F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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pheim
Hello, I'm new here and looking for advice on how to navigate my daughter's bulimia before she enters a residential treatment facility. We have a week until she is admitted, and I don't know if I should begin interrupting the ED now or wait for treatment. She is out of school for Spring Break and home alone while I'm at work during the day...I just don't know what to do and feel very anxious and guilty for not being home with her. She is 14 and just revealed the ED 3 weeks ago...I know she's still purging. Do I start interrupting now or hold steady this week until she enters treatment? We've been to her Pediatrician for labs and EKG twice, all of which have been within normal ranges, although her heart rate is on the low end (62) last we checked. Thank you in advance!
"What's comin' will come and we'll meet it when it does."
-Hagrid
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ValentinaGermania
Hi pheim and a very warm welcome from Germany. I am sorry that you have to be here with us but I am also glad that you found us as this forum is a lifesaver.
I cannot speak too much about bulemia as my d has anorexia but I think it is the same with all EDs: the earlier you start to interrupt the behaviours the better it is. There is no need to wait.
So what can you do? First thing is to interrupt the possibility to purge. No bathroom privacy for at least 1-1,5 hours after meals, supervision 24/7. That is what will happen in IP and you can start that today. BUT: you will need to be at home for that. Can you have some break from work for this time? Home office? Share the time at home with hubby?
Vomitting is VERY hard to get rid of again, it is a severe addiction so it would be important to start to stop that yesterday. Some parents needed to hang off doors. Some needed to sleep with their children. You need to find out where she purges and make that impossible.
What about exercising? Is she exercising secretly?
If she binges or over-eats you can stop that at home by serving 3 meals and 3 snacks and give her food about every 3-4 hours and nothing in between. Lock kitchen door so she cannot get more food. Make it impossible that she buys food herself. Tell her you will be in charge for all food intake to help her stop that behaviour.
I can imagine that you are anxious but ED is treatable and you do not need to feel guilty, you did not cause that. It is difficult to supervise them 24/7 and work so the big question will be can you get time off from work at least until she is in IP and then again when she comes home? Can you have a relyable family member (grandma, an aunt or so) around to help you?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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pheim
Hi Tina72, thank you for responding to me. I am looking into utilizing family leave starting now and until she enters the treatment program next week. She says that she has used extreme exercise in the past, but I am uncertain if she has recently. Her ED has been going on for over a year and flourished under the guise of eating a vegan diet...now I don't know which came first, the ED or veganism. At any rate, she has gone back to eating dairy but I think she's conflicted because she went through last month purging every day, most likely multiple times per day. But I'm glad I found this forum, as I have no one else to talk with about this. Thanks again!
"What's comin' will come and we'll meet it when it does."
-Hagrid
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sk8r31
Another warm welcome to you, though sorry you have a need to be here.  Sincerely hope you will find the evidence-based info and peer support to be helpful.  Might I suggest reading the F.E.A.S.T. Family Guides, if you haven't already.  There is a steep learning curve involved after an ED diagnosis...hold on to your hat, but try to read and absorb as much as you possibly can.  When Your Teen Has an Eating Disorder by Lauren Muhlheim is a great book, with very practical strategies, and lots of links to other resources.
Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Enn
Hi and welcome.
if you do a search you can find more info on the forum on bulimia.
there is a book too I think from Lock and Le Grange, discussing bulimia.
I will find some links later after work.
please ask all the questions you have. There is always someone around who has been in your shoes.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn

This is the book:

https://www.guilford.com/books/Treating-Bulimia-in-Adolescents/Grange-Lock/9781606233511/reviews

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mamaroo
Hi Pheim and welcome from me as well.

I agree with Tina that there is no reason to wait to interrupt those behaviours. They do not come home from IP cured and if you already have the expectation that IP conditions would be continued at home then your d would know what to expect at home. It would also make the transition from IP to home easier. Very often the behaviours are stopped at IP, but continues at home because there is not enough supervision or rules at home. It takes many months to break old habits and to learn new coping mechanisms. You'll make it easier for her to stop the purging if you start now and continue the strict home conditions when she returns from IP. 
I know this is hard, sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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ValentinaGermania
pheim wrote:
Hi Tina72, thank you for responding to me. I am looking into utilizing family leave starting now and until she enters the treatment program next week. She says that she has used extreme exercise in the past, but I am uncertain if she has recently. Her ED has been going on for over a year and flourished under the guise of eating a vegan diet...now I don't know which came first, the ED or veganism. At any rate, she has gone back to eating dairy but I think she's conflicted because she went through last month purging every day, most likely multiple times per day. But I'm glad I found this forum, as I have no one else to talk with about this. Thanks again!


Family leave is needed and would be great.
Find out if she is exercising secretly. Tell her you will sleep with her in her room and if she freaks out about it it is very possible that she exercises in the nights.
They often move in together - ED and veganism. The normal way down the rabbit hole is 1. diet, 2. vegetarism, 3. veganism, 4. eating nothing at all.
There is no better excuse to restrict food in this society than veganism. You better stop all restricting so her outcome is better.
I am also glad that you found us! It is very hard when you have no one that understands what you are talking about, I know what you speak about!
Come back and ask your 1 million questions, we have been in your shoes. We can help you. You are not alone.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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pheim
Thanks you for the book recommendations, I have been reading as much as I can to get a better understanding of it all. I'm so concerned about her mental health and when I read about the higher rate of suicide amongst kids with ED I want to cry. 
Tina72, I told my D that she will never eat a Vegan diet on my watch again, and when she goes to treatment she'll eat the foods she ate before ED set in. I am so glad I found this forum, it helps to know I'm not alone and to read other parent's accounts and stories. 
"What's comin' will come and we'll meet it when it does."
-Hagrid
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ValentinaGermania
"I told my D that she will never eat a Vegan diet on my watch again, and when she goes to treatment she'll eat the foods she ate before ED set in."
That is what is needed and you did great to tell her that and I see you learn very quick! 🙂
Use the time she will be in IP to get prepared when she comes back and take all help you can get. You can help her, to be honest you are her ticket to get out there and the better you know how to deal with it the easier it will be. It is a lot to learn as ED was not on your topic list up to now but I am sure you will get that!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
Hi Joj2271, a very warm welcome from Germany and sorry that you have to be here!
Before I reply to your post I want to suggest that you open your own thread so you can get more replies to all your questions (and I think you will have a lot). Go to the start and you see a button "new topic" on the right top.
The vegetarian - vegan - nothing downspiral is very common with ED and I personally go with Tabitha Farrar on that and say NO RESTRICTION at all for an AN patient. If she was not vegan or vegetarian for many years before ED moved in you must stop that. It is possible to gain weight on a vega diet but REALLY HARD and a wrong signal to say therre is food that is good and food that is bad.
It is good that she sticks to you like glue, you are the best person to help her.
Most parents think that IP can fix all the problems and that they get a healthy kid back (me too) but that is not reality. Reality is that you get a still sick kid back and that you need to do most refeeding work alone at home so you can also start to do it now. There is no need to wait for anything and not for an IP bed.
Why do you think that FBT has been a disaster? What happened and where can we help with that?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
Hi Tina, 
Joj2771 started the thread about IP care in the UK, she needs urgent advice if you could share your wise words, we all need Tina 🙂
Ellesmum
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ValentinaGermania
I already saw it, thanks Ellesmum. It is always the biggest step to get started, isn´t it?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
tina72 wrote:
I already saw it, thanks Ellesmum. It is always the biggest step to get started, isn´t it?


Yes, like entering hell. Toughest thing ever but very possible. 
Ellesmum
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pheim
Hi Jojo2771, I'm so sorry you and your D have to go through this, too. Like you, I thought my daughter was being "healthy" with her Veganism and that it was best if I (and her family!) supported her choice. I bought her groceries and watched her prepare delicious looking meals that she ate...little did I know that this was a front for ED.
Residential treatment was recommended to me by D's Pediatrician and her school counselor; her ED has been active for nearly 2 years and is thoroughly entrenched now. She found herself purging every day for a month before she raised the white flag and let me know she needed help, because she couldn't stop. She had also lost 8 pounds in a week.
Hindsight is always 20/20, but it's also irrelevant...all eyes must be trained on the here and now and immediate future...that's what I'm telling myself these days.
"What's comin' will come and we'll meet it when it does."
-Hagrid
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mamabear
https://www.sciencealert.com/veganism-is-increasing-malnutrition-in-wealthy-countries?fbclid=IwAR1myTfpYLnMpI9ZeF5J4yGWOa6_PTO0jAfBFoCo6sSyn9TtX1ApiH66MHE
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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