise weigh in in the morning to find out what is really going on. Her distress is so scary and our 2 younger sons hate the yelling that is involved. Her mental state is not great - she is hiding and spitting out food, mostly the last mouth full. The only saving grace is she loves school and her friends so we have that as leverage but it is really hard to follow through because she eats well at school (we supervise the meals there again) and will refuse to eat if she doesn’t go!! Sorry about the rambling - it’s just so nice to get it off my chest. I’m not even sure now what my question is! I just want to keep her out of hospital and move forward to recovery. I feel like we are just treading water and it will always be this way. We never seem to be able to get weight on her (maintain or lose) despite 3 meals and 3 snacks - any gain has been in the hospital or at my sisters house. We have been watching her closely and haven’t seen signs of purging but I can’t be 100% sure. Any ideas on how to get “unstuck” from this in between world?
Torie

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hello and welcome.

I wonder if you are feeding your d full-fat dairy products (milk, yogurt, ice cream if she will take that).  If so, you can add a little cream to her milk starting with a tiny amount and gradually increasing.  You can add a surprising amount of rapeseed oil to yogurt without changing flavor or texture if you stir it in vigorously.  There are some great high calorie threads that can help create enough calories, but still with a small footprint so she doesn't feel overwhelmed by a mountain of food.

I think your plan is spot on to do a surprise weigh in.

Quote:
Originally Posted by makeherwell
The only saving grace is she loves school and her friends so we have that as leverage but it is really hard to follow through because she eats well at school (we supervise the meals there again) and will refuse to eat if she doesn’t go!!


What I learned here is to say, "As soon as you have finished your breakfast, you can go to school."  That worked really well in the Torie household.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like. xx

-Torie

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Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #3 
Welcome to the forum. 

This is an illness that seems to last for ever. There is an end in sight but it is a way down the track. You have done a great job already, readmitted her to hospital as needed and seem to be able to help her maintain her weight. You are also aware of what motivations there are to help her move forward. 

If school is a motivation then I would use it as Torie has said. 
If she is not gaining weight then there are two options - you are not feeding her enough, or she is losing that energy somewhere else. The losing could be through secret exercise, purging, dumping food. 

Increasing her intake is the obvious way forward along with looking out for loop holes. Use the high calorie threads, add in some boosters to start to see some real gain happening. 

I wouldn't necessarily bother with the surprise weigh in. She needs to be gaining consistently when weighed, if not then things are not right. You could also make a close check for weights that may be being hidden, and insist on a weigh with urine test prior to see if the urine is dilute or concentrated when she next goes in. ED can be very sneaky. My D found a way past the urine test. 

Ask more questions as you need. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi and a very warm welcome from Germany. Great that you found us here, you will get a lot of help here.
To sort out what your questions are, I think you ask wether she could fake that weighing at CAHMS. Is she weighed in underwear? Does she chose which underwear and is it always the same she is wearing? Some girls sewed weights into the bra... Is she water loading before the weighing?
Can you do the weighing at CAHMS by surprise? Just take her from school and directly drive there without announcement before?
Can you ask them to do blind weighing? That made a big difference here. Since my d does not know her weight any more the weighings are no stress any more and we had no problems to tackle target weight and get over it.

"We never seem to be able to get weight on her (maintain or lose) despite 3 meals and 3 snacks - any gain has been in the hospital or at my sisters house."
What was different there? Do you get her to finish meals? What is the consequence for spitting and hiding the last mouthful?

Try to exclude purging. Check her room for bags or boxes with sickness. Control bathroom. No bathroom for at least 1 hour after meals. She needs to stay with you. Check if she is exercising secretly in the nights. If you can exclude all that, you can only increase her intake until you see a steady weight gain.
Tina72

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Hibiscus

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi makeherwell,
I often feel like I am treading water too, so can relate to that. I found adding sneaky cream and cheese to meals really made a difference for my d. , and lots of butter.( although things are far from perfect here)
My d also occasionally holds food in mouth, but not so much now that I ask to check her mouth if I can see she has done it. Happening much less as she hates the indignity of it. Iwould also suggest no serviettes, no pockets, no long sleeves and watch every bite. I find if I blink or turn away for a second, the opportunity is taken to avoid food. Is the dog gaining weight?
What is different to your sisters place than at home? There may be a clue there.
You say if she doesn’t go to school she won’t eat, does that mean she doesn’t eat on weekends? Maybe if she is off school and doesn’t eat, she really can’t go the next day either as she doesn’t have the energy?
As the others mentioned exercise I would add asking the school to see if she is being excessive there, I have recently caught my d exercising when she goes to have her shower.. think of when she is unsupervised.. what is she up to. ?
If you r worried about purging ask the doctor to do a blood test, I think it is potassium levels they need to check. I insist my d showers before meals, never after.
You are doing so much for your d’s recovery. Just need to figure out and stop whatever it is that the ED is making her to to lose weight. You’re onto this.
Xx
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Makeherwell

Welcome to this forum, you had quite a rollercoaster ride, hey? This is a long process unfortunately, but you'll get great support here!

My d didn't drink a lot of water during the initial stages of refeeding, but come her weekly hospital appointment and weigh in and she would drink half a liter of water just before the appointment. I would take the empty bottle with to the weigh in and the dr would sent her to the bathroom and subtract 0.5kg from her weight!

Do they measure her MAC (mid arm circumference)? My d's MAC was also measured weekly and there is no way to fake that.

Her body's metabolism probably went up as well so she needs more calories just to maintain and even more to gain. So I would continue with the 3 meals and 3 snacks and just increase the calories until you start to see weight gain. Try and add a smoothie made with fruit and add lots of oil/cream.

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!

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D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
makeherwell

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thankyou everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses.

We did try the surprise weigh in this morning but she smashed the scales. She went to school as she had an important exam but it will be a quiet weekend. I would like her to be on bed rest (she stands all the time except for school and studying) but I’m not sure how to get her to stay in bed rest (or at least sit). She eats on weekends but only so she can continue to go to school.

To answer your questions - my sister has always been stricter and my d just had to eat what was given. No choice. She struggles with this at home because she thinks there is choice (even though I make all food decisions). The counsellor believes this is because she knows we love her unconditionally so she can act out and have tantrums and we will not give up.

I did not know about the MAC - great idea. She always loses weight on her arm first so this will be telling.

She is a master magician at hiding food - sweeping it off the plate to her lap, up sleeves, down undies. We mostly catch it but we don’t know what we miss! I would absolutely love to break these habits because I think that is really what’s holding her back from gaining weight. Any suggestions?

I have read on here about the smoothies but any type of drink is a fear food. She has 3 chocolate milks (which I add cream) and 2 orange juices (which I add canola oil too) a day but there is no way we could get her to have a smoothie.

Thank you all so much for being such a supportive community. It’s good to know others around understand the agony of this journey.
Hibiscus

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hey again, you are honestly better of without the scales, I threw ours out.
With regards sitting and resting, there are many people on this forum who have dealt with this and they will be here soon with ideas. Has not been our problem but I wonder about what leverage you have with her.... phone, ipod, internet, computer that she could be potentially rewarded with for periods of rest. Or even while? Others will have better ideas. I wanted to mention the food dropping/ hiding as it has been a massive problem for us too. Fir us this has increased over past fortnight. This morning I asked what we should do, speculating about whether we make her eat what wa dropped, make more food or get her to drink a resource plus( super high calories ) drink. We are going to have to deal with this tonight, so I will let u know how we go. What happens when you find the hidden food? Not addressing has just escalated our situation and I think ED thinks it is winning and can do this. So I have to stop it. I know there will be a massive blowout. Chilling the wine for after 😂 .
Hey maybe your sister could come for dinner at your house and help you set the ground rules ? Just a thought. Where are you?
Xx
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi and Welcome!

Here are some helpful tips from a fellow carer - :

1. You prepare meals

2. Do not allow your child in the kitchen during meal prep

3. Your child should not go grocery shopping.

4. Toilet before meal and no toilet for at least an hour afterwards.

5. If purging is suspected, use an open door policy in the bathroom, or have them count or sing whilst in there. And no flushing

6. Do not negotiate - whatever you serve has to be eaten

7. Use whatever leverage you have - phone, Internet, tv - whatever they hold dear is to be removed if they refuse to eat, until they have eaten. If they're older and are not financially independent, this is your leverage

8. Separate the two - Your child is not the ED

9. Detach yourself from the situation during meals. Do not get drawn into emotional discussions. THIS IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION

10. Remember that your child wants to recover - the ED is stopping them

11. Your child needs your permission to eat. They need you to stand up to ED as they do not have the strength to do so themselves

12. 3 meals and 3 snacks per day (supervised) - do not deviate from this. Add time limits to the meals (as a guide/goal!). Ours (and the hospitals) was 30 mins for meals and 15 mins for snacks. In the early days this could extend A LOT. I made my Ds meal times the same as they'd be at school so that when she transitioned back to full time it would be easier and less anxiety provoking.

13. High calories are needed throughout refeeding with lots of full fat dairy. Some need as much as 6,000 cals with hyper metabolism, but the norm would be minimum 3500-4000 cals (for you to track not your child)

14. When they know you will not negotiate, I promise you will see the weight lifted from their shoulders... If only for very short periods

15. BE THE CAGE that keeps ED away from your child

16. When food is eaten be mum / dad again and have cuddles if they'll let you

17. 24/7 supervision - I slept with my D for 4 months - this will protect against them purging through vomiting or exercise. Many patients will exercise alone at night for hours on end when nobody else is awake.

18. All sport may need to stop in the early stages, and
for those who compulsively exercised this could be long term.

19. Be consistent, consistent consistent!

20. Don't congratulate them after a meal or say 'well done' - just cheer inwardly! Likewise when (for girls) their period returns!

21. Learn from others. I found this website with stories of other parents journey through recovery to be extremely helpful - http://www.maudsleyparents.org/familystories.html

22. Recommended reading: 'Brave Girl Eating' by Harriet Brown

23. Be prepared for resistance, and lots of it! You will find your own way to manage this, but NEVER back down. Any compromise is a win for ED. Remember, you have to see the beast to slay beast!

24. Making decisions / choices is extremely difficult for them (painful to watch). This is true in areas outside of food too. If you've tried to hand over some control of a meal or snack and notice that they are struggling, that is an indication that it is too soon and that you need to be making those decisions for them.

25. Sometimes distraction helps during meal times. That can come in the form of games,TV, music. Whatever it is you control it and it only continues with eating.

26. Lean on us - you have 24/7 support here as FEAST/ATDT  is international

27. In some cases FBT isn't an option, generally if there are comorbids such as ASD and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) . It may just be that FBT needs to be tweaked, or that a different approach is needed. There are many here who have found ways to work around those comorbids or who can advise on an alternative approach which worked for them.

Hope this helps! Best of luck!

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Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #10 
"She is a master magician at hiding food - sweeping it off the plate to her lap, up sleeves, down undies. We mostly catch it but we don’t know what we miss! I would absolutely love to break these habits because I think that is really what’s holding her back from gaining weight. Any suggestions?"

Ask her to change clothes after EVERY meal and if you find something tell her that this will be added to the next meal. Do not count or weigh the left food but just tell her you know how much that was and it will be added and add something that she really does not like to eat. She needs to learn that she will not get through with that behaviour and that it is better to eat what is plated than to hide something. Put everything away around the table where food can be hidden.

"To answer your questions - my sister has always been stricter and my d just had to eat what was given. No choice."
That is the way FBT works. Your sister is brilliant. Can you ask her to come over regularly?

"I would like her to be on bed rest (she stands all the time except for school and studying) but I’m not sure how to get her to stay in bed rest (or at least sit)."
What about watching some films together in bed or on couch? Some parents had progress with standing by asking them to sit for 5 minutes, 10 minutes and increasing that slowly. Some had progress by driving around in the car (because you cannot stand in a car). Use the "search" button for "standing".

If she drinks chocolate milk, put a full fat chocolate cream ice in it (like hagen dazz). That is as good as a smoothie...[wink]
Does she eat yoghurt? You can put a teaspoon of canola oil in there as well.
Fat is most important.
Tina72

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Ronson

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi 

We make our d wear short sleeves so can't hide food - and just watch her throughout the whole meal.  

Ronson 
makeherwell

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hi

How did you go Hibiscus with stopping the dropping??

We make our d eat what she drops/hides but it keeps happening. We added a resource drink at end of day to make up for lost food but it made her habits worse as she just said ‘I’m not finishing - I’ll make it up later”. We will continue to watch her closely and try the short sleeves (although she claims it’s too cold). We are in Melbourne Australia so it’s starting to warm up luckily.

Tina, I will start checking her clothes regularly but I don’t think we will be able to get her to change them every meal.

Foodsupprt - your list is incredible. We have really good FBT support so we do most of it but it’s so hard to fight all the time. It does wear you down. My h has really stepped up so we share duties.

My sister would come and help with dinner if we need her but my d is now terrified of her and won’t even see her. It’s sad bc her extended family love her so much and hate to see her struggle but she is avoiding them all.

No more questions for now but thanks for letting me share. Putting it in writing is scary but your comments have made me more determined to do what I know needs to be done, regardless of the terror and tantrums we will trigger.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by makeherwell
My sister would come and help with dinner if we need her but my d is now terrified of her and won’t even see her.


Your sister is an absolute GEM!  Your d will see that again, one day.

It is not your d who is terrified of her - it is ED who is terrified because your sister is more than a match for ED.

I think I know just what you mean because I am too much of a softie, and my eldest d was always so much better at getting her sibs to do what was needed.  Unfortunately, I don't have her magic touch, but I have learned some important things watching her.

I wonder what would happen if you told your d something like, "I hope I can help you enough so that you can finish your meal.  If I'm not good enough at helping with that, Sister will need to come and help you.  Here, please take a bite."

I don't have a Sister nearby, but I said something similar to my d anyway; that if I couldn't help her enough, I would need to take her to "the experts."  That helped her a lot, and luckily I never needed to take her anywhere because I didn't know where we would go if she called my bluff.

Hang in there!  And keep posting! xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #14 

Hi I will respond to you concerns re: standing all the time
"I would like her to be on bed rest (she stands all the time except for school and studying) but I’m not sure how to get her to stay in bed rest (or at least sit). She eats on weekends but only so she can continue to go to school. "

My D stood ALL THE TIME. She would not sit. The way we tackled it was to make her sit at first for half hour. We tried to escalate from 2 min but she was so distressed she timed the 120 seconds and as soon as the time was up she got up and ran away. So we made her sit (with her dad to watch netflix) for 30 min. So the first ten minutes were hard on her. Once she got through the first ten minutes, she seemed to understand that nothing bad would happen to her and then she settled, but only a little bit. Every few days we add in 30 more minutes until 2 hrs at a time. It took really only about 8 days to get her sitting more and about 2-3 months for her to be comfortable sitting for longer times. We took her canoeing, a 3 hour trip. We had a holiday away 3 hours drive, then a month later a plane trip for another holiday and she did it more. She seemed relieved, honestly, that we made her sit. Once she said, "mom did you see me sitting more today" and she was so proud of herself. It broke my heart. 

It does get better. Keep asking questions, let us know how you are doing!

XXX

Food+ more food+ time+ love + good professional help + ATDT+ no exercise= healing ---> recovery (---> Life without ED)

Hibiscus

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi again makeherwell.
So d and I had discussion yesterday afternoon about how I need to know how much she is eating to get this right, discussed alternatives and she seemed to get it. We had best afternoon we have had for a long time.
Come dinner time( chicken and pumpkin curry) she got halfway through when she dropped the first bit of chicken. Begged me not to have to eat it. Then got angry and ED threatened that she wouldn’t eat anything else. So that was end of that. A bit of anger and lots of crying for hours. Says she wants to eat but not if she had to eat that piece of chicken. I nearly had her a few times then ED kicked in again. Says I am not listening as she wants to eat less or see that it is less. Cuddled her while she cried and till she slept. Btw when she refuses food we have established no internet no iPod no computer so they were removed. I spent rest of evening second guessing myself. This morning she had cheese on toast for breakfast, dropped smaller amount saying your not going to make me eat that. I kept my mouth shut till she finished then collected the bits and asked her to eat. Off to the bedroom, but she wants to talk. All about how I don’t listen how she wants less( she is very close to Or at WR, not that she knows this) .hiw I control everything. I said trying to listen but I have to be in charge of food) she says bored and i offered computer if she comes and finishes rest of breakfast. 10 minutes later she comes for cuddle and eats crumbs, now on computer. So feeling ok at moment. See how we go with rest of day. I feel like I can’t back down now.
Just re read this post, am dropping into shorthand. Hard for me to type on the phone 😝 ps we did really well with ‘pumpkin ‘soup. Lots of chicken and veggies and heaps of pumpkin to hide the rest. Blended it smooth, add lots of cream, melt in cheese so hidden then top with visible cheese to serve with buttered toast. It’s hard to hide soup in your undies! 😂
Hibiscus

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Reply with quote  #16 
Ps. Try Hands not to go below table
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #17 
We had issues early on with dropped food but this markedly resolved when she was in hospital - there the consequences for dropped food was a supplement - equivalent to the whole meal. Outlining that dropped food will be replaced in all circumstances will help her to know in advance that there will be consequences. All food must be eaten, every bite. You can ask her to eat the dropped food, have spare food in the kitchen which is added at the end of the meal to replace what is dropped/thrown,  or use a supplement as a replacement. Insist on following through no matter how trivial the drop or loss or hiding may seem to be. 

She will be feeling compelled to do this but letting her know well ahead of time that from now on any tricks of trying to eat will have consequences and then calmly following through is the best way to tackle this. 

BTW well done Hibiscus you it in. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Hibiscus

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Reply with quote  #18 
Thanks foodsupportaus.
How has your day gone makeherwell?
makeherwell

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Reply with quote  #19 
Thanks Foodsupport and Hibiscus. My h and my MIL have taken her away to the beach so I can relax and spend quality time with my boys.

Well done Hibiscus. Keep following through every single crumb. I think we are still fighting this as we have not been consistent enough in replacing the last bite. In hindsight, I would have done it like you and tackled it head on at the start.

She threw the bowl of soup at me last time as it became a fear food (not sure why?). Maybe it was because she couldn’t put it in the undies!

We don’t take away her phone as it’s a distraction from the thoughts unless she crosses the line and gets physical or really abusive. My real d had never sworn before this disease now the words she is swearing like a sailor.

Do you think not using phone as leverage to eat is right? The physiatrist said it should be a ‘natural consequence’ ie. no school and said ‘would take the phone from a cancer patient?’ She goes crazy if we do take it. Aghhh. I just want my real baby back, not this ED monster.
Hibiscus

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Reply with quote  #20 
Hey, ok so maybe soup a bad idea right now..,
I hope you have had some nice times with your son today. I haven’t been perfect at this, I keep making mistakes then try again. My d diagnosed in dec 17 so it just takes time.
My d has also developed an amazing profane vocabulary, words they hear but don’t use and I think they are pulled out to try to shock us, make us angry and fight about something else( maybe as distraction?) and possibley to try to drive us away. I think this is ED.
I think everyone finds what works for their kids, don’t second guess yourself about the phone stuff. I did that in pure desperation as she stopped eating and drinking and lost 3 kg in a week. All therapists said was keep presenting the food and expect her to eat. Hmm. Found this forum which literally saved me and d. People had so many good ideas and offered support that I had never before received. as posts talked about ‘ life stopping till they eat’ and also about leverage. So I took it away. The first time was horrific, and I felt like I was punishing her but we had little to lose at that stage. Felt guilty and cruel. She got bored really quickly and I gradually got her to eat.
You need to find what works for u , D and your family and you will!
Your real baby is still in there, just a bit under pressure from ED at moment. You will get there.
Xx
Torie

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Reply with quote  #21 
Quote:
Originally Posted by makeherwell
Do you think not using phone as leverage to eat is right? The physiatrist said it should be a ‘natural consequence’ ie. no school and said ‘would take the phone from a cancer patient?’ She goes crazy if we do take it. 


It's interesting that the psych used the cancer analogy.  I would keep this in mind as the time may come when you want to use the cancer analogy back at her/him in the other direction.  But anyway, YES! If my d needed cancer treatment and the only way I could get her to go, absolutely yes, I would take the phone away if that's what worked.

All's fair in love and war.  Fighting ed is exactly that: love AND war.

Keep up the good work. xx

-Torie

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Torie

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Reply with quote  #22 
P.S. Natural consequences is kind of a lovely idea, but we don't have time for lovely ideas.  We need all our focus on figuring out what works.  A lot of the psych literature is focused on long-term effects, but what we need to focus on is short term - how to get D to eat right now, today, this meal, this minute.

I urge you to keep doing whatever works in the moment. xx

-Torie

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Ronson

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Reply with quote  #23 
We used phone as leverage to start as it was the only thing that worked. So you can have your phone/I pad when you begin to eat. To be honest it is the only thing that had any impact. It wasn’t taken for long so she still had it to distract her when she was eating x
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #24 
https://cheriemonarch.com/2017/10/21/if-it-were-cancer/
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deenl

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hi makeherwell,

We stopped the hiding food by searching him after every meal. We started when we found whole food down the toilet (I always wonder if he accidently on purpose didn't flush). We told him he needed all his meal and to keep him safe we would pat him down, check sleeves and pockets every mealtime. We were calm and non blaming but firm. I think he heard in our voices that we would absolutely do whatever was necessary. Well, the first few days were not very pretty but he didn't physically fight us. After that, he calmly turned out his own pockets and stretched out his arms for checking. He even grumpily reminded me once or twice when I forgot! I think he, himself, knew he had to or wanted to eat but ED wouldn't let him so he sabotaged ED. After 6/8 weeks we let it start to drift and only spot checked now and then until we didn't neet to any more.

Best of luck,

D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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