F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Rubybegonia74
My 16 year old daughter was diagnosed with disordered eating about 3 months ago. I discovered that she had been restricting, but no purging. She is currently being managed by her primary care doctor and a dietitian that is an eating disorder expert. I was lucky enough to have snatched her out of this  at the very beginning, she had only lost a couple of pounds. We live in a small area that is seriously lacking child therapists let alone eating disorder specialists. We have finally found a therapist for her to work with, and she has only had one appointment with her so far. She suffers from severe anxiety and also depression. We've been working closely with her primary care physician to try to get her on medication to help stabilize her. He has tried two different medications, without any luck. He has now referred us to a psychiatrist for medication management.
Today I have to take her clothes shopping for summer clothes. She has severe body image issues, and I know that today is going to be extremely difficult with a lot of crying. She is already been obsessing about her legs and how they are going to look in shorts. I suffer from anxiety also, and I'm already starting to have panic attacks just thinking about the day that lies ahead of us. I'm really good at hiding it, but I could sure use some tips on how to help her. I really wish that she had a few therapy sessions under her belt, but that unfortunately is not the case. Any advise would be much appreciated!
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Ronson
Hi - it is really hard to manage - I too suffer from anxiety.  The body image takes a while to improve.  Although she may have only lost a couple of pounds it is common that the Ed thoughts and behaviours start before the weight loss.  Maybe they were restricting and therefore didn’t gain weight naturally so is more underweight.  If you can avoid shopping just now I would.  My d would either end up upset or would buy things far too big or things she would never wear.  None of which was helpful.  I would concentrate on feeding and wait until you really need to go shopping if you can.  The mood and body image can change a lot in time.  If you do need new clothes now maybe order online so she doesn’t have to face changing rooms and their many mirrors 
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scaredmom
Hi there, 

Welcome to the forum and so sorry you needed to find us. I do hope you find the support and information you seek to help your child.

Some have bought clothes on line in many sizes and then had the child try on at home and then you send back what you don't want. Or can you go out and buy a few things, bring them home and have her try them on. 

Long flowing dresses and skirts can help her to hide her legs and with an elastic waistband they can grow with her weight gain over time and so she may not notice as much.
Leggings and long tops may help too. 
It may be to early too go out shopping as Ronson says too. 

Again, welcome and please feel free to ask any questions. We all wish to help in anyway we can
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
She suffers from severe anxiety and also depression. We've been working closely with her primary care physician to try to get her on medication to help stabilize her. He has tried two different medications, without any luck. He has now referred us to a psychiatrist for medication management.


Hi and a very warm welcome from Germany! Sorry that you need to be here with us. Anxiety and depression can be a symptom of ED and be caused by malnutrition or being increased if it was there before ED moved in. Psychological meds often do not work unless they are back at a good weight, so maybe you need to go through that during refeeding and give it another try when she is at a healthy weight. There is also a genetic test that can show which meds are worth a try and which not.

Today I have to take her clothes shopping for summer clothes. She has severe body image issues, and I know that today is going to be extremely difficult with a lot of crying. She is already been obsessing about her legs and how they are going to look in shorts. I suffer from anxiety also, and I'm already starting to have panic attacks just thinking about the day that lies ahead of us. I'm really good at hiding it, but I could sure use some tips on how to help her. I really wish that she had a few therapy sessions under her belt, but that unfortunately is not the case. Any advise would be much appreciated!


So what did we do with shopping:
1) shop online if possible and order clothes in different sizes and give her the biggest one to try on first - it is easier to change to a smaller size than to a bigger for them - online shopping was best here as I could decide when she was in a good mood to try something on and when not
2) no tight pants and no clothes that show too much skin - wide dresses, leggings, bermudas or pants made of thin material - she does not need to wear shorts this summer if not possible
3) if you decide to go to the shops, go alone first, check some few clothes to show her and then take her and try only a few clothes - if that does not work ask the shop lady if you can take some to try at home and bring them back if they do not fit
4) limit it to a very few shops and a very short time - if you need to go for pants and shirts and dresses extra that must be o.k.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you have had to find your way here. 
As Tina has mentioned anxiety and eating disorders go hand in hand, with more than half of all sufferers having an underlying pre-existing anxiety disorder, which is then exacerbated by the ED. Depression also can occur both with the ED and as a co-morbid. 

If going shopping you can use the avoidance techniques as mentioned above. It is also worth sometimes just acknowledging that she finds it anxiety provoking but that you have confidence that she will be able to get through it. Sometimes our own worry is as bad as that of our children. (Hand up as guilty). Every time she conquers her fear and gets something done, she gets that little bit better and dealing with and managing her own anxiety. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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