F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

Deana
I feel kind of stupid asking this, and I know it’s minor in comparison to the ED we’re dealing with in our family. We’re heavily refeeding our daughter using FBT. She’s gaining well with all the bumps along the way. My son,11, who doesn’t have ED has been a little overweight for a couple years. Since my daughter has developed AN, our family has struggled with peacefulness that we had before. I know that’s affected our son. And, since having extra high calorie/fat foods in the house, he’s really picked up a lot of pounds. I don’t want to ever say anything about this when my daughter is around, and I don’t want to give my son a complex over food. I’ve tried very lightly explaining that in general it’s best for us to have a balanced diet and treats sometimes. I don’t think anything really registered with him personally because he’s still helping himself to the chocolate I got for my daughter’s snacks and he’s always asking for other sugary treats in the house. I say yes when my daughter is around, but often no when she’s not. When I say no, I will say something like... you’ve had sugar twice today bud. If you’re hungry, let’s get an apple. He’s a tall boy, but even the husky sizes have gotten small. I don’t want this to be a problem for his future. Should I ignore this or do y’all have advice?
ED began at age 13, though I didn’t recognize it until she was almost 14. Through FBT, she’s gained almost 30 pounds since 3/15/20. Life is getting better. We have a few pounds and a lot of commitment left to go 💗
Quote
Enn

Welcome, 
Glad to hear that d is doing well. 
As for your son, honestly, he is only 11 and I myself would not be worried about it unless it is affecting his health. I wonder if focussing on physical activity may be helpful for your son and not paying as much attention to what he is eating may help your with your concerns. Just shifting the thinking a bit. He will likely grow in height and may get leaner. Also he is so young and I am presuming he is pre-pubertal. With the testosterone surges starting in the next few years, he will pack on muscle and height  and that needs a lot of energy (calories) to happen.

Not sure if this helps or hinders, but just my thoughts. 
I know others will be here soon to offer their opinions.


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote
PurpleRain
My youngest son (10) has been very lean since age 5-6 (before that he was a lovely chunky preschooler, toddler and baby), but even him had put on some weight between first refeeding and now lockdown (asy h and I have too). He loves starches, chocolate, he has a sweet tooth. I do what you do, say yes if my ED d is around and limit a bit when she's not. We completely change our way of cooking and eating after ED arrived, so I was a bit anxious to let him eat everything he wanted but I did, he was an active boy. Now during lockdown I try to limit a bit more, not restricting of course just offering other options and saying no sometimes. I agree with Enn that they would grow a lot soon enough during the preteen and teen years. However you might want to read some of mec's old threads, she also had a older ED d and a younger S who became overweight and had to juggle other different meal needs (allergies and diabetes I think).
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
Quote

        

WTadmin