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KLB Show full post »

That’s interesting re labelling emotions...my D really struggled with that too and recognising that a small tummy ache wasn’t going to kill her although you would have thought so judging by her reaction. She does find that much easier now though. 

Mamy people say what you have said about EMDR but there wasn’t one particular incident that we could pinpoint to say “ah ha, that’s the traumatic incident and where it all stems from.”  She describes it as losing the emotion attached to the negative memories (feeling fat and being scared of fat). She still recalls the memories but they don’t affect her now. 

Good luck with whatever you choose. You’ve come so far in your journey. please don’t see this as anything other than a learning point. You will come through it and move forward again. 


I don’t really know what to advise, KLB. You have done a such a good job. I was just wondering if your son has any dreams for his future that do not revolve around swimming. Is there  a dream job/profession he aspires to? Is that something to tap into? Would he be able to talk to someone in that field that may inspire him? Then after COVID maybe  he could shadow that person on the job? 

I think CBT or DBT may be helpful to him. My eldest did DBT and I do feel it really helped her. Would he do any arts or crafts to show his emotions rather than voice them?  My eldest loves plants and she finds picking plants, potting them, making beautiful terrariums very therapeutic. When she gets upset she does more plant things to self soothe. Gets expensive  when she ‘has to have’ that rare plant, though.

Sending my best always, that things get easier for you soon.

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
I feel for you KLB and your dear s
my d had to give up the love of her life (dance)for a while (at the time it was SO SO hard for her as it was her life, her social circle, her work, but she was SO SO ill she could no longer use up any precious energy/calories she had, plus ending up in emergency admittance to hospital  is a sure way to stop an exersize compulsion)
but when discharged of course she tried to go back, even though not participating in as many sessions, this resulted in 2 more hospitalisations not to mention the heartache and pain this caused her not to mention the years of her life lost 🙁
now she teaches and LOVES that, but she no longer participates or competes like she used to
could your s do a coaching/mentoring role to the younger swimmers? Maybe this is something he could work towards once he is in stronger recovery??
my d has also had to learn to be more kind to her body 
walks on the beach at sunset either with her dogs or with a friend 
enjoying resting and relaxation and enjoying the beauty in nature
she also likes to inspire/advocate and educate others on the difficulties of living and recovering with an ED
my d also struggles with sleeping well
we try to support her with work/rest flexibility she works part time in office work and also teaches a few hours a week
she HAS to have time for self care, she knows this 
this was the kid who did not stop before she got sick, from the minute she was up till she went to bed she did not stop
she knows she cant do this anymore and her career in her beloved sport has changed and we have all grieved that but life moves on and she is living a good life and I’m so proud of her 
even though your s may not be able to swim competitively as he wanted to perhaps looking at a coaching role might be possible?
is there some kind of role he can play in the swim club he is involved with?
is their any courses that your s could look into doing into the future?
is he studying atm ?
it’s hard hard hard when the only thing they want to do is detrimental to their health and WR 
but your s seems to understand what he needs to do and he sounds in a much better place than my d was 
but I must say also the situation sounds similar 
to when my d ended up in hospital, I couldn’t longer keep up with the shopping/cooking/stress etc I was burnt out and please take care of yourself won’t you 
it has taken years but my d now accepts where she’s at and the smile on her face when she talks to me about her students melts my heart 
she teaches (dance) a few hours a week
my d also needed medication to help with her depression and anxiety, she is no longer on the anxiety and sleep meds but continues on the anti depressants (WR obviously needed before any medications effective, many told me WR would solve everything but this is not so in every case) I’m sure you already would know this 
they are also looking at possible ADHD but not dx as yet, when I think back my d has been overactive since a toddler, we always just thought she was the “sporty type”
anyway I’m not sure if any of this helps? Just throwing a few ideas out there 
tomorrow is a new day
all the best

My son (10 yo non ED) has trouble putting his emotions in words, someone suggested that instead of asking him how you feel, what emotion (he would say "I don't now", or "bad"), to ask where do you feel the emotion (stomach, chest, throat), what colour is it, what size, is it cold or hot. It has worked for us, maybe you can try something like that with your son?
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding

Thanks for your support/input. Teecee, I am so pleased your D is doing so well. It’s so lovely to read about all her good progress and moments. You are both an inspiration to many I’m sure. I’m keeping EMDR in my back pocket for now but I will revisit it should CBT not work. I have actually enrolled on two online courses, Diploma in CBT and Diploma in Counselling Skills, so I can get a better understanding of how I can help him at home. We will send him to a proper CBT therapist of course, and I hope that I’ll be able to properly reinforce what he learns from the therapist at home. 


Enn, he’s occasionally talked about being a Paramedic like his uncle and that’s likely what he’ll do if he decides to go to university. He would want to be able to go to a uni that’s linked with one of the high level national swim programmes but we haven’t really looked into the logistics of it. I wouldn’t say it’s a dream though...his only dream has always been to swim at the Olympics. Arts and crafts aren’t really his thing. I’ve tried model making, drawing, painting, colouring with him as distractions and he’s not interested. I even tried to get him to have a go at cross stitching but he looked at me like I was mad. 


PleaseEat, your D sounds in tune with what she needs, which is wonderful. What a shame about her dancing but that she can still participate with teaching is great. I’m glad she enjoys it. Coaching is not something we’ve broached with him, I’m not sure how he would react to be honest. He desperately wants to continue competing and we feel like we have to allow him that opportunity to prove he can do it and stay healthy. The only reason he has got to where he is now is because we used swimming to motivate him. It’s an unorthodox approach and not one I would necessarily recommend to others but it’s what has worked for him. So far, I hasten to add. I am very cautious with our approach and would prefer to be even more so, but I know I’m in the minority in our household so have to try and balance things to keep us on an even keel of calm in the house. 


Purplerain, interesting idea. I will give it a go with him. Thankyou. 



You will find a way to get him back to full health. 

Interestingly my D took coaching qualifications in tennis as a distraction when she was ill. She now teaches at the local club and is going to a university with great sport facilities where she hopes to be well enough to start playing some competition again...so all is not lost for any of them. They can pick things up again. The coaching kept her connected. 


KLB I really do hope your dear s can achieve his dreams of competing in the Olympics
that would be amazing! 
He is very lucky to have your love and support!

KLB wrote:
It’s 6.30am and my darling son has already done over 7000 steps. His limit before a point gets taken away is 8000. He has 700 steps left for the entire day but what is the consequence for losing all his points now that swimming is already off the table due to lockdown? I’m struggling to find something.

Sorry, just saw this now.  Maybe cookies as a consequence?  Milk shake?  If he is well enough to run that far, he is well enough to eat a ___.  xx

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 

Hi KLB, 
Have you ever looked into using Neurotracker with your son? It’s a online program that improves your mental game, attention, concentration and cognitive ability in sports amongst other things. It is something he can do from home that will still benefit him while swimming. He can still work on his mental game while at home without burning calories. He may like it. Professional sports teams, elite athletes  and military special forces use it. My son is an elite athlete and has used this as well as a program called intelligym. Neurotracker would be better suited toward swimming. 

KLB wrote:
He struggles to identify his emotions too and I’m not sure how to help him with that. When he’s restless or agitated and is desperate to exercise I ask him to tell me what emotion he’s feeling right then and he can’t do it. I say tell me what emotion you’re feeling right now and he replies with I feel like I need to run and when I tell him ok, but that’s not an emotion, tell me what emotion you have right now. He can’t do it. He just says he doesn’t know and then gets more frustrated and agitated. 

He cannot identify them. This part of the brain is dead at the moment that is responsible for emotions and compassion. You can see that on MRT at these patients.
I would give EMDR a try. CBT is good when he is engaging, I do not see that at the moment.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.