F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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LaraB
Hi
my D is really struggling with lockdown and the lack of structure. Sleep and eating routine very chaotic. I am not really looking for advice as I know I need to work with her to get her back on track. Just wanted to share how difficult we are finding this. Xx
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turtled
Hi, yes my daughter, 14, struggling with it too, sleeping late and eating late, makes it hard to fit in more meals. Too much time in her room! A bit of sunshine and family time needed. 
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Enn

@LaraB,
Yes I hear you. This is a hard time for everyone ED or not. 

I am sending a big bag of strength as you move through this. 


I have been holding onto a mantra. “ there is a beginning, a middle and end to everything. This not forever’
🌺

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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turtled
Yes, strength is what we need and positive thoughts. Thank you 
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Torie
Lockdown is bad enough, all by itself.  ED is ... far beyond that.  I really feel for everyone facing both at the same time.  Hang in there.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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MKR
Hi @LaraB,

I know you are not looking for advice, but would this suggestion from my daughter's school be of any help:
day structure.jpg 
I found with my other child that morning is more suited for learning new things and afternoon for creative work (including creative writing).

😀
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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LaraB

If only! The kids here have no school work to do- May be different for some year groups. Bad mistake nationally for school to finish and leave kids with no school work obligations till September and not allowed out of house.
typical day at mo.

Child refuses to get up till 3pm. Eats totally separately to rest of family and furtive about same. Spends day in bed or on electronics. 

Presenting quite some challenges but I remain calm (mostly when not secretly weeping) and loving and making small steps back to where we need to be. Xx

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MKR
Oh dear. I didn't realise that there is no school. It must be really hard. 

Well done on staying calm and loving. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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PurpleRain
We have no school either but I keep some structure (I let them sleep in a bit but not too much), and they (I have 2 kids, ED  D 14 and younger S just became 10) do some maths, drawing, piano and reading during the morning, mon-fri. It is tough, I'm exhausted, I clean, cook, teach all day long but keeping some structure has helped, the structure basically revolves around eating since ED d still needs 3 meals and 2 snacks, more than 10 months after WR (to her growth curve, she has grown a little bit vertically). 
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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NELLY_UK
My D is 21 and used to working for 49 hrs a week as a hairdresser. We have been through ‘ the change curve’ back and forth and seem to be settling into a new normal. She has self harmed, got drunk, gone AWOL a few times but we are getting through this thanks to the weather and that we live in a rural area so walks are easy. The food is always a nightmare and family tension has gone way up as she binges while the rest of us go hungry. I have a spare fridge in the shed with a few bits in but they are gone now. Her safe foods are difficult to come by but she has started to be quite adult about that. I got all her childhood toys from the loft and have subscribed to Disney as a lockdown treat. My H works in the NHS & I am working overtime at home - that creates another tension. Having to drop everything to drive for hours is not easy. This is how she stops the purging. Albeit temporarily. It has brought everything close up and personal and nothing can be ignored any more by going to work. It’s tough but there are some positives. 
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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LaraB
@NELLY_UK tension here also due to working at home and incredibly difficult to balance work and focus on D’s needs. I am sorry things are so tough for you and your D and the family. The lack of structure with her being unable to work must be very tough. Really great that you can find positives. Sunshine definitely lifts the spirits. Xx
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Kali

We have been home for 5 weeks. Parks closed and everything else closed. I go food shopping once every 10 days or so and buy so much we can barely fit it in the fridge. I have a whole "shopping pack" with glasses, a mask, surgical gloves, clorox wipes for the shopping cart and hand sanitizer We have a porch and small yard so that we can go outside and it helps when the weather is good. But tension can rise suddenly....my new motto is to smile even when I don't feel like smiling. Both kids are home and I don't want to create needless worry by showing that I am anxious. Have had some sleepless nights but am adjusting to the new normal and focusing on keeping everyone safe and doing my job. We all have something to do whether it is online learning or online teaching or working remotely, so we are trying to be respectful of each other's schedules. We come together for meals and netflix watching and recently had a family game night. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Being thankful for the small acts of kindness that we are surrounded by from neighbors and friends, and that so far we are all well and have not been ill and trying not to mourn what we have lost. I can't help thinking that 9/11, Hurricane Sandy and Anorexia Nervosa helped prepare me for this situation. We are in the epicenter of the outbreak at the moment and if I can keep everything calm here our house can be like the eye of the storm. 

Being thankful for small things. Kind neighbors. A rainbow I saw the other day. The brave healthcare workers who are on the front lines fighting the hardest and most frightening battle for all of us. 

For those who are struggling, trying to have some semblance of a schedule seems to help us. Try to work in some crafts, or artwork, knitting, any activities your child might like and start some projects if you are able to. Food prep takes a long time as we all know.

@NELLYUK I am glad that your d has been able to help control the purging by driving around. At least that is something positive to help her move forward.

@LaraB Is your daughter interested in anything creative and can you plan some projects together? Have you tried to adjust your daughter's sleep schedule by waking her one hour earlier each day for example, tomorrow wake her at 2, the day after at 1, etc? Is there some way to get her to eat with the family and not in her room? Again, starting with small steps, if you have total refusal, by having her have snack with you or one meal with you and then increasing. Our schedules have been pretty off also, some days we have had dinner at 10 pm because both kids are sleeping until noon. But as long as there are three meals it is fine. So breakfast at noon, lunch at 5 and dinner at 10. 

Stay safe everyone.

warmly,

Kali

 

 

Food=Love
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