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Faddywrite Show full post »
Faddywrite
Hooray my daughter ate her fish and a smallish portion of chips. Right up until.we served it out she kept saying she didnt want to eat chips. She said they will give her high cholestoral. I replied that occasionally having chips is completely safe and normal and she argued back that Im not a dietician so I dont know. I stayed calm and just said no but Ive fed her and kept her safe and healthy since a baby. Anyway she went quiet then and ate it all!!! I know not every food will be like this but its a great start! Going to take her to.a wildlife park on Monday to keep away from food shops and do something she loves. Thanks everyone for helping me have the confidence to take the first step. xxxx
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Enn
High five!!
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Torie
Woohoo!!  So glad to hear that! xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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sk8r31
Just great to hear this!  I often thought of my responses in that phase of dealing with fear foods as being like dealing with a toddler.  Not a lot of discussion, and a strategy of deflecting and distracting!

The less said about the fear food the better.  And I love you telling your d that having fish and chips occasionally is completely safe and normal.  That is so true.  And then leave it at that...no more discussion.

Wishing you all the best as you push forward!

Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Foodsupport_AUS
Great that you are moving forward with re-feeding and the success with the naan bread.

One thing I found with my D was that discussing what was going to happen and then negotiating down was very unhelpful, for example suggesting she only needs to eat a few chips. Ideally she eats what you serve. Increasing her portion sizes is going to help you get that weight on faster with out even needing to change the foods. Food content discussions also were very unhelpful. She may tell you why she is scared of something, but trying to reassure her about it may actually make her fear more rational to her. So reassuring that only a smaller serve was given, or she has vegetables but not so much sugar can back fire in the end. Getting on to the front foot, and saying something like "I can hear that this really worries you, I know what I need to do" but not discussing things directly can help settling things down faster. Hmmm! can be a good word to use and suggesting that it is unhelpful to discuss things further also can help to deflect this discussion.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
Hooray from Germany!
ED: 0
Faddywrite: 1

You did it! Your answers were very good. You stayed calm. Great job.
And how do you feel now? I think you feel the power coming back. That will not always be the case, but you know now how it feels to fight that bastard and that you can win that war. Now go on with that.

My d said that dietitian thing some times, too, and I started to answer that I asked the dietitian and she said that chips (or whatelse) are completely safe. After a few times she did not say that any more.

Wildlife park sounds great. Have some fun there!
Tina72



Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
mimi321 wrote:
This is such a great point and reminder to myself, as I find myself doing that sometimes with fearfoods we are still working on. Yes, it is okay to start with a little of course, but just point out that it is safe/fine to eat, not that it is just a little.


Agree.  The more we can project confidence in our knowledge of what they need, the "easier" it is for them.  It took me just about forever to figure out that the less I said, the better - even though everyone here had been telling me that, it still took a while to grasp.

Keep up the good work! xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Faddywrite
Thanks Tina I do feel empowered. My daughter seemed quite anxious today..I was going to meet school friends and my husband plannrd to.cook a new simple recipe which was fairly healthy although she was worried it wouldnt include enough vegetables. On the way to drop me off she asked why do we have to eat all these different foods. Me being me said dont worry its healtby (it just had fried egg in it) . Really felt for her and if she has autism this could also be anxiety related to needing a plan.said tomorrow we will have one of our normal recipes, as we have decided to gradually introduce fear foods. I will encourage her to try some cake at our family get togethet tomorrow but then I am going to wait a day or two before introducing a pudding she used to like. Is it ok to do it gradually like this? Her anxiety is so high and I want to have one or two good days when she can relax this week.
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Enn

You are doing great to think about changing her diet with the fear foods!  And you have had two great wins, the naan AND fish and chips!!!
There are so many ways to do the fear foods. So yes, it IS ok do do it gradually.  You can wait a few days and add another. The trick is to give those foods again and soon. Like the fish and chips, do it again soon, in the next 10 days to two weeks. If you don't keep giving it to her, it will become a fear again. 
Over time, she will learn to trust you and it does get easier. 
I hope it goes well at the family gathering tomorrow!

XXX

 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
You are doing a great job.There is no one way to introduce fear foods.You can go with one a week, one a day, wait a while. You know  your own D best and what is happening at home. As scaredmom has mentioned do give the feared food again soon after as otherwise it can remain a fear food.

The most important thing to consider with adding the fear foods is that it should not get in the way of weight gain and full weight restoration. Sometimes the number of accepted foods is so small that it gets in the way of weight gain in which case the foods that will achieve that the best are the first fear foods to introduce. Most parents here have found fats and oils to be their friends. Often they have tried smoothies with added canola/rapeseed oil to boost the calories. For my D I found adding extra butter and cheese in cooking and using butter alone for mashing potato for example was a great way of adding extra. Making sure you are using full fat foods if possible, adding things like nuts (ground up almonds for example) can add flavour and also add needed caloric intake. If the number of foods is bigger you can work with those to achieve steady weight gain and then expand in your fear foods.

Some kids also have feared food eating situations, things like restaurants and family get togethers can also be a great source of anxiety. Hope the get together tomorrow goes well.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
There is no right or wrong. Go with your gut feeling. If you think she needs a break then have one. But YOU decide and not she. So if she says "I want to have no fear food tomorrow" you need to serve one and say "I decided to have no fear food on Tuesday".

"Really felt for her and if she has autism this could also be anxiety related to needing a plan."
Remember it is not normal to be anxious about food and what will be there for lunch. Normally a kid of her age would just fall into the kitchen and eat what is there.
If you thing she will do better with a plan, then try that. We made a fixed meal plan every sunday and it was put on the fridge door and then we worked it down through the week. It was easier to stick on it without discussions here. Just try what works best for your family. But keep on going.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
Thsnkyou I have used butter in mash and dont buy low fat yoghurt now but havent used oil, so will be getting some rapeseed oil tomorrow. Just been for a dog walk and because the clocks have gone back my d had her snack later than normal egen we got back. She was exhausted and legs ached so I explained that she must snack every 3- 4 hours (this one was my faut ) and told her no more than one doh walk per day with me. She said no of course but I will be firm on this. She isnt at a dangerpus weight but bmi only 17.5
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ValentinaGermania
Faddywrite wrote:
Thsnkyou I have used butter in mash and dont buy low fat yoghurt now but havent used oil, so will be getting some rapeseed oil tomorrow. Just been for a dog walk and because the clocks have gone back my d had her snack later than normal egen we got back. She was exhausted and legs ached so I explained that she must snack every 3- 4 hours (this one was my faut ) and told her no more than one doh walk per day with me. She said no of course but I will be firm on this. She isnt at a dangerpus weight but bmi only 17.5


Time changing here too today, that is something you do not have normally so this happens. You know how to prevent that the next time.
If you look for rapeseed oil look for one which is not yellow in colour but white, they do really have no taste. Some are yellow here and they have some taste.
Cream in mash is also a good thing and if you can buy it where you live buy double-cream! We do not have it here in Germany.

You are doing great. Keep on fighting and you will see it gets easier soon.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
Hi faddywrite,
how are you doing? I am thinking of you...
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
Hi Tina,

Haven't introduced any other fear foods yet, but my daughter allowed herself a piece of banana loaf on Sunday at our family tea party! So I have my rapeseed oil ready to use and butter to add to meals this week. My parents are coming over one day and we are going out for lunch, so I am giving my d a couple of days off fear foods, as I don't want her to feel too anxious at lunch as she will restrict and just drink water , not even a coffee. Will encourage her to have a treat at lunch and then after that I plan to have a pudding at home. We have friends over on Sat and there will be some healthy food and some samosas, so hoping to get my daughter to have a samosa. This week isn't normal really as it's a week off school, so next week I will start to add more fear foods gradually at home and will repeat the chips. 

I have been allowing just one dog walk a day with me, but I can see my daughter was very restless on Sunday after the family had sat chatting for ages. She is body checking a lot smoothing her hands over her shape. I find this upsetting.

Thankyou so much for your support Tina.

Anna xxx
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ValentinaGermania
This is what we are here for! [biggrin]
No need for thanks, we just give back what we recieved last year and I am sure you will do the same for other parents soon.

Sounds like a good plan for this week. Try to add where you can and I cross my fingers for the family meals. Some find it hard to eat with others (mine) some eat better with "whitnesses". Try what works for you.

The restlessness is due to AN. Be careful that she does not start secret exercising. Be aware that some do get up to do that in the night.

Yes, the body checking is so annoying! Try to ignore it. I know it is hard. But even that will get better just by weight gain and doing normal teenage things again. At the beginning she did it after every meal and in between. Then only after lunch (biggest meal here). Then only now and then. I cannot remember when I saw it last now. So try to ignore it.

Keep us updated about the pudding and the samosas! We all think of you!
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
Well my daughter did really well and ate a samosa along with her jacket potato tonight. She became v anxious before as it was one from an Asian shop so was fried. She was panicky and saying she had chips last weekend and a brownie the week before. She really wanted one so ate it with encouragement. Afterwards she was in rhe kitchen lookibg at her stomach and saying the shape haz changed and that it was bigger It isnt but I told her gently that as she gains weight she will change shape but that the weight will gradually even out over her body. She seemed a bit happier. I am wondering as she has already had a fear food today do I put off feeding rice pudding for two days or so or do I serve her a very small pudding tomorrow, as this will be a fear food and will create huge anxiety.
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Enn
I am not sure that it matters when, but that it does have to  happen at some point. How about doing the fish and chips again or the brownie to give you and her more confidence? The thing with the fear foods, is giving it again so that the "fear" goes away. I know she is needing to walk a lot too and so you may have to curtail that as well. 
A big cheer for the samosa! That is a hard one, for sure. 
Is she gaining? I usually felt that discussing weight or body changes fruitless. My D would get upset no matter what we said. So we learned not to discuss body changes. If your D was not too bothered, then that is helpful, I would think. Hard to know how they interpret what we say at the early stages.
Has your D been officially diagnosed with autism? I know that was on your mind as well.
Keep on feeding.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Faddywrite
Hi, I plan to weigh my daughter tomorrow so will see but I know she was still around 43kg a week or so ago. Yes we plan to have chips next weekend so its only two weeks after the first time. The pudding will be a sweet treat that she finds really hard but think we will just introduce it in a small portion then wait till we do chips. Hipefully she will be gaining even if just small anounts.
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Enn
Sounds like a good plan.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
Weigh her blind (backwards on the scale) and do not comment anything and have a poker face. Let her not know the weight or the gain (I hope you will have some).
Yeah for the samosas! And what you said about her tummy and the weight gain going elsewhere on her body in some time was REALLY PERFECT! You are doing it!!!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
Thankyou great idea about the weighing as it will upset her if she knows she is gaining weight.
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ValentinaGermania
I needed 10 months to get my d change to blind weighing and I was so angry about the hospital that they did open weighing and told her the target weight (which was in fact too low). If you can manage to introduce blind weighing from the start it is much easier. Tell her the professionals have told you do it that way and that this is the way it needs to be done. At her age there is no need to know her weight anyway.

The day I got my d to blind weighing she was so relieved by not need to think about her weight and the gain any more. She never asked for her weight again for more than a year now. And it was then possible for me to get her slightly over the target weight which was the bit she needed for a better state and start of brain recovery. Without blind weighing I am sure we would still surround that damn target weight.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn
The issue of blind weight or open weighing is interesting.It generates a lot of discussion on ATDT. It is one of those things that is not "all or none",I would think.
I have bumped a recent discussion on this as well. I know most feel that blind weighing is better than open and my D is only blind weighed. However, I really feel now, after hearing from others here, that you could do either or both depending on your individual situation and stage of recovery/treatment. As I grow older and not necessarily wiser, I see more grey than black or white in a lot of things in life. 
Sharing our personal experiences here is the real key. We learn from and teach other what we have tried and succeeded in or even did not succeed in as there is no such thing as failure. Then  each of us can make the decision to try something and it may or may not fit. And that is all good.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
Here is a thread over 5 years ago that is quite interesting on the same topic of blind vs open weighing.


https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/blind-weigths-vs-open-weights-6326777?highlight=open+weighing&trail=25#gsc.tab=0
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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