F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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waytogo
Our D knows she needs to gain weight. She is at a BMI of 19 but we want her in a healthy weight range, around the 50th percentile where she was before. 
We haven't talked about this yet, but now Christmas is over, we want to get started. She returned to boarding school in early November, once she got to BMI 19, and did well maintaining that until the last week of exams when she dropped 2kg. No periods as yet. As she is 17 I feel it would be great if we could somehow get her input and buy in as to how to achieve this weight gain. Would it be an idea to agree a series of goals like 2kg gain over an agreed time timeframe? Should we have some reward?
If she were in a day school, this would be less complicated. I feel we should keep her at home for a couple of weeks after Xmas to get a kick start to this, and then maybe let her try to do some gaining in school to a new target. If its not working, then take her home for another few weeks? She will hate to have to stay at home, as she was rewarded with getting back to school at BMI of 19 (I was not very happy about this but H and T thought it was a good idea).
How can we be fair to her and yet support weight gain? 

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Hopefull
We have been in a similiar situation, after returning from an oversesa holiday with a weight loss. Our D is 18 and we asked what is the easiest way to get it back on ASAP. She wanted the 2 to 3 extra drinks a day (full cream milk with sustagen) for two reasons; easy and quick to get down and can be taken out when weight back on. We had no problem with this and it worked a treat. Until the weight was on she had no independence with reference to eating with friends, every meal and snack she had to come home for. Is your D social atm? Could this work?
 
With reference to a reward, right or wrong we have certainly done it, with a phone, this too worked. Obviously these only work when you are dealing with the child/ya not AN so I'd suggest they have to be well enough to be able to eat the extra and the reward is simply extra incentive.


I would be concerend about your D going back to school and loosing further. School can wait, health can't a two week kick start sounds like a great plan....... perhaps aim for a kilo a week. Would it be easier to get it back on faster if getting back to school is the reward.

Hang in there!!
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Foodsupport_AUS
Artista, it is great that your D managed to maintain her weight at least whilst away at boarding school. This says a lot about her ability to eat variety and challenge ED to a degree. Her loss at the end of term under stress is however concerning. Has she regained this weight yet? If so it then surely should not be going to school as she is not at the previously agreed weight. That being said, it really depends on your daughter's state as to whether she can work towards a weight gain target. My D is of the same age, and similar BMI. She refuses to acknowledge or accept any need for weight gain, ED remains very strong in my D. I doubt she could achieve what your D has. If you can get her to work towards a target that is great, however it would be kinder for her to have you assist her with this. To gain weight she will need to challenge ED by herself, and if she does not achieve this, is it because ED is too strong or she just needed more feedback so that she could eat more.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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waytogo
Foodsupport and Hopeful,
we have been mulling over how to go about the weight gain and your comments are helpful. At the moment she is in a stressed state, I thought this would settle after being home from school for a week, but she's like she was about 4 months ago, mentally.
This could be due to the 2kg weight loss maybe? Since she is so wobbly, over the past few days, we have gradually wrestled back full control of all meals and snacks so we can fully implement the meal plan. She seemed happy enough to give us this control back but also felt like she was failing, as she had control in school. 
So yes, she is no state to return to school in a week, so we are going to try for a 1kg a week weight gain and keep her home for a few weeks til she is in a better state.
I don't know if we will be able to have a sensible conversation with her about this at the moment.
Its very depressing seeing her anxiety so high again, we need to garner strength for this and get some weight on her.



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