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Aggie
We are 6 weeks into going it alone after 3 1/2 years with CAMHS and them not getting anywhere and having drawn up a contract with what we expect in order to keep life tripping along and daughter enjoying school and friends etc.
The two key things are tackling a fear food every week and being weighed regularly as I told D if we are going it alone, I need the assurance that we continue to go in the right direction. We were looking to get weighed at the GP monthly but they haven't come back to me, so I told D I was going to chase them and she said 'I won't weigh there, I'm just letting you know'. We have had real problems getting her to weigh for the last 2 years and the CED team did it by eye for over a year and she had only recently started weighing again.  I know that if I take her to the GP it won't happen as it took anything up to an hour at CAMHS for them to get her on the scales - if they could.  She has said she would rather do it at home and I have no problem doing it, BUT:
Things are going better than I could have hoped on tackling the fear foods (despite some rather nasty appearances by ED) to the extent that she has even asked if she can have mint choc ice cream 2 days in a row now which was a fear food 3 weeks ago and thanks to advice on here, I am having a real push on calories for brain recovery. SO, do I weigh her at home and risk an adverse reaction which may result in a grinding halt on the fear foods and possible restriction again or do I leave it well alone and just concentrate on the food, only pushing to weigh if I think she looks like she has lost weight.
She is eating 3 meals and 3 snacks, isn't pulling back on the portion size of her snack, doesn't question the amount of food I give her any more and is even filming herself eating lunch every day in school - her solution to my concerns over whether it was being eaten.
Thank you for any thoughts.
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deenl
Hi Aggie,

Wow, just wow. What a great job you and your daughter are doing.

I have no idea what would work best for you but for us ... I use weighing as a bit of a carrot and stick. When he is doing well and eating and mood is good, I weigh every 3-6 weeks. When ED is sneaking back in, I weigh every 1-2 weeks. This works for us as it doesn't cause bad feelings when things are good and when they are not good, ED is giving me guff anyway so what does one extra fight matter? I approach the weighing very matter-of-fact - I'm seeing symptoms of the illness more frequently at the moment, I need to get a weighing as feedback for where we are. We have used blind weighing for about 4 years and I am now moving to telling him when he has dropped weight. This is in part a natual progression as he gets older and also part preparation for when he goes to university. Previously, I would just adjust his nutrition as needed without saying anything but now, the adjustment is visible. Again, the progression and preparation for more independence.

I hope many parents share their experiences so you have lots of ideas to pick & choose from and adapt for your own particular circumstances. 

Wishing you continued progress,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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ValentinaGermania
How much can you say by looking at her and by her mood if she is on a good weight?
I have nearly the same problem here at the moment, too. We stopped weighing my d in March and she does not ask for it any more and I do not want to trigger anything by starting it again on a regular basis. We do blind weighings and we only do it now when we think she has lost weight or her behaviour shows that we need to be concerned. But we are in year 3 of recovery and our d is WR for more than 2 years now so maybe the risk is not the same as yours...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Aggie

Thank you both,
That’s just it, her mood is so good now, I don’t want to jeopardise it. This time last year we were in hospital following a self harm incident and then spent a month off school. 

Undoubtedly, still lots of behaviours present but we are working on them bit by bit. I am pretty confident I would see a drop in weight. I would love to believe that we are dipping into phase 3 and don’t want to be the one to set us back by making the wrong decision one way or the other 🥺

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Foodsupport_AUS
There is common sense in the idea that if state is good - physiological and mental then weight is probably appropriate. The only difficulty is assessing the physical state - blood pressure, pulse, periods and weight stability are probably all part of it. My D still sees GP on a semi regular basis to have all parameters checked. It is not weight specific - do you think she would do this? 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Aggie
Thank you foodsupport, that could be a good call. I think she would be okay with a 'health check', I don't think we would get her on the scales there though.
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ValentinaGermania
My d also sees the GP every 6 months now (in your state it was every 3 months) to get checked there. Not weight related, blood pressure and heart check and blood results as we still have problems with the electrolytes and minerals here.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Hendrixt
Our School Nursing Service (UK) have agreed to do weighing after CAMHS lost all interest in weighing and it causes too many arguments. Enough disputes going on with CAMHS at the moment anyway. School nurses have been very helpful and said they would liaise with CAMHS for guidance on how to do it therapeutically. Knowing our luck CAMHS will tell them not to do it at all 🙄
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MKR
Hi @Aggie,

Why does your D have an issue with weighing? Is it on her list of fears to conquer or still ED?

My D goes to the GP every month for blood test, weight etc as periods have only recently resumed. Her dad makes it non-negotiable. Probably easier because ED is not discussed there.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Aggie
MKR
I don't know if it's fear or Ed driven, but it started as she approached a healthier weight.  I think she had a number in her head that she didn't want to go over and the anxiety was immense as she approached it and it got harder to get her on the scales until she refused altogether. 
Hendrixt, I'm sorry you are having such a rough ride with CAMHS but so glad that you have the support of school nurses, I don't even think we have a school nurse!
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Torie
Aggie wrote:
We were looking to get weighed at the GP monthly but they haven't come back to me, so I told D I was going to chase them and she said 'I won't weigh there, I'm just letting you know'. ...She has said she would rather do it at home 

Wow, it sounds like you are doing MUCH better than the so-called professionals did!  Yay, you!

I'm curious if she said why she wouldn't be weighed there and why she would rather do it at home.  I don't know what to make of that. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Aggie
Torie - I just don't have an answer. This is the one thing that I haven't been able to work out and I think I pretty much been on top of everything else, reasons, behaviours etc.  She has said she would rather do it at home, whether she actually would when it came down to it I don't know.
She's here tonight with two friends over for a sleepover and is handling things so well, she hasn't confided in them, has got a pile of treats out and has said actually I fancy nuts and biscuits, while the others munch on chocolate and popcorn. She is coping in her own way and the more I am thinking about it the more I want to carry on pushing her weight up and her not know what it is. I noticed another thread earlier about scales that don't show the weight but send it remotely, I'm off to see if I can find those, it's an option
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Aggie
Just found 'blind scales' on amazon and have ordered them, will let everyone know if they are any good xx
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Torie
I will be really interested to hear how that works out.  Glad she is socializing! xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
My d also had that number in her head and fighted us like h*ll to get over it. We also changed to blind weighing and it was no problem any more. Now she knows that she is above that number (but still does not want to know how much) and she is totally relaxed about it.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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evamusby_UK
Maybe your daughter knows, as you do, that she is on a roll, managing to eat well, managing her anxiety by blanking out  thoughts of what she weighs, doing her best, so maybe you are both wanting to not jinx it. 
In FBT, weighing is partly feedback for 'are we feeding enough' and dpart of exposure to fears, to get rid of fear of weight. Personally I think that like any fear, we can choose when to tackle it, and surely the priority is that she is eating well and increasing variety. If you don't feel a big need for feedback because you can see she's eating well and looks well, then I'm tempted from what you write, to tell you to follow your instincts and keep going as you are.
Eva Musby, mother, author, produces lots of resources for parents at https://anorexiafamily.com and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/EvaMusby/playlists
[comp]
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Aggie
Thank you Eva,
The GP has finally come back saying they will support with weighing, but I am actually going to leave it for the moment.  She has just gone up a clothes size and didn't seemed too bothered by it, so I'm not going to let anything rock our boat for a minute!
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ValentinaGermania
Aggie wrote:
She has just gone up a clothes size and didn't seemed too bothered by it, so I'm not going to let anything rock our boat for a minute!


That is fantastic news!!! Yeah 👍!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
Isn't it wonderful seeing our kids grow  - as they should be!

A golden moment 🏅.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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evamusby_UK
How wonderful that she doesn't' seem too bothered by the clothes size change. Maybe she's actively and wisely managing anxiety, or maybe it truly doesn't affect her much -- either way, hurray, and enjoy!
Eva Musby, mother, author, produces lots of resources for parents at https://anorexiafamily.com and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/EvaMusby/playlists
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KLB
I think weighing needs to have a purpose, whether that's monitoring physical health, whether enough calories are going in for weight gain or maintanence or related to incentives etc. If it's not for a specific reason and state is good maybe it's not a priority.

At the moment we blind weigh s weekly to ensure he stays above his agreed weight limit for swimming and to make sure he's getting enough calories to maintain and continue gaining. Your d sounds like she is in a good place so I think youre right to be a little cautious. 
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Aggie
Thanks all, I am so back and fore on this.  She is eating well, is socialising, in a good mind set and tackling things that she wouldn’t before, but I looked at her tonight in a pair of leggings and looks so thin. My ‘blind’ scales arrived, me and hubby tried them out, very excited at the concept but they failed due to low battery on 3rd weigh so not recommending them just yet!
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teecee

We haven’t weighed for a long time (we are 2 years in). For me it kind of defeats the object of getting away from numbers. We are a family who never weighed before ED so it’s not normal. Luckily my hubby can estimate weight quite accurately so I’m happy to go with what he thinks. It’s more the state that I go from. 

I agree with the advice to go with your gut and rejoice in the clothe size increase! We had to buy new bras last week (at last!!)

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ValentinaGermania
Yeah, teecee, new bras!!! That is great!
We also are a family that did never weigh before ED and so I know your struggle. I try to eyeball it and go for state not weight at the moment. But I think twice a year I will keep weighing just to make sure that my eyes are o.k. 😁
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Aggie
Teecee,
That's fab news - we have just had to buy new bras too and have even been joking about not turning too quickly in case she knocks me out!! Loving these moments x
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