F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Daughter agreed to having extra snacks on dance days, but just found out she has only been eating half her snack and throwing the rest in the garbage.. 
Trying to decided on a consequence as  she only dances once a week..  Do we tell her she can’t dance next week because she didn’t eat or should there be an immediate consequence for throwing food out?  

Dear JDH,

Perhaps the immediate consequence now could be that she eats that extra (whole) snack now to make up for the half she threw away and then she misses dance next week. And when she goes back to dance, let's say the week after, someone sits with her and makes sure that she eats the snack. I might try that in your situation.


I tend to agree that the most important thing is the feedback that she can't complete her snack by herself. It also brings into question any other snacks she is eating for her self. It indicates she is still struggling with ED thoughts and needs more support to eat those meals. So make up what she has missed today then a plan to make sure she can't miss into the future. The consequence of not eating or missing meals is that you get support to make sure you are able to eat - that may mean missing out, arranging for someone to sit with her, shortening her class, making sure she has her snack immediately on pick up and something prior - what ever you think is right. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
No unsupervised meals or snacks for some time x for consequence now. What you not have seen she has eaten is normally not eaten.
We have the rule that my d must eat an extra snack on the day she goes to her dance class (once a week). She eats that at home before she leaves and when she does not eat it she cannot go.
I would also make her eat the missed snacks as an extra this week. Not eating must have consequences.
Is her lunch in school supervised?

I would not tell her she cannot dance next week as a consequence because that will sound as punishment in her ears.
I would tell her she needs to eat all snacks under your eyes now again because of that and she needs to have the missed snacks as an extra and she can go to the dancing class next week when she is compliant with that and has eaten all. So you throw the ball at hers and it is her fault when she cannot go next week and not yours.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

The snacks not eaten to be incorporated in to the week and supervise again. 

when we have blips we increase supervision allowing her time to get back on track (give a reasonable timescale) before stopping the activity. It gives her responsibility to change the behaviour and they will if motivated to. 

my D was not able to drive this week after a blip. She is back on track quicker than ever. We tend to get big strides forwards in recovery when this happens. She has more to lose out on now as her life is very full compared to not having a life at all and suicidal 18 months ago. We are prepared to follow through with sanctions if this doesn’t happen but we’ve never had to.