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Faddywrite Show full post »
Faddywrite
I have just made my d eat pudding (apart from yoghurt) for the first time in months. I was dreading it cos while I was getting it ready she kept aski g me not to make her eat it. I gave her a small amount of rice pudding and at first she sat down on the floor in the corner. Then she sat back at the table and just stared at it. We encouraged her gently and she pushed it around for a bit. She then slowly ate some and said finished. We said no eat the rest and she did slowly. She finished it. Afterwards she went off to do some art. When I popped in to see if she was ok she said I hate you for making me eat rice pudding but it wasnt in a very cross voice, just a bit fed up. I just said I know but we have to do this to help you get better. She is now doing her art again. It was an upsetting thing to do but also empowering!
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Mcmum
Woo hoo! Well done. It is indeed a great feeling. A great start to a new week!
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Faddywrite
It is! Next it's ice cream.. My daughter already spotted the Ben and Jerrys and told me its way too bad for her. Ohdear....
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cm72
I'm right there with you in this stage of the journey. Glad to hear of your successes!!!
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Torie
Rice pudding?!?  Woohoo!! Way to go!  That's really great.

Faddywrite wrote:
It is! Next it's ice cream.. My daughter already spotted the Ben and Jerrys and told me its way too bad for her. Ohdear....

,
Actually, that might be a good sign.  Forum member MamaBear doesn't post here much anymore (her d is all grown up and happy and well now), but her d fell ill at a young age.  She found that when her d said something like that, it was like a secret code that she actually DID want to eat the thing, but the nasty voice in her mind wouldn't let her admit that.  So whenever her d said something like that, MamaBear made sure to require her d to eat that very thing, and soon.  It was as though her d felt required to put up a bit of a fight against it, but not too much.  So, to think positively, your d is sending you a coded message that she doesn't dare let ED hear: She secretly wants that ice cream.

You're doing so well.  Makes my day to read your post. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Faddywrite
Torie wrote:
Rice pudding?!?  Woohoo!! Way to go!  That's really great.


,
Actually, that might be a good sign.  Forum member MamaBear doesn't post here much anymore (her d is all grown up and happy and well now), but her d fell ill at a young age.  She found that when her d said something like that, it was like a secret code that she actually DID want to eat the thing, but the nasty voice in her mind wouldn't let her admit that.  So whenever her d said something like that, MamaBear made sure to require her d to eat that very thing, and soon.  It was as though her d felt required to put up a bit of a fight against it, but not too much.  So, to think positively, your d is sending you a coded message that she doesn't dare let ED hear: She secretly wants that ice cream.

You're doing so well.  Makes my day to read your post. xx

-Torie


Thanks Torie, I think you may be right because after my daughter ate her pudding, I went to check on her and although she said she hates me for making her eat it, she was sort of even smiling as she said it. I wish I had found out about fbt earlier in this journey but at least now I can actually do something to help my daughter.

Thanks again for your support! x
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Faddywrite
cm72 wrote:
I'm right there with you in this stage of the journey. Glad to hear of your successes!!!


Thanks so much, I hope you are having some successes to. This is only our second fear food and I felt heartbroken seeing my daughter slide down the wall and sit in the corner but it has to be done!

x
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ValentinaGermania
Faddywrite wrote:
It is! Next it's ice cream.. My daughter already spotted the Ben and Jerrys and told me its way too bad for her. Ohdear....


If she said something like that this was ED talking to you and your d might really want that ice cream so please do not wait long and serve it soon.

Yeah for the pudding! Do it again with a slightly bigger amount in the next days! And remember: that was not your daughter sliding down the wall and hiding in the corner, that was ED. Your d wants to eat that pudding like all other children. ED does not allow it. So no feeling heartbroken for ED!

You are doing SO GREAT!!! [thumb]
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
My daughter has gained no weight. In fact may have even lost a few hundred grams. Feeling sad.
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Mcmum
It's gutting when this happens, it really is especially after the colossal effort made on everyone's part and the breakthroughs you have had recently.

Take heart that you have started on the right path and have started to get more high calories foodstuffs going in. I was amazed at how much food it took for my son to gain weight. I at least quadrupled his intake for weeks with no effect whatsoever and only when we absolutely piled on the food in every meal and snack did the pounds start to go on. It seems to take such a lot to repair them internally.
Try not to feel too discouraged. Take stock. Have a look at your meal plan again and look for ways to increase calories. There are loads and loads of ideas on here and now that you've found this site, you're not alone in the battle x
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Faddywrite
Ronson wrote:
Don’t feel sad - you have accomplished loads with different foods. When was she last weighed ? Is it same scales ? Weight gain is not linear - my d would typically have a small loss then big gain - I would wait until next weigh before worrying too much
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Faddywrite
Thankyou yes I will keep on adding new foods and extra calorific food. I messed up today as she came into the kitchen, saw the cheese and tried to take control of her plate by helping me put tbe cheese on! I sneaked a bit extra on!
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Faddywrite
Thankyou I was hoping for a tiny gain but I can it may take weeks before real gain. I will keep adding oils butters etc and introducing puddings etc. I mesded up a bit today as my daughter spotted the grated cheese and tried to control what she had, but I added extra after she left the kitchen..
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ValentinaGermania
You are just starting, Faddywrite, do not feel sad about no gain this week, if you have an eye on her activities and add more this week I am sure you will see some gaining soon. They have a hypermetabolism and need a lot to be able to gain. Just go on adding and increasing portion sizes until you see steady gain.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
Thankyou it was just that that five weeks ago she was 43.6kg now is 43 with a jumper on.
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Faddywrite
mimi321 wrote:
That's good if you are adding oils, butters etc, to her foods, it all adds up! Some have to increase portion sizes as well. Is she getting three meals plus snacks every day? Yes, I try to keep mine out of the kitchen for this reason as well. 


Hi yes she is having three meals and snacks regularly. She is trying her best. I need to add more oil butter etc as well as reintroducing puddings etc.
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Torie
Faddywrite wrote:
She is trying her best.


This is a really interesting sentence.  Maybe with ARFID, we aim to support them in trying their best?  I'm not sure how that works.  With AN, we don't worry about whether they are trying or not - normally we the parents have to do all the trying on their behalf.  We try and try and try our hearts out while they oppose us with the strength of a lion on steroids.

I guess what I am saying is maybe don't worry too much about whether she is trying or not.  In a sense, it doesn't matter if they try or don't try or oppose us or whatever - the only thing that matters is that she regains the weight she needs.  While I imagine it is an enormous benefit if she is willing and able to try, it is also okay if she doesn't try, or if she doesn't try enough.

In this upside-down ED world, trying your best might not be enough.  That is such an odd thing to write, as all my kids lives I have been clear that trying your best is ALWAYS enough - no one can ask more of you than that.  But I think most here have had to push their kids past that point, and often, well past that point where they could fairly say they were trying their best.  As a parent, it is horrible to have to do that, and I hope you don't have to.  But if it turns out that you DO need to push her beyond what seems by any stretch of the imagination a good effort, please know that that is all part of the normal journey in recovering from ED.

I hope that makes sense.  I feel that the posts I'm writing today are a little odd, and really, you're doing so well. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Faddywrite
My daughter has finally been given her review with an eating disorder team psycholgist. Its next week.
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Faddywrite
Hi yes I hope so.
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