F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

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CaliKat
Hi.. anyone here a single parent and trying to figure out how to keep working and make sure your child stills eats every meal? I don't know how to set it up right now as I can't be 2 places at once? My daughter is still in residential care but should be coming home early next week. I feel like it is really important to keep things going so she doesn't back slide. I do not trust her ED to actually eat on her own or to be honest about it. Any suggestions would be great. Feeling so overwhelmed about her coming home. Thanks. 
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Enn

HI there,  I welcome you to the forum.

I have put some resources from the forum for you.
There are a few single parents here and I know they will be here soon to offer support and information.
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/single-mum-going-in-to-battle-2360095?highlight=single+parent&pid=22524907

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/single-parent-support-8525404?highlight=single+parent&pid=1295866122

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/single-parent-running-out-of-ideas-7234543?highlight=single+parent&pid=1285704135

I have a few questions if you don't mind. It helps us figure out how to advise you best.
In order to ensure adequate nutrition, you are right she needs supervision and you cannot trust ED at all. Do you have family members that can help you? 
Are you able to take some leave from work, or cut back a bit to support your D?How old is she? Where are you located? Someone near you may have good suggestions.
It is a different set of challenges when they come home. I do hope the team you have, will sit down with you and discuss all possible scenarios. They also have likely had other single parents and can share what they have done that could work for you. 
Is the diagnosis AN?

Please keep asking questions, really there is someone who has been in your shoes and can offer their perspective.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Kali

Hi CaliKat,

A working mom here. After a 3 month stint in residential we relied heavily on a php and an iop program which bought me another 3 months of food supervision during the daytimes. When she still needed support after leaving the programs I was able to do some work from home and only go into the office 2.5 days a week.

Do you have any extended family members or friends who might be able to help? It does become exhausting and is good if you can find a way to have some support at home. Do you qualify for any family leave?

warmly,

Kali

Food=Love
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blondie
There are some services like AEDRA who offer meal/snack support online so that could maybe be an option - you liaise with them as to how she's doing etc.
Other options could be you FaceTime her?
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Foodsupport_AUS
Another single parent here. I am largely self employed so can choose my own work hours.Whilst D was inpatient and between admissions there was lots of assistance from family and friends for meals but once she returned to school full time I arranged to take off two hours in the middle of the day so I could supervise lunch. Once well established at school I arranged for her to go to the nurse's office daily for lunch and snacks. The nurse was well briefed. I dropped off the food daily and D would then take mostly one friend but occasionally two and they would eat together in a separate room, better than outside in winter. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Ellesmum
Your daughter is a young adult I think?  Do you have family members around who can support you?  

I don’t know if you’d be entitled to any family leave where you are but it’s something to look into, and the earlier suggestion of FaceTime at meals could help.

it really is very difficult, unfortunately I haven’t been able to work over the past year, I have a business I’ve basically had to pause for the time being, but sometimes wonder if because I’m physically at home I’ve been more tied to d than if I’d had a job out of the home, I really don’t know.  

 Call on her team for advice, they will have seen this issue with other parents, and gather as many supporters as possible, friends, family, colleagues etc.  If you have people around this isn’t the time to present an ‘I can cope’ front.  You will need help. 
Ellesmum
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ValentinaGermania
CaliKat wrote:
Hi.. anyone here a single parent and trying to figure out how to keep working and make sure your child stills eats every meal? I don't know how to set it up right now as I can't be 2 places at once? My daughter is still in residential care but should be coming home early next week. I feel like it is really important to keep things going so she doesn't back slide. I do not trust her ED to actually eat on her own or to be honest about it. Any suggestions would be great. Feeling so overwhelmed about her coming home. Thanks. 


Hi, how old is your d?
My 2 cents:
1) family leave
2) home office
3) grandparents around and prepared what to do
4) face time at meals with skype
5) work only when she is in school/sleeping?
6) can you take your d with you to work or ask her to come around for meals?

It is very important to supervise ALL meals for a long time so if it is any possible get some leave from work. Depending on the age of your d you have the right to ask for family leave. Some parents asked family to help with money in the first months so they can be at home. The first 3-6 months is the most important time.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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