F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

yellowcaty
I’ve thought about posting this for weeks but have been unsure whether I should or not. So here goes...
This forum has been a life saver for me and I am so grateful to everyone who posts and their words of wisdom. It just sometimes feels like the expectation is that as parents we can drag our children to recovery and if things are not working then we should be trying harder. I’ve tried as hard as I can and have given everything I can to support my D but she is still in IP 14 months on. We battled at home day after day and I blamed myself when I didn’t seem able to do what others have done.
I’m not blaming anyone but sometimes even this forum can be a lonely place if you don’t seem to fit in. X
Quote
Ellesmum
Hi yellowcaty, I’ve been thinking about you.  Firstly I know very well how hard you’ve worked with your daughter and I understand what you mean, I think though sometimes we post a rough outline of what’s going on, we’re often posting in secret from the bathroom or quickly from the kitchen and don’t always describe the full horror of what happens during meltdowns in the small hours for example.

I guess our kids are so different and while ED has broad commonalities just like any other illness some people respond quicker than others, as carers some people can quit work others simply can’t, some have supportive partners others have more children to care for. You know, there are grades in the most serious physical illnesses, even flu, it can be mild or it can keep you bedbound, it can Be so severe hospital treatment is required.

Unfortunately your lovely daughter needs more care, that’s not your fault of course although the parental default setting seems to be self blame and guilt, but then if we didn’t care so deeply we wouldn’t feel that I suppose.  It doesn’t surprise me that some kids are harder to get well than others but it must be so tough on you. I’m sure other forum members who’ve had similar experiences will be along to hold your hand, you’re always welcome to come onto my thread as it has evolved into more a drop in chatty one, in the meantime I send you continued strength and a massive squidge xx
Ellesmum
Quote
Foodsupport_AUS
Yep it is hard. I agree with you wholeheartedly that it can feel as though "you just are not trying hard enough" or " you are a failure" when you can't seem to achieve what others have achieved. I am so sorry that you have not felt supported, or included. You should feel that way. 
There is a fine line between cheering others on, and reminding them of what they need to do, and making someone feel inadequate. Sometimes the balance goes off. At the same time, we do want to hear from everyone. We know that not everyone does get better, and we also know that some have very difficult journeys. Your journey is all the harder and you need the support all the more. 


Thinking of you. Please don't give up hope that she can recover. It took a full 8 years of my D's illness before I could see that she really was going to get better. A long time was spent holding that hope for her without really seeing clear evidence that it would happen. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Quote
yellowcaty
Thank you
It just feels today like I can’t do it anymore. I know I shouldn’t complain as she is not home and everyone else has to deal with it 24/7, but even just the daily visits, phone call, emotional support...are just too much sometimes. I just don’t know how much of her precious life I can watch wasting away anymore.

Foodsupport it is heartening to know that even after many years there is hope. I think we just read recent posts on here and forget/ don’t realise how long it has taken some families. 

Ellesmum I was in no way trying to say that people aren’t struggling day to day and I know how hard it is for you all battling at home. I get that not everything is said in posts and people are going through horrendous things everyday. I also know that it is really selfish sometimes resenting other people’s success, but there are times when I just wish it could be me. X
Quote
Ellesmum
I know yellowcaty, you’re not in the least selfish, I’m sure most of us have felt similar. I know sometimes I’ve felt so bitter and jealous seeing families doing normal things and hearing about others fun plans, it’s only human.   I’m sorry if I appeared to minimise your feelings it wasn’t my intention. 

I hate this illness with all all my heart, I hate that it rips families apart, destroys beautiful people and shatters lives.  I hope you can hold onto hope, it does take lots of people a long, long time and my dearest wish is that one day we’ll all be able to put this experience behind us xx
Ellesmum
Quote
Robin1
Yellowcaty, thank you for posting this thread. It really resonates with thoughts swirling through my head! While we refed D at home, it was traumatic. She was on an enhanced camhs pathway for most at risk of ip. We have had referrals to social services, police and 3 short hospital stays for anxiety and threats of suicide. None of which i could ever have imagined happening to my sweet happy family. I am a strong determined capable person but this tested me to my limits and hurt us all terribly. I appreciate that FBT is huge progress on the bad old days of sufferers having to have insight and want to recover but it still fails many of our children and puts an enormous strain on carers. More desperately needs to be done to develop effective treatments for this illness and improve support for sufferers and their famillies.

R x
Quote
mtkmbc4
Yellowcaty,
Thank you for posting this. With the emphasis on FBT, I also have felt like a failure. When I have posted before about difficulties getting my child to eat, I’ve received responses meant to be helpful but ones that felt discouraging. (Go watch the videos, go read this book, use mindfulness for yourself, etc, etc) All the FBT tools in the world and all the loving  support and use of contingencies in the world will not make a child eat who is so severely ill with an eating disorder that she’d go on a complete food and water strike for days on end. (That’s my child.)

hugs to you today. To all of us who have children so ill we’d do anything to be able to feed them at home.
Quote
OUATINMBU
Utilizing very brief windows of time during the day over the past year as we've battled and supported D10 RAN, I've found this forum to be invaluable. However, I can see how this could be a lonely place...for numerous reasons. We're likely all seeking connection and understanding (and advice and motivation). It's my opinion that all are here in abundance...but sometimes our expectations interfere with the mantra of "one day at a time." For what it's worth to you, measuring success in smaller increments may help. What gets me through may be of some assistance to you (I hope):  1) Bless the present (I'm grateful our daughter is even still here), 2) Trust yourself, and 3) Expect the best. None of these are easy and everything is so difficult...EVERYTHING. But you can do it.
Quote
Ronson
Hi Yellowcaty
 
I think we all feel like this on the forum at times when one is making a progress which seems out of reach.  It is easy to say what has worked for one person and assume it will work for everyone but that is not always the case.  I certainly never mean to cause offence and I’m sorry if I do 

r
Quote
Elibean1
I love the honesty here, it’s what makes it feel safe...Yellowcaty thank you for yours. I can feel the sadness in it.

This makes me reflect because over years, I’ve been part of other health related forums...chronic illness, infertility. Sometimes people slip into battle talk ‘fighting this’, ‘staying positive’, ‘not giving up’.  It can  motivate and mobilise, but it can also be so alienating and discouraging because it implies terms like ‘defeat’, or ‘losing/winning’ - both discouraging and downright inaccurate.  

Theres so much luck and random chance involved in all illnesses. Scary and humbling to acknowledge that, but it’s true. Obviously, treatment and support change the odds enormously, but in any illness they’re still only part of the picture. 

Sending big hugs xx



Elibean
Quote
yellowcaty
Please don’t think I was blaming anyone as that was not my intention in anyway. You are all brilliant and it truly takes everyone collectively to help everyone else. We all have different things that we can bring to the table and it might just be one small thing that someone says that helps another. I think I wrote it partly as I thought maybe there are others out there who are floundering and perhaps worrying about posting. 

I also think I needed to be reminded that a lot of people on here who share their wisdom have battled this demon for years. I’m going to keep fighting one battle at a time and keep the hope that one day I’ll be able to share our journey to help others.

Thank you xxx
Quote
LauraCollins_US
I just want to thank you for your post as I know it is important that we see and support the full range of experiences. There is a natural reticence to post discouraging news or things going poorly, and that leaves those in hard times feeling less heard, less supported. That's unfair, but online it is hard to see what isn't said, and hard to see a cry of pain and not try to be helpful

The concern you express about feeling on the outside, and having all that ra-ra feel insensitive, is one I've heard since 2004 when this forum started. I think it is the nature of support forums that people don't have the ability to gauge or personalize the responses and we often say what we wish someone had said to ourselves. If you watch over time, each of us have the same three or four messages -- generally ones that we ourselves needed -- and it isn't always about the person we're speaking to but more of a broadcast of encouragement to Ourselves Past. 

I think because this is a Q&A format, and lacks faces, the only thing anyone has to offer is "keep trying" "what about trying that" and "you can do it." It is impossible to imagine an environment where the response was "don't bother" and "well, give up then," or "I guess it's over then." We don't want to be a community that is discouraging, or that can simply say "that sucks" without trying to actively help. With friends we can say "Let me vent and feel heard but don't try to fix it or assume you "know how I feel." That isn't something an open forum is likely to be able to guarantee from all users, or even many. People don't come to a forum to be silent, or to be negative.

I think the reason people tend to think of this forum as being about FBT, even when that is only one topic, is that FBT is the only time treatment really gives parents permission to DO stuff, to be in charge, to feel explicitly not blamed, and to believe in full recovery. Most other literature and treatment is centered on the patient: their actions, insights, and treatment course. So on a PARENT forum it is natural that people share and discuss the active parenting interventions, the feeding, the externalization, the feeding, the empowerment, the feeding. But most of those are going to be helpful no matter what treatment and where it is happening.
Laura (Collins) Lyster-Mensh
F.E.A.S.T. Executive Director
Quote
sk8r31
Thanks for your honesty yellowcaty.  There is so much collective wisdom on the forum, but there is definitely 'no one size fits all' when it comes to individuals and families and the continuum of severity of ED.  All points of view, feelings of hope or despair as the day warrants are welcome.  We do try to be supportive to all and I think there has been a shift in the forum to being more inclusive of the wide range of experiences as well as acknowledging there is no one treatment for all, and certainly not a 'right way' for every family. 
I think you have highlighted these points with your thread.  And as a moderator, I do encourage everyone that wishes to, to feel comfortable about posting...the good, the bad, and the ugly.  If we can help each other to feel less isolated or alone with ED experiences, that is the goal.
Sending warm support to all ED warriors out there, putting one foot in front of the other each day.  You are all doing the very best that you can, and hoping that each journey gets a little less challenging with time.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
Quote
deenl
Yellowcaty, I am really please that you posted. This is a topic close to my heart as I almost stopped visiting the forum in the early days. And I know people who have very difficult situations who do not come here for support because none of the usual techniques work it their cases. It breaks my heart because they are the very parents who are even more isolated, whose complicated situations mean that professional support is usually not up to the job and who need and deserve our care and support in spades. 

We parents cover the enormous spectrum of human beings. This, of course, means that there are parents who do not have the skill set for very many reasons to allow for refeeding at home. Do these parents love their kids any less? Absolutely not. Are they just as scared, stress and heartbroken? Absolutely. Are they doing the best they can? Yes. As a caring, supportive community what should our response be for the group of parents who simply cannot do it at home? In my opinion we should support them to continue to do what they are able to and to fill in the gaps in care with other family, friends or professionals. We should offer our care and support to them too, not just the people who are just like us.

EDs are complicated, messy illnesses to deal with. Individuals and families are complicated and messy too. Everyone is doing the best they can. And everyone deserves support and care.

Yellowcaty, you have made me stop and think and I will be careful to ensure that my posts include the warts and all. God knows there are enough of them. 

I hope everyone, at all stages, with all different eating disorders, with and without success, will continue to post. Acknowledging the difficulties and the different ways we all cope will only enrich the forum and resonate with a wider group of families.

Wishing you continued strength and courage,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Quote
kazi67
Yellowcatty
I’m so sorry you are feeling so low and like you don’t fit in 
it’s so very hard when your kid is in IP 
and your precious d has been in for so long now
i send you a big hug but I know that doesn’t cut it
i felt the same when my d was in IP (like no one understands the  heartache of seeing your kid with a tube up their nose) and you feel powerless as the team/hospital are in charge especially if over 18 as I think your d is now and when mine finally got help she was 18
it doesn’t change that they are still our babies and every day I think my heart broke a little bit more and I feared my d would never get better
my d had 2 lengthy IP stays both followed by 2 lengthy DP stays (meaning she had to drive an hour dive up to hospital every day and back again in afternoon)
weve had 2 years of in and out of hospital and when I come to the forum I sometimes feel like others think (oh the revolving door case) but they are getting her better be it has been a slow journey
sitting with her for 8 weeks while she cried and didn’t want me their (but I stayed anyway) as if she died I wanted her to know I was there loving her no matter what 
its been the worst thing I have ever had to go through and I feared I’ll never be the same 
Unfortunately the roller coaster of emotions daily for 2 years has changed me 
Im so tired omg so tired
i go to work and hear about my friends kids they ask about mine but they truly can’t get it
its been a very lonely journey I have to agree
thats why I do keep posting and reading hear as I know there is some kind of understanding here

we really DID have to learn one day a time/one meal/right now, the present and not worry about her future just today this very moment 
that didn’t help when that very moment was going pear shaped though

we are all cheering you and your d on Yellowcaty and I do often think of you as not too many other posters had kids in long term IP treatment so I like to hear how your going 

I do know each time my d came home it was really hard and part of me just wanted her “safe” at hospital especially when self harming

try to keep your chin up 
hoping all the msgs of support do help you through another day 

our lives ARE SLOWLY getting better be it  a new normal 
hang in there Yellowcaty xx
Quote
melstevUK
yellowcaty,

I feel your despair and I regularly feel enraged that the UK feels to be such a 'hit and miss' place in terms of treatment.

I can only imagine how bleak it must feel because your d has been IP for so long.  All I can say to try and comfort you is that she is safe and in a specialist unit (I believe) and that this is a long, long road.  I totally get how it can feel demoralising not to be one of the parents who manages to refeed at home - I certainly never managed it.  I can't remember what age your d is at and I don't know what the timescale is for her discharge.  But you need to take this time to look after yourself and prepare for the next stage when she eventually does comes out.  And don't feel that you have to visit in every spare moment - you need time for you.  We can be loving and supportive (and often get abuse back) but ultimately the journey is your d's and she is in the right place at the moment.

The reason that FBT or a refeeding regime is encouraged is that ultimately nutrition and weight gain are key to recovery and the urgency is stressed on new parents of this because we all know how things can spiral downhill very quickly if food intake does not increase.  I imagine parents who have been successful must wonder why others can't succeed - but we are all at a different starting point, with anything ranging from brilliant clinical support or clinicians who are downright toxic and can do more harm than good.  

Personally I would like to see a totally new approach used, if only as a trial.  I genuinely believe that, if patients presenting with an eating disorder were told how desperately ill they are and that they had to go into hospital straight away, for something like a month, so that eating properly could be put into place with intensive support IMMEDIATELY - I believe that many patients would come through the illness more quickly.  This ridiculous waiting until weight drops is such an ineffective way of dealing with things - I wouldn't even give the patients a chance to go home and try to start eating under parental supervision, I would whip them in immediately.  Parents themselves rarely understand initially the severity of the illness, or how it works or what they themselves need to do to be effective so they have to go through a steep learning curve and even then often do not succeed in getting a decent turnaround in place for many months.   That burden of trying to stop the illness taking an even bigger hold should be taken right off the parents - I wonder how many lengthy hospitalisations we could prevent if this regime was used instead.  However, change progresses slowly - and compared to how things were even fifteen years ago, there have been big improvements in understanding in many areas of the world and among many clinicians.  

If you were left floundering around at home unable to make any progress with your d in getting her to eat and reversing the weight loss - then the fault lies squarely with the clinicians.  A recent, but totally misplaced belief that outcomes are better if you do not hospitalise seems to have crept in.  Outcomes are possibly better if you can prevent weight dropping to really low levels but leaving families for months without making progress and without hospitalising does absolutely no good whatsoever.  No progress should mean automatic hospitalisation in my opinion.  

Has your d kept up with friends or has the illness isolated her?  Is she doing schoolwork while she is IP?  Are there ways you can ensure that she still has contact with the outside world and are there any nice things you can plan for the future, for when she does come home?  Is she getting any time outside the hospital and if so, is there somewhere nice you can go and visit?  Trying to encourage her to believe in a better future and help her have dreams of what she can do/where she can go when she is able to return home may be worth doing.  

Part of the reason I still post, as well as wanting to help, is to help people to believe that recovery is possible even after a lengthy illness.  We took eleven years, and it took for d to get into her mid twenties before she could finally leave the illness behind because she no longer needed to make thinness the core feature of her identity.  Thinness is highly priced in western societies and unfortunately that can help perpetuate the illness and make it more difficult to walk away from in the teen years. 
You have done brilliantly well by just being there for your d and ensuring she is getting the help she needs - that is no mean feat as we all know.  Don't beat yourself up about something that you could not achieve.  Be kind to yourself.  You deserve it.  You have done your best and your best is good enough.  
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
Quote
Mamaroo
Hi Yellowcaty

I'm so glad you've posted as I often wondered how you were doing. I'm sorry this is still so hard for you, but please come here to feel supported. This is such an isolating illness, so we all need a place just to be ourselves and vent when things are not going our way. 

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
Quote
KLB
yellowcaty wrote:
I’ve thought about posting this for weeks but have been unsure whether I should or not. So here goes...
This forum has been a life saver for me and I am so grateful to everyone who posts and their words of wisdom. It just sometimes feels like the expectation is that as parents we can drag our children to recovery and if things are not working then we should be trying harder. I’ve tried as hard as I can and have given everything I can to support my D but she is still in IP 14 months on. We battled at home day after day and I blamed myself when I didn’t seem able to do what others have done.
I’m not blaming anyone but sometimes even this forum can be a lonely place if you don’t seem to fit in. X


Please know that you aren't alone in these thoughts. Sometimes our best isn't enough and it's a terrible pill to swallow. It's clear that you have and continue to go above and beyond for your daughter. And there are glimmers of hope....I've seen you post about the little positive steps she is taking. I think about you and your d often. 

I have felt similar at times yellowcaty. It's taken us 40 weeks to get 10.9 kg of weight on to our son, he's still not weight restored, he's still not back at school, we haven't even thought about fear foods, let alone tackled any, his exercise compulsion is exhausting and so incredibly difficult to manage, and that's where I have felt completely inadequate. I can't get my son to stop exercising. No matter how hard I try. Its his 16th birthday in a few weeks so he'll have missed almost an entire year of his life already. A year. And not even weight restored. I feel like an absolute failure and I'm so jealous of those that describe quickly being able to weight restore in only a few weeks. 
Quote
yellowcaty
Thank you everyone for your kind words of support and encouragement. I definitely don’t feel as alone today and I hope it has helped others to be brave and post. No two journeys are the same but we all do share in one common goal that we would stop at nothing to save our children.

I think I just need to learn to move on from the thoughts that my efforts were not good enough and to accept where we are right now. We were lucky that we got an IP bed and that even when my D refused to engage her team didn’t give up on her. I do agree that the 6 months at home for us were wasted especially as it allowed the purging to take over. Fingers crossed after a year and a bit that is now mainly under control. If she had been taken into hospital on day one when she could barely walk into her assessment then things may have been different now.

Her friends have been good and do still visit but they are all off to Uni in September so that will be hard for her. She sat her AS Levels last week which was absolutely amazing and we were so proud of her. It did mean that the restricting came back in full force so it was bitter sweet, but hopefully the unit can help her come back from that. Unfortunately as she is 18 there is no school at her unit but she keeps up with her work on her own. Dreams are still there, I think, but the more time she spends in IP the more she feels detached from these. The bigger plan is to get her out and back to school for September. We will just have to wait and see. 

KLB I really do feel your pain. We too have watched the last year of her life pass with what seems like little change, but you did remind me of the little positive steps she has taken. Sometimes these get lost in the big picture. Today I’m going to find them and write them down to remind me on the dark days when we seem to have gone 2 steps backwards again that they were there. I do so want to find the words to make it all better for you but unfortunately I don’t have them. You are not a failure, you love your S with all your heart and sometimes that is all we can do. Please feel free to message if you ever just want a chat/rant.

❤️X
Quote
kazi67
Hi yellowcaty
glad you are feeling better today
we really do need to look at the little steps forward!!
as they all do add up and yes it’s truly heartbreaking watching their friends spread their wings into life and fly whilst ours are still struggling 
your d is so very lucky to have you!!
we too didnt get the help we needed straight away (GP didn’t refer) I had no idea, struggled away, tried my best read and cooked and shopped and cried and cooked and cooked and cooked 
but the AN was too strong 
i can look back and be very bitter for the USELESS GP not helping and become bitter and twisted for the 2 years my d has lost 
I’ve validated those feelings that’s for sure but we now look forward and everyday things get a tiny bit better
sometimes 2 steps forward 1 back but slowly slowly it’s getting better and it will for you too
my therapist also tells me looking back causes depression so we must try to look forward be it a day or meal at a time (not more than 2 days)

KLB
my d had exersize compulsion too but it was dancing
what has your team said about your s exersizing? 
I’m guessing he must be medically stable or they wouldn’t allow him to continue?

the only thing that could stop my d was loosing all the weight I had got on her plus more and being deathly ill and then was admitted straight into an IP hospital 
they told her absolutely no dance for at least 6 months which in fact turned into 1 and 1/2 years 
only this past month she has started to teach again and it brings her the greatest joy 
but it was absolute hell for her to have it taken away as her life was dance (friends,work)
she has had to learn to balance her life and to care for herself and broaden her social connections away from dance alone, she has really “grown” as an individual in this past 18 months 
i think in my d case, having the thing taken away from her that she loved for so long then gave her a reason to beat the illness
we were able to ask her “hasn’t AN taken enough” once she got a little better 
I believe this gave her something to think and fight for and continue the battle as everyday is like ground hog day for her 
now we have to wait with fingers crossed for results of heart tests hopefully she hasn’t done damage there and if so she will need to reassess her direction for the future 

yes we all HATE this illness 
understatement of the year!!!
Take care x
Quote
toothfairy
Huge Hugs from me.
I really believe there is a spectrum of severity with this illness.
I really like this article
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/why-cant-everyone-get-a-good-result/
Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
Quote
Elibean1
Oh that’s an excellent article! Says it so well. Thanks, Toothfairy x
Elibean
Quote
scaredmom
Yellowcaty, 
I have been thinking about what to reply here ever since you posted. I concur with all the above. 
I do feel that there seems to be a majority here of FBT and similar stories/strong FBT voices.  If one cannot find a mirror of their lives here, I can appreciate how isolating that can be. And so, one with a different story may feel uncomfortable posting or asking for support. It would be hard to be the "first poster" when it came to a difficult ED issue, but it would open flood gates for others with the same issues. I think that is such a positive. If we don't hear what is happening no one will know, no one can help. Laura said it well, on an online forum, we do not wish to be negative and we all want to help and in writing "helping" is sometimes "do this and it will get better" and for sure that is not always the right or best thing in those circumstances but it is all we have. 
I would hope now, that those with different paths, do post to offer support to those with similar issues or post to ask for help and kindness during a difficult time. 
I used to think, when I was first on the forum, that we really were the same! Ha! How naive of me. I was in my own "bubble of struggle" and could not see my hand for my fingers. I was absorbed in my own issues. Then as time went on, I was able to see other sides of Eds and that it is not linear, it is not math, there is no product at the end that is the same for anyone. Just as we are all different, so are our experiences with EDs. 

I have always felt that  support here was a given no matter what the circumstances were. Your experience says that that is not always so. I want that to improve. I want everyone to feel included and never feel badly for asking for help or just a shoulder to cry on. I want people to say "Hey I am different than you and this is what I have learned. This is what I need.  " We all have a voice here, we all have learned so much and we can help those earlier in the journey.  Our stories are evidence of the realities of ED, all the realities- good and bad. There is no negative with that. 

I do hope that others will post their stories. Those with BN, BED, BP-AN etc. seem to have a smaller voice here and those stories should be shared and discussed- if we don't then how do we grow as a forum and a safe place for those who are dealing with all Eds?

XXX
 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote
tina72
I think we all can help to make those who have different stories and more difficult cases feel more comfortable here. It often helps just to ask "how are you doing", "how was your week". I know that some here do not like the more communicative threads like Ellesmums is but that is what keeps all those going that feel a bit closed out here.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote
debra18
Yellowcatty, all situations and experiences are different. I was able to refeed my daughter at home but she is younger and the situation is different. I do think that the "fbt system" should be revised. I don't think kids always need to be hospitalized at the beginning. My daughter didn't and she is young and it would have been unnecessarily traumatic. But for sure there needs to be more support given at home. I have a friend with a sick child at home (non ED) and she had twenty four hour nursing care. I think she now has 12 hours. I think ED kids could get the same. If people had meal support at home it would still cost less than hospitalization and could be very effective. Purging, self harm, and suicidal ideation makes refeeding at home very dangerous and should be taken into account. 
Also I think refeeding is contrary to modern parenting and that makes it difficult for people. I am fighting with the school now because they believe in a democratic style of discipline with discussions and kids should take responsibility for their actions. This is what all the therapist and parent coaches are saying. It does not work with refeeding in my opinion. I always had an old school style of parenting. When I say something I mean it and my kids know that . So when I told my daughter to eat she didn't have a choice. The first day when she was supervised for eating in school the principal told her "I know you really want to eat with the class". I think she thought that would make her suddenly eat normally. And my daughter replied "I may want to but my mother told me I can't." This is a very big change in what our society is pushing. At least I know that is what it is like in US and I think in other places too. It's hard to change approaches if it's what parents have done for so long. I am not blaming any parents . It is very hard. 
Also even though my daughter was not hospitalized and didn't miss school it is devastating in a different way. She writes in her journal how she wants to be normal and her mother shouldn't be enlisting spies in the school. It is very sad that a young girl should have to go through that. 
Quote

        

WTadmin