This is one of the many things I struggle with with 'FBT is the only way' proponents.a very reputable scientist who came over to NZ to give a talk on eating disorders was very clear that FBT works for only 50%of people who do it.when something works for you and your family it's tempting I imagine to talk on and on about how it is the only way....thereby making those of us who have children who were completely unresponsive to FBT feel like complete and utter failures.EVEN THOUGH SCIENTISTS THEMSELVES ADMIT THIS APPROACH HAS A 50% FAILURE RATE.
I didn't deal so much with plate throwing-I dealt with a mouth that would not open for food.or water.or swallowing her own spit.
I could sit at the table until the cows came home,my d removed herself from the table,off to the couch to 'sleep'.
I could take away everything,she didn't care.
Plate throwing?id take that over my girl slitting her wrist in front of her siblings any day.
And the GUILT.oh my god,the GUILT.
If I had just tried harder,if I had never had to go to the toilet,take her brother to school,try and split myself three different ways...I'm sorry,but people who are doing this with just one child who have no other special needs to account for in the family do have it easier.the amount of times I was told if my d had cancer I would just drop my other two kids(like they suddenly didn't matter) and do everything for my ed d...well I tried that and it made everything worse.
What works in this situation with a son or daughter who won't cooperate in any way ,shape or form?
HOSPITAL.over and over again.we had 24 hour turn arounds.that means that in 24 hours,back at the hospital, not that there was any change in ds behaviour.
An understanding GP.
An acceptance that for us stopping life until she ate simply punished her and made the rest of our lives even crappier.
That if we wanted her to want to live we had to show her that life was worth living.otherwise she was quite happy being miserable.
We had to accept our path was littered with mistakes from professionals and we were left picking up the pieces...or getting our d sewn up at a&e again.
That we made many mistakes and we had to pick up the pieces and hide the sharps better,
That our case was particularly hard and other people needed to help us or lead us to people that could.
When FBT doesn't work you are treated like you are the failure.if you suffer from self esteem issues, no matter how strong you are,that's gonna sting.
We are struggling on our path right now but I don't feel like a failure anymore.we are working through things and it's my ds job right now to make some effort to survive til we can get more help.in truth I cannot look after her forever.im doing all I can to help her but that is all I can do.
I wish for a return to the way the hospital used to do things-in our situation it would have been better.even if it was something that was just done for some cases.this one size fits all approach with FBT makes me angry.it doesn't fit everyone and my kid may die because of that.
So this isn't the answer you were probably hoping for deenl,but that's what worked for us.hospital and residential.oh for the good old days...