F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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HillBilly
I read a lot here about sufferers being weight restored. So what exactly does "weight restored" mean? There are so many terms used, target weight, ideal bodyweight, within a healthy range, 95% restored, health restored etc.

D has had return of periods for a few months now and currently weighs what she did around her 15th birthday. She will be 18 this spring and has grown 3cm taller in 3 years. ED became apparent aged 15.5 years and she has gained 6kg from her lowest ED weight.
I reckon she needs to gain another 6kg, but how do I justify that? (apart from plotting on a graph)

Also, do I wait until she is "weight restored" before she leaves to study at university, or should she wait for a certain period after she is weight restored before she goes away?
I know people here talk about "state not weight", but surely weight matters? She is certainly much more sociable and less self isolating than she was 6 months ago.
But it is only a couple of months since I discovered she'd been self harming, although since I discovered it she claims to be no longer self harming.
She has also been on Fluoxetine for the last 3 months, which has possibly helped to stop the self harm and has certainly reduced her anxiety, but she still has as little insight and as much denial of there being a problem as she's ever had.

I think I just need someone to tell me to keep going with this and to let her stop here is not true recovery. But I'm weary!
HillBilly (formerly registered June 2012 under another name)
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Foodsupport_AUS
Hillbilly, you don't need to justify your opinions at all, but plotting it on a graph does show clearly what normal weight gain looks like, and where if she followed the same curve you would expect her to be. Putting it on paper, may firm your resolve to keep on going.

Most would think that if your D is going away to university, she should be weight restored and stable for some time with a firm plan to recognise relapse. Studying closer to home is much more like school.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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YogurtParfait_US
On "state and weight"--

There is no good state without a good weight. But, someone can be at a good weight (or what seems to be a good weight) and not have good state.

Both good weight and good state are needed in order for independent, healthy, living to be successful.

My daughter's highest pre-ED weight was 40th percentile. I weight restored her to 50th percentile. She continued to gain and is now about 68th percentile, self-regulating her own portions. She is a short, muscular girl, and looks beautiful and healthy.

Sending warm support!
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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Paloma
I feel my therapist has set our D weight restored too low, just scraping in at 19 BMI, no buffer if she doesn't maintain and she easily drops below.  I think she should be 2 - 3 kgs higher but my therapist is very rigid.
Therapist undermines us parents, D doesn't listen to us anymore, and therapist says that is not her concern we should just tell D to listen to us. Therapist also says she doesn't know what to do with D anymore. Should we switch, we are in an outpatients program!
Tony Bikhara
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KyrasMom_US
I, too, felt my D's weight goal was set too low in her program and by the nutritionist we met with thereafter. The pediatrician she's seen since she was in kindergarten and I looked at her charts and followed her growth from the time she was 5 and decided she needed to be about 7-10 lbs. higher than the rest of the team suggested. She's petite, so they were mortified by the weight we were suggesting, but we felt the charts from several years without the ED wouldn't lie. I swear, as soon as she reached that weight, we saw a dramatic change in her desire to recover. And we kept feeding her the same meal plan and she's gained a little more (about 5 lbs.) and continues to improve. Don't be afraid to go higher. I'm so glad we did.

I should note that we did blind weighing and told her she didn't need to worry how many calories she received each day and what her weight was doing and she acquiesced. I think she realized all that worrying about weight numbers and meal plan numbers was only adding to her pain. (Every time we took over any part of her recovery, she seemed to relax a bit more.) She is also on medication and I think we found the right one for her, so that, too, may play a role.

Good luck!

(PS -- I'm not mentioning her WR # and current weight because it was mentioned before on the forum that it is not helpful to others since body types are so different. I'm happy to share those numbers if asked.)
Mom of 16-y-o D diagnosed w/ ED-NOS (RAN, compulsive exercise) in May 2013. Hospitalized for 2 wks then IOP at UCSD through July. Now in FBT w/ team of therapist, pediatrician and psychiatrist (for meds.). She is WR & considered to be in recovery, though we are diligently watching her and working on relapse prevention on a weekly basis with her T. We can finally see true recovery as a real possibility [biggrin]!
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hopefulmama
What KM said is so true. There is a Columbia University study that says young adults have a better chance at recovery with a BMI of 22-25. Younger teens are still growing and need extra weight even more. My own d threaded water recovery wise because her BMI was too low and it was far above where your d is now. We too were working with a team that told her she "didn't have to weigh that much." UGH! Then when she needed to go IP again the team was surprised that the "ED still had such a hold
on her." UGH! It is infuriating. My d was 18 and we had to change to providers who were practicing evidence based treatment and were not afraid of weight. Can we help you try to find new providers that will support weight gain? My d wanted to go to college and that was the only leverage we had with her. She went above her pre ED high and then grew 2 inches. She is doing really well now!
Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
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mydarlingsmom
I have also wondered about how to know what the proper weight should be. My d had a BMI of 18.6 at her highest weight 9 months ago. This was with normal, healthy eating habits. She was a little bit picky, but ate desserts, and food with carbs. She was diagnosed with anorexia about 3 months ago, and at her lowest weight was down 17 lbs. My other children are all naturally thin. The amount of food that she is being advised to eat right now is quite a lot. I am supportive of it, because she needs to gain, but even I would feel ill with that amount of food. Her BMI is now down to about 16.6. She keeps asking, and I am also wondering, what is the right weight for her? How does one know? My BMI is 20.3. Any advice about finding the right weight would be appreciated.
mydarlingsmom
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