F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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I needed to share our story in the chance that it could help someone else.  I have received a lot of help from searching this forum and it has made all the difference for us.  My 12 yo D had symptoms from the start of middle school and I had no idea what I was dealing with.  Pediatrician gave us no help, "some people are just thin".  Hit us like a train when I weighed her at 67 lbs 9 pounds down from a year ago.  It still took me awhile to get on board with the ED diagnosis, along with depression and social anxiety but D has been talking a lot.  Just to summarize the truths that I learned from this forum and insights that my daughter has shared:

1. D was very much a textbook RAN. Cooking for other people but not eating, exercising which I continued since it was her thing I thought, healthy eating, body image. etc.  

2.  For my D her ED stemmed from the depression since she has said it was one of the only things that made her happy.  That has helped our treatment but I know that this is more of an exception and not the norm.  I am cautious about this but now that I know more I feel like we can be aware of symptoms going forward.   

3.  Extreme Standing -  she stood all the time, school, during meals, all the time.  I thought it was anxiety but D has told me it was the ED.  

4.  Through this forum I learned to never let the ED win and that is what I used through refeeding.  If D said it was the ED I fought it.  And once she admitted the ED was making her stand we fought that as well. 

5. Just how many calories we needed to refeed.  We spent 3 weeks stuck at 70-71 lbs and it was agony for me.  We added back in all the foods she wouldn't eat but still could not gain even when it was 2x at least what she had been eating.  Once we got the calories super high she started to gain fast.  I learned here about the night sweats and hyper-metabolic symptoms.  

6. D had told me during the early days that it was very hard to change since it had been going on so long.  It just takes time.  No quick fix even when she was thinking clearly again. 

7. From 12-13 the height and weight charts take off.  It was very easy for her to fall right off of them at this age and it is very daunting to refeed while the target is moving but we are having success.  

My D does not have any ED symptoms now that her mind is clear. She is now 5' 1 at 90 lbs (90!!!!!). We are still refeeding as I want her to follow the same weight chart that she was on before if not even give us some buffer.  I also think she needs to grow 3 more inches to be back on her height curve. No sports, not worth it for us as we are going to pursue other interests to fill her life with things that make her happy and healthy.  She has really started to find herself and become a new person,  something the ED was holding back.  We do have a ED specialized Nurse practitioner to prescribe medication and an ED therapist but I feel like the treatment of the ED fell entirely on myself.  This is why I am so grateful for this forum and just wanted to say thank you for all of the help. 


What a wonderful post! I am so happy for you all! I agree that YOU did this on your own as that has been our experience too. I agree with you continuing to feed her to get more weight on. 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Well done!!!! You've done an amazing job and it must be wonderful to have your d back again. It's great that she was able to tell you ED was making her stand all the time. Best of luck for the future 😁
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
I don't know about best but what worked for my D is 20 mg of Fluoxetine and 7.5 mg of Mirtazapine which is an appetite stimulant and also an antidepressant.  She is now off of the appetite stimulant and we are waiting to see if her meds need to be adjusted.  She had a very good response to the antidepressant and also mental illness runs in the family so I think for her it is what she needed.  She was also really into the eating disorder but the refeeding helped her clear her mind and want to get better.    

This all was in the course of 3 months.  First month was very stagnant like I said with little gain, the second month she changed very much from the start until the end with her mindset, then the third month we continue to work through issues and refeed. 

Good luck to all of you.  I feel for you so much and know the panic, helpless feelings, and hope for better days.