F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Frazzled
I have a problem right now that need help with.  My daughter for the first time in a year had 5 1/2 hours between meals due to family activities. She ate dinner late (same time as she usually eats her snack) and is now refusing her night time snack and saying she isn’t hungry. I cannot get her to eat her snack. I took all of her electronics away. She still won’t go downstairs to eat it. Is this a result of going too long without food?? I feel I can’t back down because I am letting the eating disorder win. Am I wrong in thinking this way?? Her dad is almost home to help me. 
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US_Mom
Hopefully someone with more experience than me will be here soon. But opinion is you're not wrong. The few times my d refused to eat something and ran to her room, I sat on her bed and wouldn't leave her side until she came down and ate. One time it took an hour, but I never gave up. You can do this! And her dad can tag team with you if it takes all night! I'm sending you energy!
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scaredmom
I would agree that you need to get more food into her. You can admit that going that long without food should not have happened and that getting back on track is important. I would actually take the food to her and sit with her to have it- if she won't go to the food the food should go to her. If she will have a smoothie that would be great. You could say "have a smoothie, it is not as filling as X".
I am not really sure if she feels that way because there was so long in between meals, but that should not matter right now. 
I hope when her dad gets there and you are together she will see you are serious  and will eat. 
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
We have had that too. And I have had to stay up well past bedtime to get her to eat her pm snack. I hope it goes well. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Frazzled
We are still sitting here trying to get her to eat her snack. I am beating myself up pretty bad that this happened. She has everything she usually has including a big shake. She just won’t eat this snack. Ugh. 
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blondie
If you back down then you may well find that the ED will learn that it can get away with things and that she starts trying to push her dinner back in order to skip the evening snack or the "I'm full" excuse starts becoming more frequent
I'm not sure what she currently has as her evening snack but I would offer her the choice of her normal snack OR something that is smaller in volume but still of the same/similar calorific value - e.g. some nuts/nuts butter, cookies, chocolate, granola, ice cream, dried fruit or something liquid like a milkshake, fruit juice, hot chocolate (add in cream if needed)
And if she won't go to the snack, then the snack must go to her - but either way tell her its non negotiable - that she doesn't have the luxury yet healthwise of being able to miss a snack
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scaredmom
Don’t beat yourself up, it is not worth it. You have been so successful this may just be an episode.
You could push for her to have it and stay up all night to show ED or you let it go and tell her that this was an odd day out and that all will be back to normal tomorrow and make sure that happens. 
We cant be brick walls all the time. It is a hard call, I get that. And tomorrow is a new beginning.
sending support 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
I agree with saying tomorrow is another day. I remember on Thanksgiving my daughter was flexible with eating and really did a good job of eating what she was supposed to despite a different schedule. But than she needed one more snack in the car on the way home and just refused. I decided to let it go. If your daughter is at a healthy weight and you think it's an isolated incident I think its ok to let it go. Just my opinion.
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Frazzled
Scaredmom, I probably should have told her that it was an odd day and that was fine but I stood my ground and told her it was non negotiable. For some reason I thought it was because she went so long between meals today and there was a resurgence of some ED thoughts. I feel I can’t back down now unfortunately. 😩
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Mamaroo
I'm with Debra on this one. My d would not be able to eat supper if she had dinner that late. Reset tomorrow. If in the future it happens again that dinner is served so late, then just increase dinner to make up for the missed snack.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Frazzled
Debra18 and mamaroo, I agree with tomorrow is another day but what can I say so it doesn’t seem like an ED win? It’s been an hour and the snack is sitting in front of her and she still isn’t budging. 
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debra18
If you really don't want to give in maybe a compromise like a cup of juice?
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scaredmom
I don’t know what time it there at the moment. You could say ‘well it is late, and today was a strange busy day. Next time we will make sure we pack some food for you, so why don’t we just call it a night?’
you did not give in, you will get back on track and this too will pass and a teachable moment for her. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
Eva musby has that video on stuck and not eating. I think she says what to say so you still appear to be in control.  It is very different though than when you are in the early days and struggling to keep a schedule and get in every calorie.
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Mamaroo
Let it come from YOU that YOU are calling it off. If you want her to have at least something, tell her to have as much or as little of the snack she could manage, but that she should at lest have a taste. What Scaredmom said is also a good idea. You can also say that you have a busy day tomorrow and that you need your sleep. Don't let one bad snack make you feel bad, we all had plenty of days like that. Sending you plenty of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Frazzled
Thanks everyone! It is now 11:00pm here and I let my husband make the call. He decided to let it go tonight. If she refuses snack again tomorrow then we have a problem but hopefully it was just a fluke today. Thanks so much for all of your feedback ❤️ Sure hope we did the right thing. 
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Kali

Frazzled,

The next time it happens that the meal schedule gets a little changed up because of activities, perhaps you can switch dinner and snack. So snack can happen when dinner was supposed to (it is easy enough to carry some granola bars, juice, cookies and other snacky things with you or buy some wherever you happen to find yourselves) and then dinner can happen when you get home like it did today and snack will already have been eaten.

Just something to keep in mind for next time, since it might achieve all meals/snacks going in without the unpleasant argument that she is full.

Keep up the good work!

warmly,

Kali

Food=Love
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Frazzled
Thanks Kali, very good idea. That would definitely help to switch snack and dinner. 
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Frazzled
Thanks Debra18, I did compromise with some juice. That worked well. I will check out Eva Musby’s video also. 
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ACL
We have done something similar to Kali's suggestion and it has worked well for us. For example if we have done an activity in the morning that pushed back lunch or had lunch at an event where lunch was served late we moved afternoon snack to late morning. That prevented going too long between meals as well as meals\ snacks being very close together.
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