F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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stacey

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Reply with quote  #101 
Hi.

I feel sort of bad posting here because a lot of you have much more serious stories, but I am scared to death and don't know what to do.

We recently found a chat transcript where our (14, almost 15-year old) daughter was confessing to a friend that she had made herself vomit.

To backtrack: a couple of years ago a close friend of hers was dx with an ED. Our dd wanted to help and be supportive and she learned a lot about it so she could help understand her friend. She was an aspiring novelist at the time and decided to write a YA novel with an anorexic girl character, so she did even more research. She got out every book from the library, even very dry ones concerning research and treatment, and read it. Meanwhile her friend was in treatment (mostly outpatient I think). Last winter the girls parents freaked out at us when they learned our dd was writing this novel and hoped to publish it, they said people would think it was about their daughter, harmful to her privacy, etc. The outcome was that our dd and her friend are not close any longer.

Dd continued working on her book, she said. In May, we found a terrifying tumblr blog in her internet history. Her own, saying she was making herself throw up and full of scary thinspo imagery and words. We confronted her with it and she said it was simply research for her book, getting into character, etc. We believed her since she is beautiful and popular and a normal weight, didn't see any reason to believe otherwise.

Now, we know better. We have proof that she's now really doing it.
She claims that previous time (May) she wasn't REALLY doing it, that it WAS just character research. She claims she has only made herself throw up a handful of times. But I don't know.

We called her pediatrician and were referred to a local Eating Disorder Treatment Center. We have the first appointment tomorrow. Our insurance will not cover any of it; we are going to have to go into debt to deal with this.

Our daughter claims she does want to get treatment but isn't sure how she feels about it.

I find I do not trust a single thing she says or does now and I am constantly living in a traumatized state of fear. Maybe it is much worse than she says. What if something I do or say triggers her to get worse?

We've limited internet use and installed SafeEyes software and she is screaming mad about it. Says we do not trust her and don't respect her and are controlling her and that's why she does bad things in the first place.

Don't know what to do.


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stacey
kpishtey

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Reply with quote  #102 

My daughter recently diagnosed. She is 13 and started high school beginning of this month.  I believe it started in August, she wanted to eat "healthy" which of course I had no problem with.  When I realized she hadnt had her period in a while, took her to general care physician and told her I had concern for her weight. Doc told her she wanted her to gain 6lbs in 3 months and come back.  "Healthy" eating continued and weight loss, went to nutritionist who contacted primary care doc and we now have appointment 2 1/2 hrs away since noone in our area knows how to treat. Have to wait till Oct 6th, and I need to know how to stop any more loss until then. Do I stop allowing her to eat "healthy" now and just make food with more calories? It seems when I push for something other than what she wants or planned, she has a panic attack and threatens harming herself.


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Kim
Heleena

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Reply with quote  #103 

Hi all
This is my first post. We are a family of 4 and live in regional NSW Australia.
I have been following Tilly's thread with much interest as our stories are similar.
My D is 14 and spent 6 weeks over christmas in hospital. I knew very early on that there was a problem with my d's eating but getting the medical profession on board took precious months and in the end I ended up calling everyone I could until I finally fluked someone who could see the urgency and set up an appointment with an ed paediatrician the next day and was immediately admitted to hospital.
The re feeding process was a little too easy compared to others that I know and in hindsight, too compliant.
D has been WR for 8 months and there has been no real change in her attitude and the ed still controls her life (when we are not).
I still take morning tea and lunch to school everyday. She does not feel she can do this on her own(ie eat unsupervised by me or h)
It is only now as we have started to get her to make her own breakfast that we are seeing lots of sobbing and anger and she is now having to have time off school.
I first took her to the GP well over a year ago and that was the first time I saw an. 
It made her sit there stone faced and silent.
I was floored, this was not how I had bought up my children!
She has not uttered a word to anyone in the business of helping her since. That includes the 6 wks in hospital and countless FBT sessions.
She has also become almost silent at home or when with the family. She speaks so softly that I have to ask her to repeat herself many times before I can understand what she is saying. She only speaks when she wants or needs something.
She hates us all but, thankfully, that seems to be par for the course from what I have read.

The above was a few weeks ago when I was desperate for some help.
I have found the exact help I was looking for here on this forum.
I discovered that d goal weight was set too low for brain recovery and am now in the very active process of rectifying the problem.

keepthefaith

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #104 
I'm reading these new introductions and really see how far and wide eating disorders hit our precious daughters & sons.  I can't give much advice since my daughter is still struggling & still underweight but an important thing to remember is to take over the refeeding.  By you preparing her meals relieves her feeling of guilt for eating.  You are giving her no other choice because you're her caregiver & will get her better - and the only way is for her to take & finish her medicine.  Although my d's attitude is healthier now, she still verbally needs us to coax her to eat and finish eating.  She says by following our orders (most eating disorder victims thrive on following rules & pleasing - when the ED isn't prevalent) - the guilt is gone & she doesn't feel as bad about herself. 
Hope this little bit of info helps.  And I've discovered if I hadn't met Laura & found out about Family Based Therapy & taken on the refeeding along with my husband - my d would have been in the hospital.  Now she's on the road to recovery & showing her old self the majority of the day.  There is hope - don't give up & find a counselor who knows about Family Based Therapy - most therapists & psychiatrists don't know about it - at least in my area.  

BigBadBrickWallMamma

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Posts: 324
Reply with quote  #105 
Well, I guess that this my re-introduction. I was on here before but had to go away for a while.

Hi!, I am BBBWM, and I live in Missouri, in America. I have three kids. The two oldest are adults, but the youngest is my D with the ED. She has been restricting for the last six years since a couple of months after her daddy died. It all came to a head in April of this year when she went to Dallas TX to visit some friends and I found her stash of containers of vomit.

When she came home I had researched EDs and decided on FBT, and had talked to people on this board and was ready, I thought. The first couple of days were Hades on earth. She threw food and screamed and yelled. We went to her doctor's office for blood work and it showed that she needed to be in IP. So, since she only had state insurance and I live on a fixed income, we really didn't have much of a choice of where she could go. I found what I thought was a great IP hospital, they said that they did FBT, but it turned out that it wasn't so good, as they also did about four or five other kinds of "therapies". Kind of a scatter gun approach, I think. They decided that my 5'1" daughter was at her target weight of 96lbs and that 2000 calories was more than enough.

D had been seeing a therapist here locally and that therapist and the psychiatrist that we saw and D's pediatrician all agreed to be part of D's support team when she came home and so I thought we had things lined up, but they ended up refusing to help and in fact lied to me. D stayed in IP for three and a half weeks, and things went very badly. I was recently able to see the phych's notes and he triangulated with ED for the very first day. But it wasn't until I contradicted his theory to him via a phone call, that he decided that I was the cause of all of D's problems.

 In the notes I saw lots of accusations and horrible twisting of the facts. I also saw that this very same doctor called my brother and his wife and told them that I was a danger to my daughter and that they should take her from me. He resorted to this after a call to our local child abuse hotline did nothing to keep me from bringing my daughter home. But since I didn't see this until after it all happened, I was blissfully unaware.

 At first when we got D home, she fought me and it was rough. Lots of thrown food and yelling and screaming and "I wish you were dead". But eventually she got used to eating and it wasn't so bad. She gained four lbs in three weeks, even with dealing with a tornado taking out our town and my son losing his apartment. On about week three she started to feel hunger and started feeling hot, both great signs, but it was after she had a very scary reaction to Raglan, the med that was helping her food motility, that she started having problems. The next day we went to see the pediatrician and D saw her weight, that she had finally gotten into the triple digits, and I let her start choosing her own food, based on a recommendation by the ped. That next week she lost three pounds.

I resolved to start all over again and took back the responsibility of food choices and that started a huge meltdown that eventually led to her trying to run out the door and my son shutting the door on her arm and head. It was an accident, but she broadcast far and wide that we had beaten her, and people listened to her. Upon the recommendation of the DFS worker that came to investigate I allowed D to go to TX to visit my aunt so she and I could have some time apart. I was promised that they would follow her food plan to the T, but it was all just a lie to get her down there.  What I didn't know at that time was that the IP hospital doc had encouraged my brother and his wife to take D from me and they had been working with my Aunt to do just that.

They all believed that I was psycho and a child abuser, that I had beaten her and was restraining her and force feeding her. They lied to me about many things, and accused me of being a control freak, and when we drove the 11 hours to pick her up, they hid her from us. I have since seen the reports where they called DFS on me too, and all the horrible things they said about me... By the time we went back down to get her a second time, my brother and his wife had lied to a local judge and they got temporary guardianship of her.

They have had her ever since. We just recently went to court, and the Guardian Ad Litem was convinced that the doctor must have been right since he was the doctor, and that I was a danger to my own child. I am currently waiting to see her, it has been six weeks since I have seen or spoken to her. My family are dragging their feet signing paperwork and so it may be a few weeks more. But we will have family therapy which will also serve as supervised visitation, since it is court ordered. So I hope that we can work this out eventually. In the mean time D has lost four more pounds and was putting very inappropriate pix up on Facebook. So now I am just sitting waiting to see what will happen. I just hope that I am wrong and that she can get better living with them. Nothing would make me happier than to have to say I was wrong and to see her be a success. But I fear that she will only get worse there, because she is still deep in the ED, and she won't make much progress until her brain is properly nourished, but since I seem to be the only one willing to use FBT with her, I don't hold out much hope. I also hope that I can learn from this, from my mistakes in all of this to become a better person and a better mom.

 In any case, I am a rarity in that all of this extra stuff happened. I have the "unique" family dynamics and a child that knew just who to tattle to, and what to say and that along with the ED combined to create a perfect storm. Laura is very adamant that we try to find FBT trained support people, and so I second that since things would not have happened the way they did for me, I think, if I had a local doctor or mental health professional to back me up on this. I believe that all things happen for a reason and this is no exception. Coming on here and talking to the people that have been through the trenches gives me hope, and confidence. Thank you all for that.
Blessings
BBBWM

BeachChairMama

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Reply with quote  #106 

My niece is 14 years old and has just been diagnosed with ED.  My sister went through a messy, painful divorce about 7 years ago and the kids have always been caught in the middle.  My eldest niece, K, has always been a sensitive kid - very smart, kinda shy sometimes, and a "people pleaser".  Not OCD rigid - I've helped bail out her closets enough times over the years - but if something REALLY matters to her she won't rest until it's perfect.  Which is what I guess got her here.

 

She's tall and always has been tall for her age.  She's 5'8.  In years past it was always her younger sister we worried about in the food department.  K ate everything and always had a very sophisticated palate, even at a young age.  Not that she didn't like junk food - she did.  Every summer my sister and I take all of our girls - 5 of them - away for a week's vacation at a sunny, all-inclusive resort where there's nothing but food 24/7.  Two years ago, she and my middle D (a year younger than K), hung out all day sipping cafe latte's drenched in whipped cream and caramel syrup and begged to be allowed to stay up till the midnight chocolate buffet.  There had been one occassion in the past where my sister had called me after seeing K (who was maybe 9 years old at the time) frantically doing sit-ups on her bedroom floor after a visit to her father's house where he had "called her fat".  My sister gave her ex a HUGE blast and we all tried to explain to a 9 year old about being healthy and making good choices.  FYI - she was never fat.

 

My sister started noticing that she was making more careful choices about what she ate this past June.  At first, she was impressed that a 14 year old was avoiding the typical teenage junk-fest and making up shopping lists with Greek yougurt and avacados.  K said she "had a belly" and wanted to get rid of it.  My sister monitored what she was eating, encouraged her to find an activity that she enjoyed to help build up muscle tone, and mentioned a few times that "K is trying to lose weight".  After the second time I asked if she was worried about it because she kept mentioning it, but my sister brushed it aside and said she didn't seem to be doing anything unsafe.  When time came for our annual vacation, I could see that she wasn't eating at all the way she normally did from the get-go so I asked my girls (16 and 13) to just keep an eye on her plate for me on the down-low.  My 16 year old said "No one can hang out with me and not eat cake!" so she started to gently guide K toward the dessert table while the 13 year old encouraged lots of trips up to the bar for (non-alcoholic) Bahama mamas, daiquiris, and mudslides.

 

One day, K was wearing a new two-piece suit with a loose tank top over it and refused all attempts to get her take it off to show off her new suit.  Finally, I said "K, I want to see what you look like in the suit because your mom said you've been losing weight and I'm kinda worried about what you look like under that shirt".  We talked about body image and how she thought she was fat.  I tried to get her to point out to me people near the pool who looked heavy, just right, and too thin.  We talked about her health and how hard it is to see things from someone else's point of view.  Her eating habits for the rest of the week improved - no doubt assisted by a cute French boy who liked a piece or two of chocolate cake after dinner.  And for the rest of the summer, my sister said she did better.  Then school started...

 

K just started 9th grade and the HS in my sister's town is enormous.  K went from a fairly small middle school (one of four or five in town) to a gigantic HS (there is only 1 HS so the classes are very large).  She is a bright kid in advanced classes and the work started to be intense very quickly.  The next time I saw her was in the middle of September at a family party - she didn't eat the same majorly exotic ice cream sundae's the other kids were eating.  Just a plain scoop of ice cream.  But she did eat it.  The weather was cooler that weekend and she wore a sweater with jeans.

 

By the beginning of October my sister was in panic mode.  K's new pants were falling off her and she had given up lattes (actually coffee all together because she can't drink it without milk).  She didn't know what to do.  We talked about calling the school social worker - since it's probable that K's friends are doing the same thing - and/or the school nurse but I'll admit my sister was reluctant because she didn't know how K would react.  They are very much alike and, as a result, frequently go head-to-head.  I've been reminding her that her worry about K has reached back at least to this past July since she kept talking about her losing weight.  Finally, K's father called and blasted my sister about K's weight and how he has to force her to eat a cheeseburger and that he was going to take her to the ER that night.  They had also been having battles all summer (with K blaming her weight-loss on her mother's refusal to buy "healthy foods that are decent to eat"; my sister replied "That's rediculous when she makes up the shopping lists with me!") and my sister said she had a doctor's appointment set with the one doctor that K likes and will listen to. 

 

Since then K's weight has continued to drop by at least a pound a week and my sister's house has become more of a war-zone than ever.  She lashes out physically at her younger sister when she can't "get out of eating" and flew into a rage at her mother after the school nurse called her down to the office to say that she'll be checking her weight weekly to make sure she doesn't pass out in school.  The pediatrician referred them to a ED specialist who follows the Maudsley Method and now here we are.  Today, K locked herself in the bathroom rather than drink an after-school milkshake and when she finally came out, promptly poured it down the sink.  Things are not shaping up to go well at all.

 

My sister HAS to work in order to survive - she could take time off to watch her every second of the day but she wouldn't get paid leave.  How would she pay her bills?  My sister and her ex don't get along at all (he is a controlling bully) and his current wife is now 5 months pregnant.  K will be losing her own bedroom at her dad's house in order to accomodate the new baby, as she will now have to share with my other niece.  She and my other niece do NOT get along - they can get violent - so the idea of a "sibling alliance" seems like a miracle right now.  And my younger niece is a talented gymnast who has a rigorious practice schedule; it's her coping mechanism and the basis of her whole identity. How do you balance the legitimate, life threatening needs of one child with the legitimate, non-life-threatening but still vitally important needs of the other?  What should my sister do about school - how can K's eating be monitored in school?  K challenges everything her mother says just as a reflex; with no guided meal plan she's challenging every morsel of food which is put on her plate saying "You don't know what you're doing.  The doctor didn't say I have to eat x.  There is no nutritional value in that!  It's crap".

 

How do we save K without sacrificing either my other niece or my sister's sanity?  How can I help when I live over an hour away?

 

Hedda

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Posts: 6
Reply with quote  #107 
Mum with a 23 year old D with AN.
She has struggled for nearly six years, but is very much on her way back. It is a long process however, and we've been to countless of therapists who has not helped her very much.
For a year and a half I have been her "supervisor", in the beginning preparing all her meals - these days she prepares them, but I am with her while she eats.

She has had a lot of ups and downs. One year she binged herself up to a normal weight, but got scared and lost more weight than ever. It was after that I decided to take control because with ED in her mind she was not in a position to think and act in a healthy way. Together we've managed to get her very, very close to weight-restored, but there is still challenges, emotions and thought to deal with.

I'm here to seek advice, to feel less alone in this rocky process called recovery.



papyrusUSA

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Posts: 840
Reply with quote  #108 
Hi Hedda,  It sounds like you are on the right path.  It also sounds like you and your daughter are "going it alone", without a professional team.  I know that several people on this forum have been able to do this.  

Have you read the books that are recommended on the F.E.A.S.T web-site?  Help Your Teenager Beat An Eating Disorder, by Lock and Le Grange is a great starter, although I'm now going to get a hold of their Treatment Manual For Anorexia Nervosa: A Family-Based Approach, because as my daughter enters Stage II of treatment, it might give me a better understanding of the rigorous details of this program, rather than the general overview provided by Help Your Teenager.

I'm so happy that you have found us, and I'm sorry if we haven't responded to you sooner.  There was a F.E.A.S.T. conference this week in the States and many of the moderators of this forum were there.

My 18 year old daughter was diagnosed in May and the wonderful people on this forum have made it possible for me help her recover.  You mention that your daughter is close to weight-restored, but still challenged.  How tall is she, and how much does she weigh?  How have you determined her best weight range?  It's so important not to underestimate this range.  

As far as emotional healing goes, it takes time after weight restoration for the mind to heal.  Be patient and continue being vigilant.  You are a caring and loving mother.  Come here often and ask lots of questions.  You are not alone.   

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Papyrus Philadelphia area
eggwhitesonly

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Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #109 

14yr old son,  middle of three boys, tall,  good looking, smart kid, stable family.

 

at 12 yrs,  he was heavy set and got teased.  insecure about his looks and athletic abilities.  older brother is very athletic,  and fit.  starts to eat "healthy" and work out with weights at home a little. 

 

at 13 yrs, he grows a lot and thins out.  we notice him eating a lot less and becoming less social.  has a few anxiety attacks where he sobs uncontrollably and has stomach pains.  he locks himself in the bathroom with weights,  we "catch" him in his room skipping rope, doing pushups and sit ups,  late at night and early in the morning.  he wants to play xbox all the time and watch cooking shows.  not handing in assignments at school,  does no homework but still manages to ace his tests and make it onto the honor role.

 

at 14yrs,  he gets very restrictive with his food choices.  he had always loved a variety of food,  lots of fruit - now he eats no fruit (too high in carbs),  overloads on protein.  wants to have protein powder shakes which we fight over? he wants to get bigger muscles.  joins a gym and insists on going every day.  also works out at home in secret. wants to prepare his own food and won't eat any starches that I prepare.  his clothes are loose and he goes from a size 32 pant to a 28 - he is 5'11".  His weight gets down to 130lbs.  I go to his gp twice with my concerns.  he has no idea what to do about it.  I try to talk to my s about it,  push him to eat more but he does not think there is any problem and laughs that I think he is "anorexic".  it becomes a big joke with him.  he seems to have friends at school but is reclusive otherwise.  does not want to participate in anything outside of school. 

 

last week - he has a total anxiety attack over some trivial thing and admits to me between sobs that the only time he feels good is when he's working out.  tells me that eating the way he does makes him feel in control!  we work out, on paper, a schedule for him day to day ( when he will eat, do homework, workout ).  he says that this makes him feel better (is this a good idea? ) he is making an obvious effort to eat more ( but only certain foods ).  he has gained some weight.  we are making dinner time a priority and try to eat together as many times a week as possible as he seems to eat more then and talk more.  I am weighing him once a week ( I can't tell if he's losing because he wears such baggy clothes ).  my h and I have made him a deal that he has to take one day off a week from the gym and if he starts losing weight again, his gym access will be taken away.  am I doing enough to stop this?  I am so afraid of it escalating. 

sgunther

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Posts: 13
Reply with quote  #110 
Hi Everyone - I am in need of some hope, support and guidance.
My 16 yo d has struggled with an ED for 4 years. She started with bulimia and then anorexia. She also has Aspergers Syndrome (which adds to her high anxiety). We spent a month at Harmony Place in Rochester NY last May where we learned about the Maudsley method. We were doing very well and they sent us home. Of course once we were home it was not as easy to follow the plan. We did well until school began this Fall. She had started to gain weight and began to look and feel better. Once she was out of our watchful eye the restricting and purging started again. We have a nutritionist a pediatrician, a therapist and an ED MD. With all the systems in place she is still not able to follow the plan. She is malnurished, tired /weak her hair is thinning and she has not had her period for 2 years. I thought we were on the right road to recovery. The setback is so hard to handle. I am not sure what to do to get her back to a good place. Any advice is appreciated.

mom44

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Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #111 
Hi Everyone,

I first want to say how relieved I am to have found this site. I posted a week ago for the first time and received an outpouring of support and advice.  Today, I thought i would properly introduce myself.

My AN D is 16 years old and was diagnosed about a year ago.  I live in Michigan with my D, husband, and two sons, one 16 and the other, 9. 

I noticed D was restricting, trying to eat "healthy", and increased the exercise.  The wake up call came one evening when I poked my head inside her lunch bag for the following day and saw a 100 calorie Sara Lee bun with a small amt. of peanut butter spread on and a handful of carrots.  I made an appt. with her pediatrician the next day.  I also approached her about it and she confessed that she had not had a period for 3 months.

She weighed 104 at 5'6" at the dr.'s office.  The dr. said she is not certain she has an eating disorder and referred me to a general nutrition and a psychiatrist whose speciality was psychoanalysis!  Needless to say, we were spinning our wheels and getting nowhere.  I was able to find an ED program through a nearby hospital and my daughter started to see a nutritionist who specializes in ED and a therapist trained in CBT.  Her dr. is runs the ED outpatient program.

Her weight is now up to 113 but she still has a way to go.  As someone mentioned previously, the last 10 pds. seem to be the most difficult.  All meals are currently supervised but the dr. has given her lunch privileges back. Challenge foods are a major issue and I took a dear member's advice and told D ahead of time that I would be introducing a new challenge each week.  She has mastered ice cream, since this has always been her after dinner snack and this week we switched to cookies.  She will ask every minute, while eating the challenge food,"mom, do I have to have this".  I will answer her once and that is it.  As you all know, it is exhausting.

My initial post was in regard to D's brothers, particularly the 9 y.o. boy.  He already has an anxious predisposition and when D's ED rages, his anxiety escalates.  He continually asks if he is fat, has many psychosomatic complaints, and feels his sister hates him.  Prior to ED (I hate ED!!) their relationship was very loving so it is difficult for me to see the relationship severed.  I did tell D that under no circumstances she is to lash out at her brothers.  I told her ED can rant, rave, swear and confront but never her brothers.  I will ask her to leave the room, which she does not, so I end up sending him somewhere where he cannot hear her.  Just this past weekend, my h and went out...a rarity these days...and since D was in a good mood that weekend, I had her babysit.  They got along beautifully and brother was in the best mood, no anxiety.  But of course, ED had to come back full force earlier this week and rear its ugly head.

Regarding meds, d has been on zoloft and prozac, to no avail.  Is starting Luvox today so I am 3 times is a charm.

This is a roller coaster and I am spent.  I know there is no option but to fight and I am determined to but I am just so exhausted.  I work full time and between work, ED, and all of the dr. appts., there is very little time for anything.  I feel I am slighting my other kids and try to spend time with them alone but there is only so much of me. 

Day by day...breathe.  Thanks for listening.

Thank god I found you all.

Nicole
MarkInSavannah

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Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #112 

Hello from Savannah.

 

This is not my first post in this forum but a search of previous postings yielded no returns so I suppose I must start from the beginning.  My Step-D Paige has had an ED since she was 11.  She is the product of a fairly nasty divorce between her mother and father.  The relationship since their divorce has been hostile at best which of course the children recognized from a very early age.  The father, best described as a narcissist who's relationship with his children has been very 'part time' clashes with their mother who's guilt over the divorce compelled her to be overly doting, but very loving.

 

Paige was an outstanding gymnast who earned a number of GA State junior titles up until she was forced from the program because of her ED.  She has been to Remuda in Virginia twice since her diagnosis, returning home looking healthy and vibrant.  Unfortunately, under the surface the symptoms of her ED came to the forefront from almost the minute she returned.  She has been in and out of local hospitals here in Savannah four times over the course of the last year and a half and is currently in the hospital for another round of refeeding.  She had a gastric tube emplaced last month but she continues to resist any and all attempts at bolus feedings, insisting on slowing consuming frozen bottles of the Ensure she's been prescribed.

 

Her latest stint in the hospital is the result of her caregivers and our recognition that she isn't gaining weight at a satisfactory rate and it is suspected that she continues to manipulate her night time feedins via the infusion pump.  This was confirmed just yesterday as she finally conceded that she has been 'messing' with the pump at night.  I am very fearful for my wife's welfare as the stress over the last three months has been quite consuming and she really is beginning to lose any sense of hope that her daughter will 'snap out of it' and recognize that what she is doing to herself is going to kill her.

 

I feel a level of impotence as I'm still something of a third wheel, not agreeing with the current course of home treatment as Paige continues to be allowed too much say in her refeeding program.  What's worse, when she goes to her father's residence every other weekend, I'm convinced that he is not dedicated to the necessary safeguards that we at least try to employ as his social life always seems to take precedence.

 

Physically, Paige is 4'10" and currently weighs 52 pounds.  I think it safe to say that she has yet to have her period and the damage she is doing to her body is something I'm not quite prepared to think of right now.  She is also displaying some of the manifestations of what I think is the onset of OCD as she is very particular about hand washing, hygiene, and many other detail oriented tasks.  I don't know if this is something that goes hand in hand with an ED or just something that takes her mind from food.

 

I'm really getting desperate, not just for Paige's welfare but for my wife's as well.  We've leveraged our homes to the hilt to pay for Paige's treatment and recognize that whatever treatment she receives from this point onward, will have to be at the local level.  Unfortunately, the Savannah area has little in the way of specialists who are experienced in treating ED's.  Paige is an extremely intelligent young lady who has demonstrated the ability to manipulate her mother and other people around her.  I feel the deck is stacked against us as Paige continues to reach out to others she met in treatment who I'm certain are offering tips on how to fight against the best efforts to get her better.

 

MarkInSavannah

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Reply with quote  #113 

Hello from Savannah.

 

This is not my first post in this forum but a search of previous postings yielded no returns so I suppose I must start from the beginning.  My Step-D Paige has had an ED since she was 11.  She is the product of a fairly nasty divorce between her mother and father.  The relationship since their divorce has been hostile at best which of course the children recognized from a very early age.  The father, best described as a narcissist who's relationship with his children has been very 'part time' clashes with their mother who's guilt over the divorce compelled her to be overly doting, but very loving.

 

Paige was an outstanding gymnast who earned a number of GA State junior titles up until she was forced from the program because of her ED.  She has been to Remuda in Virginia twice since her diagnosis, returning home looking healthy and vibrant.  Unfortunately, under the surface the symptoms of her ED came to the forefront from almost the minute she returned.  She has been in and out of local hospitals here in Savannah four times over the course of the last year and a half and is currently in the hospital for another round of refeeding.  She had a gastric tube emplaced last month but she continues to resist any and all attempts at bolus feedings, insisting on slowing consuming frozen bottles of the Ensure she's been prescribed.

 

Her latest stint in the hospital is the result of her caregivers and our recognition that she isn't gaining weight at a satisfactory rate and it is suspected that she continues to manipulate her night time feedins via the infusion pump.  This was confirmed just yesterday as she finally conceded that she has been 'messing' with the pump at night.  I am very fearful for my wife's welfare as the stress over the last three months has been quite consuming and she really is beginning to lose any sense of hope that her daughter will 'snap out of it' and recognize that what she is doing to herself is going to kill her.

 

I feel a level of impotence as I'm still something of a third wheel, not agreeing with the current course of home treatment as Paige continues to be allowed too much say in her refeeding program.  What's worse, when she goes to her father's residence every other weekend, I'm convinced that he is not dedicated to the necessary safeguards that we at least try to employ as his social life always seems to take precedence.

 

Physically, Paige is 4'10" and currently weighs 52 pounds.  I think it safe to say that she has yet to have her period and the damage she is doing to her body is something I'm not quite prepared to think of right now.  She is also displaying some of the manifestations of what I think is the onset of OCD as she is very particular about hand washing, hygiene, and many other detail oriented tasks.  I don't know if this is something that goes hand in hand with an ED or just something that takes her mind from food.

 

I'm really getting desperate, not just for Paige's welfare but for my wife's as well.  We've leveraged our homes to the hilt to pay for Paige's treatment and recognize that whatever treatment she receives from this point onward, will have to be at the local level.  Unfortunately, the Savannah area has little in the way of specialists who are experienced in treating ED's.  Paige is an extremely intelligent young lady who has demonstrated the ability to manipulate her mother and other people around her.  I feel the deck is stacked against us as Paige continues to reach out to others she met in treatment who I'm certain are offering tips on how to fight against the best efforts to get her better.

 

felicimombo

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Reply with quote  #114 
I am new to all this to tell the truth, and am as terrified, guilty, worried and just plain scared as you are, too.  I'm the mom of a wonderful, 25 year-old woman who lives about 800 miles away.  When I went to visit her for mom-daughter time a few weeks ago, she had a surprise for me:  we were going to a therapy appointment together.

Now her dad and I have known "E" was in therapy, because she told us.  Actually she's been going since January.  Since she is an adult, we haven't asked what the substance of the therapy has been, only if it is helpful.  Every time we ask, she says it is.  That day the therapist told me E has an ED.  E elaborated.  She cried.  I cried, and felt like I was gasping for air.  I was so unprepared for this.  The therapist said it's anorexia, which is puzzling because my daughter is not thin.  I don't understand this part at all.  While I was visiting, we ate meals together, and she did eat, except for one where she had just a couple of bites.

She has gathered herself a team of professionals, all with ED specialities-- a therapist, a nutrition center, a physician.  That's a really good sign.  And she's keeping her full-time, retail job going.  I know that all those are positive things.

So here I am far away, crying my eyes out reading books about anorexia, feeling guilty, sad, terrified, lost...I'm sure you know the feeling.  What do I ask? Say? Do? Not ask? Not say? Not do?  I feel like I am walking on small ice floes and don't know how to take any steps. 

There aren't any support groups within 60 miles of gnarly traffic, or I'd be there, so I'm trying this "type into space" approach, hoping there is someone out there listening.  If so, I'd love to hear from you.

Nazeeya

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Reply with quote  #115 
Fall 2009 - Thirteen year old daughter in grade 8 has a charismatic teacher who used to be overweight as a teenager and is now vegetarian and slim.  Talks to the kids a lot about social justice issues and food ethics.

Winter 2010 - Thirteen year old daughter quits synchronized swimming that she has been doing for several years because she now finds it way too cold.

Spring 2010 - Now 14,  becomes vegetarian, cuts out junk food.   

Summer 2010 - Salads become food of choice, loses weight during summer - we express our concern insisting this is a time to be growing and gaining weight. (We ask ourselves "Is this the beginning of an eating disorder?")

Fall 2010 - Express concern to doctor, has gone from 75th to 30th percentile for weight (Still at 95th for height).  (Doctor says still OK weight but can not lose more). Stock kitchen with good foods - weight comes back up and by Christmas seems to be eating well. (Started talking to D about eating disorders, though D says who would want one of those, I explain that no one gets an eating disorder on purpose, well, she assures me she doesn't have one.)

Winter 2011 -  It wasn't until winter that I realized that eating was causing her anxiety - even though she gained weight there was obviously a psychological struggle going on - so I made an appointment with the social worker.  Night before appointment D confides with me struggles about eating.  Daughter and social worker agree to arrange referral to Eating Disorder Clinic.  

Spring 2011- Referral is made by doctor, appointment scheduled for September.  

Summer 2011 - Starts summer 20 pounds heavier than lowest weight from previous fall,  but loses weight through summer.  Willingly fills out myriad of forms required for first Eating Disorder Clinic appointment.  I get all the books the clinic recommends.  Clinic uses Maudsley/FBT approach!

Fall 2011 - D, now 15, diagnosed with ED-NOS (a few check marks short of AN) along with generalized anxiety.  Weekly appointments begin with the whole family.

D thinks she can gain weight herself without us using Magic Plate-type system, since she did it herself last fall with us making sure there was lots of good food in the house.  A few kg come on in first few weeks, then 1 off, then steady, then 1 on, then 1 off - at 8 weeks only 1 kg up. 

She makes her breakfast, we make the lunch. Somewhere in there I started providing a smoothie after school.  I serve the portion onto her plate at dinner (and to the other family members too), though we do not insist she eat it all, and she usually leaves some. She chooses her snacks in the evening.  I channel everything I have ever learned about mindfulness - and make being calm, caring, compassionate no matter what happens my highest purpose in life.

D thinks not gaining in last few weeks because cold/sickness affected her appetite.  She is sure she can gain weight.  We tell her we will let her keep trying until January, but if not significant weight gain by then, then we will start using techniques listed here - she does not like the sound of this at all and expects we will see terrible backlash.  We tell her she has time to turn this around.  Social worker is a great support to D and our family.

Then we start talking about getting a puppy.  D and whole family get busy researching puppies.

D starts accepting more and more foods that several weeks ago she would not have considered - she adds yogourt and hardy home-made granola to the the mainly fruit breakfast she used to make for herself.   I keep increasing portion size at dinner, so though she doesn't finish it all, she is eating a good amount, she adds extra grated cheese onto her pasta, she agrees to add frozen desserts after some meals.  I shop a lot to keep the kitchen stocked with lots of foods.

D starts each session with the social worker one-on-one, then we come in.  D has been crying, but social worker says it has been a good week. It is week 11 and her weight is up 3.5 kg from when we started. She finds it scary but she is doing what she has to do.

Late fall - D gets her first period!  One more step along the long road to recovery!

January - Because of Christmas and exams have only had one appointment each month but weight has increased a little more, happy and outgoing.  Puppy keeps us all busy. Has agreed to join a teen group about anxiety. 

February - Very bad mood one day,  not wanting as big a meal because of afternoon snacking, mad at me for giving her too much, says that she won't eat any of it.  Is ED back?  Down 1 kg. Taking no chances  - back to weekly appointments.  Seems to be doing ok again.

So glad to have found this community for support!

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Nazeeya
3katz_USA

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Reply with quote  #116 
Well it feels a bit painful to rehash all we have been through, so I will only give a brief sketch.  D is almost 16.  We are approaching 2 years fighting AN.  In those two years she has not attended much school, and has had multiple IP stays, outpatient partial day and IOP, private therapy, residential.  The second residential stay of many months gave dramatic improvement in her emotional outlook, coping skills, and ability to talk with us about her illness, her feelings, etc.  But she was not home long before she began to restrict again.  She is back IP and on residential waiting lists again.  I am exploring FBT options but there are no resources closer than a 3 hour drive and my husband is not on board with this yet.  Have been reading posts on this forum for background and help in visualizing what this would look like for us.  We have done a lot of reading. I am hoping that this is a model of therapy that will be more sustainable for the long haul, but it is daunting.

Had to laugh - saw someone's comment about needing to be a "rock in a frock".  Great phrase, I am just worried that I will end up instead as a "mess in a dress"!!!

I've already had great support from some of the moderators on this site with worries yesterday.  How wonderful that you all have created this resource to help other families.  Many thanks.  I will update as decide what to do. 

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perdido

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Reply with quote  #117 
D was born around 37 weeks and had a normal delivery. Grew fine until puberty. Changed schools for high school in another town, 55 miles away, older D switched also. Had a hard year being challenged for the first time, also all girls school. We thought she was ADHD at one point because she was having trouble concentrating, started meds for a month, then went off of them as they didnt help much. By March, she was blue in hands and feet. Took her to rheumatologist and he said Raynauds which runs on my side. Tried to keep her warm. Never suspected anything else. End of school I had knee surgery and girls had to stay with grandmother in town with school, D was panicked and wanted to come home every night. This was for the last 1- 1/2 weeks of school exams. School over and same grandmother diagnosed with breast cancer. D's aunt by the same name died of breast cancer just before her birth, hence Ds name. Grandmother was 88 and all responsibility for grandmother is mine, even though she has 8 children. I don't mind, I love this lady and would move heaven and earth for her. I had to be away in the next town to take care of her for about a month, not every night but lots of time during the day. Dance for D was winding down for the year and she asked if she could join the gym, we said yes. H would take her on his way to work and pick her up a couple of hours later. Told D that she would have to increase calories for exercise, she agreed. D started cooking dinner every night and cleaning and watching cooking show. Still suspected nothing. Before camp in July o thought she just looked off and had H take her to his clinic and draw bloodwork. At this point D was eating very healthy, no junk food, fruit yogurt and cereal, started being on my radar. Bloodwork fine, went to camp for two weeks. Came back thin, weighed her, loss of 7 pounds. Told her she needed to gain it back. Before school startedi noticed a small breakfast and she cried why do I have to eat more. Had H weigh her and she had lost 1 more pound, had not gained any back. School started and 2 weeks in I said that she needed to eat more and she cried over a banana. Got a referral from the school of a ED program, called H and said, set it up. D admitted to purging at camp for 2 weeks, told her to please not do that. At a loss of how we got to this point. Appointment with ED clinic still a week away, I was very frightened. Asked H to call a favor and get a sooner appointment, he refers to this hospital for 16 years and trained there, and has never asked a favor. Recieved an appt. the following week, D listless , blue, confused, crying all the time, scared. Told her we suspected an ED. She was panicked, as were as. Had Ds braces taken off, worried about the purging. H said that ED doc worried when heart rate less tha. 50. I took pulse, 52-53. Went for appointment and they agreed this was EDNOS. In shock, did EKG, pulse 41, sen immediately to inpatient for heart rate. Spent 2 weeks there, family in shock. I started reading everything I could and found Maudsley! Told h we were doing this, as I couldn't stand for her to come home and starve herself. H agreed. Tried working with original team for a month and found it to be smoke and mirrors. No therapy, no meds, no nothing. Continued plating up the food and serving it. D left hospital 3 pounds less than when she went in. D having horrible nightmares so we put her mattress on the floor next to our bed. Called ED doc and asked for something- meds, therapy, something and she said- you have to send her away! I think I called 2 dozen therapists that day and came back to the FEAST website . Found the only FBT in our state 2 1/2 hours away. Called and left long detailed message for her about D. Tried to set up inpatient a couple of out of state places in the meantime. FBT called the next morning and spoke with me for 45 minuts and said I will work with you and your D. Come in 2 days! This is our story. Grandmother the same one who had breast cancer said upon hearing Ds diagnosis said, I had this, I just don't think it had a name. H has realized that a couple of his sisters have had this and one of Ds cousins has also had an ED. Hs mother still remains very much with ED behaviors at 89.
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Slow and steady
3zgmom

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Reply with quote  #118 

My daughter was diagnosed with AN in October but I noticed in August and September she has restricted her food intake and was losing weight.  We are working with a Nutritionist and Therapist weekly, pediatrician monthly.  Thanksgiving went very well, no anxiety about eating but its been downhill every since.  She seems to be getting worse.  She doesn't want to follow the meal plan, constantly counts calories, doesn't want to eat with other members of the family, doesn't even want to be around other family members, and just today said she's tired of eating and just wants to stop. But she did eat.  I feel like she's in control and I am not.  My most pressing questions at this time are; at what point do you decide an in-house or residential treatment center is needed?, and secondly, how do you know your 'team' is working?  I have a lot of confidence in the therapist but not so much with the nutritionist.  The pediatrician just seems nervous and not particularly helpful.  Any advice or guidance would be much appreciated.  I know we have a long road ahead of us but I'm starting to panic as I feel like we're sliding in the wrong direction.  She's continuing to lose weight.


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3zgmom
kp29

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Reply with quote  #119 
Hi, this is my first post on this so forgive me if a ramble on, not sure how much information is needed. I live in Scotland. We are a family of 5 and were a happy family until the death of my Mother in Oct 2009. My 17 yr old daughter was diagnosed with en e.d last year, she has been attending CAMHS for, initailly depression (after the death of her grandmother) and then the e.d became apparent. She has been on sertraline for about 8 months and has been doing C.B.T for over a year, with no improvement. As she is 17 we have been very much "kept out" until the last couple of months, which is very frustrating!!!! Last month my Husband and I had a meeeting with someone who does F.B.T. My Husband and I have agreed to this but so far my Daughter is refusing, she has came to 2 appoinments and we're due there today to start implementing F.B.T but she is still refusing to come. My Daughter says she doesn't want to get better, this is who she is and we can't "force" her to get better. My Husband and I are very upset, frustrated, you name it! as we want to help her, not just for her but for all our family as this is obviously affecting everyone. Hope this isn't too much of a ramble 

kp

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kirsti
breathingmomUSA

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Reply with quote  #120 
My daughter is 13 and was diagnosed with AN earlier this year when she was 12. This is my first post. We live in rural Tennessee, USA, with very few local resources related to eating disorders.  My daughter has a twin sister who is not suffering from an ED. My husband and I are are separated but are working to co-parent our daughters as best we can. 

I noticed late last year (2010) that my daughter seemed to be interested and watchful around food, but eating less.  At the same time, she was getting into running and loved it.  This was something she was good at; she has not had an easy time as an adolescent (not able to easily relate to her peers) and she entered local races and did really well in her age group. 

The running increased and the eating decreased.  We took her to her pediatrician in March who said our daughter was at an okay weight but was in danger of developing anorexia if she did not make a point of eating more to compensate for the running.  She recommended a Boost every night.  We started this and it lasted two days before d went went into full rebellion.  I got her an appointment with an eating disorders program at a university three hours away; it took about 3 weeks for us to get in.  In the meantime,  d got alarmingly thin very quickly, and more and more angry as we tried to get her to eat.

Once the university program examined her, they recommended hospitalization.  We tried at home for a few more days, then took her to the hospital.  She was in for two weeks.   The program advocates a family based approach and told us the kind of role we should play with d when she was released; however there was no focused training or enough coaching/support for us as parents after d got out of the hospital.  Part of the problem is that we live so far away; there was a parent support group that met weekly in Nashville for awhile but it was a three hour drive each way and I couldn't take part. There is basically no ED expertise or infrastructure in our rural region.

D maintained and built on the weight gain in the hospital over the next six months. She was periodically seeing the MD, social worker and nutritionist at the ED program. We got her a therapist, but again, there are very few knowledgeable resources in our area. She was gradually allowed to exercise again.  

However, starting in September d started struggling more.  According to her, it was unfair that her exercise was limited and she was sick of all the focus on her eating.  She just wanted to "eat like a normal person." Except she couldn't. It's been very, very rocky since then.  She started losing weight and engaged in extremely defiant behavior (e.g. throwing food, pouring out drinks on the floor, knocking over lamps, etc.).  We did out best to support and encourage her but things got worse and worse.  She's at a residential ED program now and I am trying to do everything possible to prepare for her return and reintegration into the family.  

D is being exposed to lots of new thinking/tools/support in her program and the program stresses family involvement (but it's in another state so right now we're skyping for family therapy). They do bring the family onsite halfway through treatment. I love d and am 100% committed to doing all I can for her health and recovery At the same time in all honesty I sometimes wonder how it's possible to maintain one's calmness, positive engagement, firmness and humor in situations with d when I'm so scared and so badly want her to just EAT the freaking food in front of her.  I'm trying to learn as much as I can about FBT, how others have helped their loved ones and how to make it work on a daily basis.

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Daughter (16) diagnosed with AN at age 12 1/2. She's weight restored and eating freely.

Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle and a victory. -Gandhi
kecmom

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Reply with quote  #121 

My daughter is 13 and was diagnosed with AN in mid-September. We live in Kansas City area, USA.  We have decent local resources related to eating disorders.  We also have an 11 year old daughter and a 4 year old son.

Back in May, my daughter decided that she wanted to eat "healthier."  (I consider us a pretty average/normal family as far as our eating habits.  We eat home cooked meals most nights.  Eat out/take out/ convenience food a night or two a week.  We try to do the protein/starch/vegetable type of meal when we cook.  We eat a variety of different foods - red meat, chicken, fish, etc.  So I consider the family to have fairly healthy/typical eating habits.)  Over the summer, she checked out every edition of "Eat This, Not That" book from the library and read them cover to cover (with lots of notes and post-its).  Her restricting/constraints increased as time passed, resulting in continued weight loss.  She started out as what I would consider a "thin" child (always in the 20-25% for weight at checkups), so she didn't have much room to lose weight.  She also developed new behaviors of pacing all of the time, hula-hooping when reading (and we later discovered that she was secretly doing sit-ups and push-ups in her room all of the time).  We saw family and friends at the end of the Summer (that hadn't seen my daughter for several months, if not longer) and received several comments/questions on her appearance and eating habits. 

I know that deep down, my husband and I knew there was a problem, but I think we were somewhat in denial too (I know at least I was).  It wasn't how I "pictured" AN since my daughter eat something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  And usually even a snack or two.  The problem was what she was eating (and how little the portions were).  So when she went back to school in late August, I finally made an appointment with our pediatrician.  Based on my daughter's weight loss and "food issues", our pediatrician agreed with my husband and I that there was a problem, and referred us to a group of eating disorder specialists (therapists and nutritionists).  My daughter was opposed to seeing a therapist but was okay with seeing a nutritionist, so for the first couple weeks we only saw the nutritionist and tried to figure out things she could do to increase the calories she was taking in.  During that time, she continued to lose weight.  We started seeing the therapist after a couple of weeks, and she put my daughter on a meal plan (meal plan designed by the nutritionist) at her first appointment. 

For the first couple of weeks (late September), I let my daughter stay in control of her eating as long as it met the nutritionist's requirements (and I approved it), as that seemed "easier" to me and at least she was eating.  During that time, she stopped losing weight, but she became fairly seriously depressed (suicidal thoughts, hours of crying several days a week), and she wasn't gaining weight.  Starting in early October, our therapist/nutritionist instructed my husband and I to take the control of her eating and that what we've been doing for the last couple months.  So we sort stumbled on to family based treatment for re-feeding our daughter.  (And she got on medication to help with the depression, which was a huge help.)

To date (about two months into re-feeding), we are about half way to weight recovered (but we haven't checked her height recently, so that number is likely further out now).  Physically, she is doing significantly better.  Mentally, she has her ups and downs.  And we are very thankful for the resources we have available locally. 

And I am reading every book I can find on the subject and now found this forum to help me through her recovery.  Right now, my biggest struggles are how far to push on "fear" foods and not getting caught up in an argument with her when ED is doing the talking.

 

Stressedmom_US

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Reply with quote  #122 
I have been reading this site, benefiting tremendously from all of your knowledge every day for weeks.  As I'm sure you will all understand though when Ed comes into your life there is very little time for anything else and until now I just have not been able to sit down long enough to write this.  Even now I should be working.

My daughter first started dieting in June.  She was never overweight but had a very little bit of a tummy that made her unhappy.  She was heading into high school and I thought she was just anxious about fitting in.  As the summer went on she began restricting her diet more and more each week.  By the time school started in September she was trying to live on salad, miso soup and maybe a small plain chicken breast here and there that we forced on her. I don't know what she weighed when the diet started but in October 2010 at her last physical before Ed appeared I know she weighed around 155 (she is about 5'7" now was about 5'6" then - she has always been around the 90th+ percentile for height and weight since birth).

Also over the late summer I started having my own issues with severe shoulder pain.  In early Sept I was diagnosed with a bad frozen shoulder.  Since then I have been on and off pain killers and in PT three times a week.  September was horrible for me because the pain was out of control in the beginning,  

By the end of September, however, even with the pain I started to panic over my shrinking daughter.  She would not tell me what she weighed but the drastic change was obvious even with her preference for baggy clothes.  By the second week in October I got her pediatrician to give us an emergency appointment.  She was down to 119 and her blood tests were all off.  She referred us to an eating disorder specialist who we saw a week later. She was 117 by then, her heart rate was in the low 50's.  D's new doctor recommended the Maudsley approach and the hunt for a therapist began. We pulled her off her sports team.   Even before we found a therapist we began refeeding as best we could the next day.  It took a couple of weeks to get a therapist set up but we are now in  week seven(since we started on our own) of refeeding.   D is still in school but it is hard.    The biggest continuing issue with school is lunch but that is a whole other thread.  Just returned from a meeting with the Vice Principle.  As of last Friday D was up 7 lbs on the doctor's scale from her first appointment.  We weigh in every week with the FBT and had shown about a lb a week gain until two weeks ago when we hit 2.5 lbs in a week.  Last week (including over Thanksgiving weekend) she dropped 3 lbs for the first time after spending 5 days with her dad at relatives for the holiday.  We have our FBT and weigh in tomorrow and I am  hoping we are back up.

As for family background, I'm a single mom with a full time + job and an hr and half commute each way.  I wish I could just stay home and devote myself to this more but I have the only paycheck that pays the mortgage.  I've been taking a lot of vacation days and wheedling a rare work at home day (not happily given) to help deal with this and my own medical issues.  I have a younger D who is 11 who had a lot of trouble with the changes at first but seems to finally be adjusting.  My brother, D's uncle has been here to help a lot.  He is a grad student and is able to be here after school until I get home for now.  D's father is involved and comes to FBT.  He wants to help and wants to see his daughter get better but it hasn't been all smooth sailing on that front.  Just trying to take it day by day.  Some days are just overwhelming though.
papyrusUSA

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Reply with quote  #123 
Stressedmom,  It seems like you're doing a great job!  I hope you can continue to marshal support from the school and from your family and friends to help you help your daughter.  Please come here often and ask questions.  Sorry you have had to find us, but we are here to support you.  Keep the weight coming on. The sooner your daughter's weight is restored, the sooner her brain can heal.
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Papyrus Philadelphia area
Amyame

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Posts: 6
Reply with quote  #124 

New here, and so happy to find this site. SHould be working, but I need to vent. Our D is 15 and was diagnosed with Generalized Disordered Eating 2 days ago. She will be starting Intensive Outpatient Program next week, 3 days a week from 5p-9p; there's a family program as well, yea!

 

Always a stubborn kid, she was vegetarian at age 11 (animal lover) and was so strict then, not with portions but with types of food. THen she was off, on, etc. until last year started eating very healthy. Fine, we're a healthy eating family, I cook healthy, work out moderately, etc. We went to the farmers markets and picked out good stuff. Then she started on the "no carb" phase, regardless of healthy. This summer she continued with "no sugars" phase. September she started 10th grade and there were issues with friends and school, and around that time she started weighing her food (even lettuce) and measuring portions. She became mean to us if we ate lasagna, saying, "I can't belive you'd eat that!" Began losing a lot of weight and started exercising, becoming obssessed. If she ate a few cookies, the next day she would get diarrhea, and I snooped and found laxatives in her drawer. I didn't confront her because I want to keep whatever trust is still there, but I made the clinic aware.

 

Took her to a psyciatrist, diagnosed depressed and ED. On Prozac since October. Tried therapy first, as she has much anxiety, OCD and the depression. Plus, there is depression on both sides of the family. The depression is a lot better, but the dr. insisted on going to a specialist.

 

Next week we start our therapy. D is very anxious about eating in front of others and thinks the food there will be fattening. She seems happy otherwise (for a teenager, that's not saying a lot) but if the program or ED comes up, she gets very angry, yells at us and will not talk about anything.

 

It's so frustrating and heartbreaking to think my adorable little girl is going through such pain. I'm lucky I have a supportive husband and a clinic 30 min away. ANd I'm thrilled to have found this community - my friends are supportive but there's nothing like the support of people who are going through this with you!


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Amy
CdnMom

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Posts: 9
Reply with quote  #125 
Our little story/background....

My husband and I have been married for 11 years... we have 2 daughters, 9 years old and 4 years old.  We live in Canada.

Our daughter was diagnosed end of October 2011 with Anorexia.  She turned 9 in July and started Grade 4 in September of this year.

In grades 2 and 3 she was bullied by a group of girls in her class, continuously being told that she couldn't play with them at recess and lunch hour, was told that she lived to far way from everyone and that she just didn't fit in.  We started off by guiding her at home on how to deal with this situation and eventually had to get the teacher involved.  After a few months of things going smoothly, things started to turn again and the bullying continued.  Mid way through grade 3, we took our concerns to our principal who had an action plan in place within 48 hours (to say he was mortified that this had been going on for so long was an understatement - the teacher had not made him aware of the situation).  We ended the school year off on a great note, and my daughter actually saying she had a best friend.

During this time, my daughter not only struggled socially but she struggled academically.  She received reading help 2x per day, every day.  At the beginning of grade 3, she was at the level of a grade 1 reader (mid way through the year).  It was at the end of grade 2 that I decided to leave my job so that I could be there for her after school to do any home work and work with her on her reading. With a lot of research we met with her pediatrician January of 2011 and she was diagnosed with ADD with the inability to process information and retain information.  She was started off on 18 mg of concerta... which quickly lead to 36 mg... and now 12 months later we are at 54mg.  Within the first month of being on concerta we saw a complete 180 degree turn in her school work and interest in reading and other things.  She was a child who grew up not being able to engage her imagination (never played with toys, could not color, draw or do a craft without direction), and during this time of trialing dosages of her medication we saw her blossom into a very creative and independent little girl.

When we started the concerta, we were told that the #1 side affect is weight loss and to keep an eye on her as we increased her dosage.  During each increase her pediatrician monitored her weight and had lots of chats with her regarding how "she" felt she was doing on the meds.   Everything was good.  Although she had lost a couple of pounds it was nothing to be concerned about (that was August 2011)

When she started back at gymnastics in September after a few weeks of being off, the head coach at our gym asked to speak to me as she had some major concerns about our D's weight and how thin she was looking.  I knew she had lost a few pounds but didn't think it was anything to be worried about.  I let things go for another few weeks until I found out that parents were talking about her (when I wasn't there) and how thin and frail she was looking wondering if she was ill.  When we got into see the pediatrician, she had lost 10lbs in a very short amount of time - approx 3 months.  After talking to D at the pediatrician's office, she did confirm that she was restricting what she was eating and preferred to only eat fruit and veggies.  When asked about meats, eggs and other proteins, she replied that they were ok but small amounts.... when asked about grains, pastas and rice she said that they aren't good for you.

We were immediately referred to the Children's Hospital and are seeing a dietician that specializes in ED.   We've had one appt, and go back for a weight check Jan 11th.   Just when I feel like we are making progress, we take 5 steps back.   I feel like we're dancing this dance alone, as we don't know how to tell people about her illness.

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Jan 2011 - D (8.5 yrs old) 68lbs
Nov 2011 - D (9 yrs old) 58.6lbs

Kat
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