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EASL Show full post »
sk8r31
I will reach out to Colleen.  She was my first ever 'parent friend' of a kid with AN.  She provided much-needed peer support in person when I desperately needed it.  We don't see each other often these days...life and distance....but she is a friend for life.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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debra18
I don't remember how old your daughter is. I don't think it's necessary for her to talk about ED or acknowledge that she has it. She does need to learn how to cope with feelings and anxiety in appropriate ways as all teenagers (and even adults) need to learn how to do. My daughter has learned to do that through playing piano and keeping a journal. My daughter still is inpatient at times like if she loses something . She is actually aware of this and aware that she needs to work on it. At around the time of "wr" my daughter wrote in her journal how much she hated me and 6 months later she wrote how much she appreciated what I did for her. I think it will take time and brain healing.
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sk8r31
I have reached out to Colleen, & she will happily respond here on the thread, in case it might be useful to others as well.  She's tied up with commitments at the moment, but will respond here in a day or two.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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EASL
My my daughter is a few months shy of 15. She was diagnose w AN 2 months after her 14th birthday. We’ve had a ‘quick’ recovery in that it’s been only 8 mos since diagnosis and WR. 

I believe (with zero professional training) she has emotional issues and AN was a way to shut them down when adolescence began. If I’m objective and honest - she does far more right than wrong. I value this message board so much for its ability to help me take a deep breath and repeat the mantra ‘more time -more food’. 

I am trying a cool politeness approach for now and letting her engage with me rather than me reaching out to her. 

Thanks for all all the good ideas and support. It is invaluable to me. 
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Enn
EASL wrote:
Hi

update and some some more questions. D has above 50kg for two months now. This is in excess of her CAMHS target but I’m working off of a higher target so she’s technically WR but we still keep up the calories as if she’s not hit the target. 

Great job on the weight!!.
Hwr period returned at the at the beginning of the
month. She cried - when I asked if she was crying due to joy or fear or something else - she couldn’t answer. Overall her approach to eating is good; eats everything given, no fear foods, willingly eats deserts and occasionally will take a bit extra if something she likes. Most odd eating styles have disappeared

What you write here is amazing! Eating is good and no fear foods and will take extra: SAVOUR THIS!! 

She refuses to discuss anything ED related and in her mind thinks it was all an aberration. We’ve been away for several weeks so her counselling has been on Skype and it’s been short every time. 
My D is 2+ years in and cannot/ WILL NOT discuss her ED at all. I have a lot of questions and she shuts them down. So maybe in time she may share or not. And she may forget a lot  this time in her life. 

The new ‘issue’ is complete rudeness/hatred toward me. It’s almost like she sees me as a reminder of ED and as she refuses to discuss ED I represent everything she hates. I weirdly think she’s ‘restricting her emotions’. Anyone dealt with something similar? This new ‘phase’ could be just teenager stuff but it is hurtful/fury inducing. Need some insight and ideas on how to react. Particularly as her siblings are not rude even though very close in age. 

This is an interesting comment about "restricting her emotions" I have seen the term emotional anorexia here discussed in the past. It is like they feel they are not worthy of your love and attention and so get angry at you. It may be a way to see if you really care? It do think that not engaging much with her may not be a path I would take- she is hurting so does not allow you to love her. I wonder if you single her out and do a  non-food activity alone to connect with her. We did pottery painting recently and d talked freely while painting and it was a lovely afternoon. I took both my d's and it was a nice time for all of us.

I will find a thread or two that discusses this issue too. 
Congrats for how far you have come! We know what a feat that is!

Thanks.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/the-origins-of-emotional-anorexia-6123835?highlight=emotional+anorexia&trail=25

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/emotional-anorexia-5978862?highlight=emotional+anorexia&trail=25
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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EASL
Thanks Scaredmom for the links. Just knowing others have (unfortunately) suffered the same situation makes it easier for me to cope. There are many similarities between the comments on the blogs and our life. I think I was surprised because one reads so many things about after WR children being ‘back’ like before the disease. Our daughter is physically back but she is now in new emotional territory and I feel ill equipped to navigate. We plan to try Colleen’s 4 steps and layout the expected behaviours before school resumes. 

As my D hates talking about anything AN related I hypothesise that she is angry at herself for letting AN happen - of course it’s not her fault but I think she feels it is - and because she is young and likely emotionally behind in development this anger is too big to reside in her yet she can’t talk it through so it needs a target and that target is me. For me, seeing the anger as the vestiges of the ED makes it tolerable. What I worry about is allowing it to become accepted/normal behaviour. So we will chip away at it. Again it is clearly a part of ED as it’s negative behaviour that effects her ability to lead a full life. I scratch my head that this phase isn’t clinically understood and a part of normal family therapy. 

Sorry for the diatribe. Just feeling a bit better and setting my sights on tackling this mountain too - never wanted to be a mountain climber btw. 🤨
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debra18
I also found that writing my daughter positive notes and leaving them buy her bed and buying random gifts like art projects has helped. 
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867_5309
That’s my weak point, I need to be a better cheerleader for my kiddo.  Thank you for the reminder!
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