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Mkhmom
I apologize if this has been addressed in a previous thread, but I'm unclear if we should be praising our daughter when she is able to finish a difficult meal. 

My motherly instinct wants to tell her I'm proud of her, but I thought I'd read somewhere that the meals should never be addressed and this can produce more feelings of guilt. I cannot seem to find where I'd read this information. 
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Enn
Hi there,
For my d praise made her rage. We found that the more quiet we got the better for her.
Also we had to avert our eyes when she ate. So we sat at the table and looked at the other kids while she ate next to her dad.
I have heard it said that when we praise them for eating there can be more guilt for going against ED. There seems to be shame in eating and I think melstev said it quite well it was as if they were doing something so private and intimate and shameful like sex in public that the less attention drawn the better.
I cheered inside but on the outside I just needed to keep a poker face in front of her as of it was another boring meal/time.
All of our kids are different. How does your d take praise? I don’t think that there is the one way to act or be for our kids. We take our cues from their behaviour and act accordingly. 
Whatever works to keep them eating and keep the peace is the right thing.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
Here are a few threads
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/how-to-tell-them-you-are-proud-of-them-6762774?highlight=praise&pid=1281602454

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/response-when-done-eating-5597753?highlight=praising&pid=1271207409
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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melstevUK
My own d said that saying 'Thank you' was acceptable. She knew she had done the right thing and made me happy while not having to face the ed thoughts of failure which words of praise stirred up. Might be worth a try. 
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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Mkhmom
Thank you for your responses and for the links to previous threads. I will continue to ignore her successes and cheer silently in my head! 😊
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ValentinaGermania
My d hated it when I praised her for eating but I started to praise her for other things that were not food related. For example I asked her to help me clean the table and wash the dishes after meals and praised her for helping in the household. Or I asked her to help me with the laundry to keep her busy and distract her and praised her for that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Lood77
Oddly, my d liked to be praised!  At the end of each meal I would always say a "well done".  She said she wanted me to say it and she really appreciated it. 

She has been better now for sometime and recently she'd been out with a friend and had a lamb curry (something which she would never have had during her illness).  When she told me, I actually said, without thinking,  "Oh well done!".  She looked at me as if was a complete and utter fool and said incredulously "What?  'well done' for eating my dinner!".  
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Foodsupport_AUS
I think it really depends on how your child identifies with or is able to separate themselves from ED. If we tell them well done and ED beats them up for it, it doesn't help at all. If we tell them well done and they feel strongly they have fought ED voluntarily they are much more likely to see it as helpful. I think it is important to try to see this from their point of view. Our goal is to help our children do what they need to do, it is always going to be difficult for them. Reflexively saying or doing things that make it harder for them is pointless. My D strongly identified with her ED early on and felt she was powerless to fight it. I tended to find that when she had finished it was best if I said something like " Shall we feed the dogs?" No comment at all that she had completed or even finished the food. When I did try to praise her she felt even more guilty for eating. She was more likely to literally beat herself up or self harm. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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