F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

I am having a more difficult time the last few days just feel edgy my patience is wearing thin , when my d is finding it difficult to eat I am using the lines from eva musby s video and book which have really helped but this evening my d was finding it difficult to finish her tea so I hugged her told I really loved her and to trust us it would be ok I said I know what she needs it will be ok . She told me to stop reaming off lines at her and to talk to her as a person . I tried to explain that I don't talk to ed. She knows I am quieter today and she asked me did I hate her I hugged her and said I loved her but hated what ed was doing to her. I explained that I am tired of it and what it's taking from her . We have a family wedding on Friday and my son and daughter are coming home for christmas I am keeping things as normal as is possible over Christmas but I am secretly dreading it all .
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Awww bless ya k63, it is so hard and if its any consolation my dd used to say 'here we go with the quotes!' ha ha which now is quite funny (but it wasn't at the time).  However I do feel that phrases like 'trust me I know what you need' and 'it is safe, just eat it' helped her to eat and now we don't have to use them, I honestly feel that when I was getting abuse from my dd, it was the ED and that she needed to hear this to get through it.  It will get better and you are doing so well and saying all the right lines to support her and I hope things improve soon.x
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!

mine also says it all the time too........."mum stop being a therapist!" 
But if a few quotes stick.........we will just go right on repeating them!!!!

 get the dreading it part..............rubbish having a nasty monster (ED) at the Christmas table

finger crossed for you that it will bugger of and give your child peace on this day xx

You're doing a great job, mom! It is so hard to say the same things over and over to try to encourage our kids. I found out during family therapy one night that one of my cheerleading statements was offending my daughter.  I said, "it's just a cup of yogurt, you can do this". She felt I was diminishing how hard it was for her to eat the cup of yogurt.

Perhaps you can talk through it with your d outside of a meal and see if there is something more. I know ED doesn't like most of what we say but if rephrasing some things helps a little, it might be worth investigating. Otherwise, just keep giving her the hugs and love you're already doing.

It's so terribly hard around the holidays but add ED into the picture and it is dreadful! We always made a plan during those first few family events. 1) My husband would plate her food in front of his family and I would plate in front of mine 2) We always called the host and asked for another room where we could eat if things got rough in front of the family. If it was at my h families house, I would go with d, so he could still visit with family and vice versa. 3) We altered all of her meals that day based on the timing of the main meal being served so we could accommodate her eating every 3 hours.

I know it sounds overwhelming but putting a plan in place will help everyone know what to expect in the worst case scenario. We usually overplanned and came out pleasantly surprised. Stay strong and persevere!!

Daughter diagnosed with anorexia at 12 in 2013 without having any image issues/concerns about calories or exercise. Hospitalized - 3 days. FBT at home along with outpatient therapy - 16 weeks. Recovered/weight restored - 4 years. Still gaining and growing but has no hunger signs yet.  
I found myself using techniques that I use at work with young ASD students, and my d picked up on it and accused me of treating her like one of my 4/5 year olds, but I just kept right on going because it was working. It is hard to be tough and loving at the same time. I honestly think my training and experience as an Early Childhood Teacher helped me through those really tough meals immensely.  Just remember that every mouthful that goes in and stays in is a victory, for her as well as you. 

I'm not sure if it is any consolation, but I'm not as scared of Christmas this year as I was last year. Every celebration seems to be so based on food, and birthday cakes were a nightmare, we aren't out of the woods yet, but soooo improved. So plan for the following Christmas to be better, or the one after that. It really can get better. This year my d will actually eat food rather than mostly just taking photos of it. 

Hang in there.
HI K63, how was the weekend and family wedding? My d said the same things to me! She would roll her eyes and say sarcastically "here comes the script" then tell me to talk to her normally. I guess the ED doesn't like to be told what to do, and my d couldn't understand why I felt the need to take a certain firm tone with the ED. She doesn't see herself separate from it.

Thinking of you!

15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
Hi all want to wish ye all the best christmas that ye can have with ed around . We have had our family wedding and with more going on for christmas my d is .3 kgs down this week and we have discussed what she will have today. She had a major meltdown down yesterday at dinner it took almost an hour to talk her around to eating , completely out of the blue . I felt like running away. It's a lot of change more people around but that's part of life too . It is better than last year she was ip.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
Best Xmas possible to you too k63.sorry to hear that your ds anorexia is hurting her so much at the moment.and hurting you as well.i want to either run away or not get out of bed every single day and have felt this way for months.i hate how much my d is hurting but I hate how she brings everyone down with her if she can.hope Santa brought you something nice for Xmas-I got myself a few things,just to help him along....